Chiang Mai

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Night train from Hualamphong, very cool, bloody freezing in fact. The carriage started off all seated and then the man came and folded out the beds and made them up with sheets and curtains. We had prepared ourselves with a few cans of Singha from the station 7/11 and a bit of rowdiness followed. Pretty sure the rest of the tour group don’t really like us, possibly the rest of the train as they’ve all gone to bed and shut the curtains! Hilarious start to the tour cracking ourselves up. Point to note - bottom bunk the better one as its dark and warm. Top bunk has light in your face and AC blowing at you whole night. Shouldn’t complain, was the first time I’d been cold since I’d left London.

Sumart’s only rule of trek - you can’t say fuck, you have to say pumpkin.

Arrived in Chiang Mai in the morning and headed to the guesthouse to check in. Had a free day so the girls went in search of the nearest massage place. Jahna and Pris bargained down the price of a pedicure and full body Thai massage (no happy ending) but left after an hour with a pedicure and a foot massage, slight communication problem there, not such a good deal after all. Very nice all the same.
After a tuk tuk tour of the city, we checked out the night markets and headed back for our last sleep in a proper bed for a few days.

Trekking started the next day after a long, windy drive up into the mountains in the back of a pick up truck or ute for the Aussies. After a splash around in a waterfall we hiked half the day over very steep terrain in the heat. No one likes Jahna anymore for booking this. I suspect not even Jahna - who by the way is nowhere to be seen.

Saw, a local villager, is helping Sumart with the tour - this boy is Thailand’s answer to Steve Irwin and dives off into the jungle to pick up a snake. Samart pokes a stick into a tarantula hole and the angry spider leaps out and the terrified Sumart leaps back. Very funny. Apparently they usually just bite the stick from within the comforts of their nest. Not this time.

We reach the first hill tribe village where we are spending the night. We are shown to a shed which will be our bedroom - mattresses are lined up with mossie nets along the barn wall so we choose our spot and head to the waterfall for a much needed shower. Eco-traveller Pris cracks out the all purpose Kathmandu biodegradable soap while Samart whips out the L’Oreal. (Pris has spent a fortune in Kathmandu on all kinds of crap - she has never been camping before probably to the delight of the shop assistant.)

Had a Thai cookery lesson as Sumart made us some red curry and spring rolls for dinner and then sat around talking in the kitchen hut as a storm set in and it got dark. Saw a massive spider in the wall, freaked us all out a little, freaked Sumart out a lot. And then a surreal thing happened - one of the kids ran in with a dead squirrel which was taken by one of the ladies of the tribe who proceeded to rip it open (no tools here - bare hands) and clean it out before skewering it (in mouth, out bum) and putting it on the fire. Pris and I, giggling nervously, decided to leave before it was done in fear of being offered some.

Day 2 of the trekking led us through the jungle some more to an area where elephants were being bathed in the river. A naughty elephant was rolling around in the water refusing to do anything it was told. Awesome to see although felt bad for them as they were chained up and seemingly desperate to get free. One elephant was chained up miles away from the others - apparently this is what they do if one is in the huff - they have to keep it away from others to stop the bad mood infecting the herd. Still, felt very sorry for the huffy elephant on the naughty step. Also hoped this wasn’t going to be the one I got to ride.

Hiked onto the elephant camp - where the elephants were let loose and spent the night - also where we were to spend the night. Was much, much better to see them loose and behaving naturally in their environment as they rolled in the river, interacted with each other and ate from the overhanging trees.

We all hopped into the river with life jackets to float down the rapids which was fun til I slammed into a rock (shallow water - still dry season) resulting in the most impressive bruise on my thigh. Abrasion number 1. Many more abrasions to follow - Pris had a particularly good blister on her foot and Jahna had shitty river water stuck in her ears. No worries though, Jahna has first aid kit the size of Toowoomba.

Another delicious feast cooked by Sumart followed by star gazing around the campfire. Sumart had us all in stitches with some hilarious and very long winded jokes with terrible, terrible punchlines but it didn’t matter, they were hilarious!

Day 3 of the trek and we’re all up early for elephant riding. No one wants the naughty elephant which is still running amuck. A few of us are helped on and told to sit behind their ears - no saddles for now. Me and Pris are going good, not too scary until they decide to head into the river to join naughty elephant who is underwater at this stage. Oh good. Thai man runs after Pris and hops on the back - she’s under control again, phew. Naughty elephant is now out of river and charging at people making screeching elephant noises. Mine is also out of the water and wandering through a bee nest but no one cares as they are all avoiding the charging! Am screaming BEES and getting stung over and over again. Big stupid thick skinned animal hasn’t noticed yet. Joel gets the man’s attention and he gets the elephant to kneel down and I hop off and run into the river. Do not like elephants anymore. Have to get back on though - with saddles and Joel this time - for a trek through the jungle. Much more pleasant although still wary of bee swarms. Nerves are calmed by Pris’s elephant who is blowing snot and dirt all over her and batting her with a branch which they use to get rid of the flies. Is very funny - Pris is very much a city girl. She’s not in Sydney anymore!

Rafted on a bamboo raft the rest of the way to Saw’s village where we spent the last night of the trek. Bit of guitar and singing after dinner almost some “spicy times” for someone. What happens (or doesn’t) on tour...

Day 4 of trek involved no trekking but a half day’s rafting and then a pick up back to the guest house. Some comedy moments in the river rapids as we got stuck on rocks, lost our steering stick things etc. All slept on the ride back and had very long welcome showers once back in our rooms.

Big night in Sumart’s local bar, cocktails all round, beer bongs and tequila shots (bit too much for some) and then a drunken ride home in the pick-up followed by noodle soup then bed.

Back to Bangkok to meet Lorna! Loved loved loved Chiang Mai.

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