The world's biggest Beatles fan, 'Black Cock' and Sex on the Beach

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As Richie Benaud (12th Man version anyway!) would say.....Another stinking, fu**ing hot day here in Bangkok, 36C with more moisture than David Boon's jock strap after a full day's batting.

Managed to sleep a lot better last night and woke at 8. Had another day to kill
in Bangkok before I headed for the train station to catch the 6:15 to Chiang Mai.

Decided some exercise would help wake me up so hit the hotel gym for a quick
beach muscles session before heading down to the restaurant to gorge on the
excellent breakfast again. There seemed to be a lot of giggling coming from the
waitressing staff as they watched me devour a plate of fruits and cold meats
before asking for 3 poached eggs on toast to go with my bacon and potatoes.

Had a look on the internet at things to do in the city not too far from where
I was staying and realised I had missed out by not doing a bit more digging
earlier. Just round the corner is apparently the renowned 'Cabbages and Condoms' restaurant, started by some local woman where a percentage of sales go towards a charity helping teach sexual education and instead of after dinner mints, everyone gets a condom! Will have to visit if I am ever here again.

Instead I decided to head towards the house of a fella called John Thompson, an
American chap who came over in the Army towards the end of WWII but missed the action. He fell in love with the place and in particular, the local style of silk production. Apparently the worldwide success of the local silk industry is in no small part down to him. His house was built of of 6 other houses which were carefully moved down from Ayuthaya, the former capital. The whole place is made of teak and is absolutely stunning, including a very relaxing garden area. Unfortauntely the guided tour concentrated on the house itself and his collection of buddhas and antiques, some of which dated from the 7th century. I had wanted to learn more about the silk production itself and how you got from raw product to finished goods but it was not to be. Apparently Thompson disappeared aged 61, when he went for a walk in the Cameron Highlands in Malaysia and never returned. Maybe he was sick of all the tuk tuk scams back home!

Left the house and had a wonder back to the hotel via a couple of shopping centres. Even bumped into Steven Gerrard in one of them, sadly not the real one but a waxwork advertising the Bangkok Madame Tussauds.....Im sure there must be a place in Patpong called Madame TwoWhores, if not, there should be. Whilst on the matter of seedy venues, I discovered an area called Soi Cowboy just near my hotel whilst walking back. Was full of go-go bars but at 3 in the afternoon it wasnt exactly swinging so I had a walk through and continued on my way back to the hotel.

Got all my stuff together and headed to Hua Lamphung train station, decided I have far too much stuff with me and felt like a pack horse as I panted my way to the tube stop. The temptation of a cold beer was too great when I got to the station so a 2 pint pitcher of ice cold Chang was acquired and I sat and watched life go by from the station balcony. Was quite funny how there was an area of seating reserved for Buddhist Monks, not sure you would get something similar for Priests in Kings Cross and if they did, everyone would ignore the signs anyway. I noticed one monk using a blackberry, not sure what Buddha
would make of that....maybe he was on his prayer app!!!

After fuelling up on Sang Som whisky for the train ride, I found my carriage and took my seat in upper second class. The seats are set out as two big seats facing each other during the day and then at night a guy comes round and turns the seats into a bed and drops down another bed above so that you have bunks.There are then curtains that you can draw across for privacy when you want to get some kip. Was only 6pm though so I got chatting to the lad sat across the way, James, a sound bloke from Melbourne who had already been to China and Myanmar before he got to Thailand a few days ago. Unlike most people I know who have been to China, he thought it was a fantastic place with great food, a huge variety of landscapes and scenery and really friendly people. Listening to him talk about some of the places made me think I should pay it a visit but it definitely sounds like you need to get into the country rather than just seeing the main cities and sights like the terracotta army.

We were soon joined by a Thai chap called Jaeb. His English was excellent and appeared to be learned from his love of the Beatles, about whom he had an encyclopedic knowledge.He was telling us how he watches loads of old footage of their gigs on Youtube at home. The guy was a total character and we sat talking to him for a few hours about Buddhism, things to do around northern Thailand but mostly about the Beatles and other music of the era. The guard brought us beers and food and the miles rolled by as the big diesel engine chugged its way slowly north.Apparently Jaeb's family were all either army generals or high flying professionals and he was the black sheep of the family with his love of music. Meeting locals like Jaeb is always a great experience as its only by talking to people like him that you get a real sense of the place you are in, to understand things like the Thai's love of their king, what it means to be a buddhist and to live your life in a way that helps you find inner peace. It is people like Jaeb that have led to Thailand being called the "land of smiles."

While I could have listened to him a lot longer, he wanted some sleep when the bunks were put down so, after chatting with James a while longer I squeezed myself into my bunk and set about trying to arrange all my stuff in a way that actually left me some room to sleep...not an easy task on a bed that was built for people with an average height not much much than a 12 year old girl. Eventually though I got myself set and soon enough the rocking motion of the train helped me nod off.

At this point I want to provide some advice for any travellers who are planning on using the trains to get around Thailand.....while they are cheap, convenient and a great way to meet people, make sure you 'empty the system' before you travel as you really wouldnt want to have to go for number 2 in the squat toilets on board!

After managing a few hours sleep I watched the sun rise over the misty lowlands before the terrain changed and became more of a rolling countryside.Eventually we pulled into Chiang Mai, after 15 hours and 2 hours late, which is about on time for a train here on Thai time. The whole trip had taken around 14.5 hours but
didnt feel anywhere close to that. As we pulled into the station, Jaeb, who appeared to have been sound asleep for 11 hours, jumped up from his bunk, grabbed his bag and gave James and I a handshake before leaving us with the words, "I hope you have a happy life." Top guy.

James and I headed to the guest house I had booked and he managed to get himself a room. The guest house, Eagle House 1, was really nice, with a little garden seating area and clean, basic rooms with air con and a hot shower....not bad for a fiver! The young thai lad in reception was as gay as a window and his eyes lit up when he saw two lads arrive and he looked very depressed when we explained we werent together!

The food at the guesthouse was excellent too, a huge bowl of muesli, fresh fruit, yoghurt and honey providing my first healthy breakfast of the trip. After a chat with the Irish owner, Annette, we decided to go for a walk through the old city (the old town is built in a square, surrounded by a wall, moat and gates in the middle of each wall, much like an old roman city would be) and catch a Songtheaw (basically a covered pick up van, these are share taxis where the more people who get in, the cheaper the trip is for each person) up to Doi Suthep. We were joined in the Songtheaw by Nathan, a Canadian chap who had just spent a year teaching English in South Korea and was now doing some travelling before he heads home. Was really interesting listening to him talk about his year teaching
and life in South Korea, whether it was eating dog, the local love of North Face clothing or Asia's obsession with KPop, some kind of cheesy Korean pop music.

Doi Suthep is a mountain about 15km outside the city and on the peak is Wat Phrathat Doi Suthep a Theravada Buddhist temple (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wat_Phrathat_Doi_Suthep). To get from the drop off point up to the temple, you have to climb 309 steps so I was glad that temperature up on the moutain was much cooler than down in the city. The trip and the climb were well worth it though as the temple was mightily impressive and the views back over the city were spectacular. James, Nathan and I spent a good while wondering around the temple and soaking up the views, snapping photos like dutiful tourists.

After making our way round the complex we headed back to town, with some amusement provided on the way when a bee flew up the shorts of a Polish girl, leading to much jumping around and screaming before she got stung and the bee flew off.

The three of us grabbed some food and sat chatting for a couple of hours before heading to the bottle shop where we found the hilariouslly named "Black Cock" vodka. This led to much giggling and lines such as "you cant beat a good bit of black cock in your mouth to warm your stomach" and "you always get a bad headache if you have too much black cock the night before!"

Nathan headed back to his guesthouse and we to ours. We timed it pretty much right as the sky had darkened dramatically and the wind was howling, picking up dust and debris and hurling it down the streets. The power went out across the entire city and walking around seeing locals battening down the hatches and closing their stores, it was like something from a movie.

Soon enough the promised storm arrived and the rainfall was monsoonesque, if only for an hour or so. Lightning flashes lit the sky and I sat watching it all with a bottle of sang som from the cover of a canvas awning in the garden.

The storm passed by and James and I headed out for dinner and a couple of beers. On the way back we stumbled across some people being served drinks from a pink camper van so headed over to investigate. We were soon being made a tequila sunrise by Wey, the entrepreneur who had set up the operation 4 days ago, spending £10k on and converting the van into a mobile bar. Sat and sampled a few cocktails while chatting away with the various farangs (foreigners) who were gathered round, a mix of Ozzies, Saffers, Canadians and Brits. Eventually the customers drifted off in small groups and after a last long island ice tea we stumbled our way back to the guest house feeling a little fuzzy round the edges.

If you are ever in Chiang Mai, try not to have too much black cock and keep an eye out for the pink van near the East Gate as you can have yourself some sex on the beach, which I definitely wasnt expecting when I arrived in the mountains of Northern Thailand!

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