Millions of street vendors, insane rain and ballistic fat fish in Bangkok

---

It was my grand idea to get up at 5.30am to see the sunrise, the internet said it was due to put in an appearance at 6.05am. Glyn came with me and we headed to a small pier within the hotel grounds. It was already quite light but the sun needed to climb mountains ahead of us before he could shower us with his death rays. It was nice to be up at that time; when all is quiet except all the insects, frogs and birds that never shut up. If ever you've watched a film set in the jungle and think that they are overdoing the background noise, they are not; if anything the sound guys will have turned it down so that you can hear the dialogue.

At breakfast I had my first ever visit to an egg station. Glyn said it was rather obvious that I was a novice at this, so he offered to show me the ropes. Breakfast for me also included garlic penne pasta, tempura onions and some sweetcorn. I hoped everyone else had garlic for breakfast or they may not enjoy the 4.5 hour minibus journey to Bangkok with me, which began at 8.30am.

The ferry was a bit crappy and closed in compared to the one going out, so I slept through the entire crossing.

It's time to mention toilets again. This is because although Thailand is so much wealthier than Vietnam and Cambodia, their public toilets are no better. No matter if it's at a really swanky super-clean service station that had a fake lily pond with it's own crystal clear waterfall, once you get to the loo you realise they spent the money on the wrong things. Upon entering a cubicle, you directly have to step over an open drain flowing from cubicle one to the rest. The 'toilet' is of the squat variety but it isn't flush to the floor, oh no, that would be too easy. It's more like an oval pot about a foot high with treads to place your feet, made of ceramic, so slippery when wet as you squat balancing precariously as you do your business. Obviously there's no flushing mechanism, but a bowl (sometimes more like a plastic saucepan) bobbing in a small reservoir of water in the cubicle that you have to scoop up and pour down the 'toilet'. If you are lucky enough to have a sink for hand washing, it generally is outside and sightings of soap have been few and far between. We stopped for the loo twice on our journey to Bangkok, once at a service station and then outside a Mcdonalds. Neither was anything to write about - oh wait!

It seemed so much hotter the closer we got to Bangkok, and it was already very hot as we left. When I stepped out of the minibus (with rather weak aircon) at the second toilet stop, I thought it was just down to being amongst vehicles and exhaust fumes that was making me fry. Getting away from the traffic, I discovered that it was the sun alone making me feel a like a vampire on the verge of combusting when stepping into daylight.

As we got closer to Bangkok, we could see a huge grey cloud over it and I was happy about this as it meant that it would be getting cooler even if it did mean rain. Bangkok is a huge city compared to anywhere we've been this holiday, I saw the flyovers and six lane traffic for the first time in over two weeks. Whenever we stopped at traffic lights people selling good luck charms to keep away bad spirits would approach us, they were covered from head to toe, protected from the sun with massive peaked caps that had adjoining face masks and hood down the back, plus they had long sleeves and wore gloves. Our van driver bought a charm and we were told that it was probably Cambodians selling them.

Spirit houses are everywhere to be seen, they look like multi-coloured free standing bird houses, with buddhas and joss sticks. They are at the front of homes, shops, hotels etc to keep away bad spirits. I saw shops selling them in endless rows like second hand car dealers.

We arrived at the Royal Princess Hotel in Bangkok at 2.45 and were a bit dismayed that are rooms weren't ready as we were itching to get out quickly due to the fact that there was little time to be had. Also of note, this hotel is in the most expensive area we have stayed at but is the only one charging for wifi (600 bahts, which is around £12 per day AND then this is only for one device!!!), when you compare the poor homesteads in Vietnam who charged us nothing and flung in a free foot massage, well it's not impressive.

Jeff eventually got us on a boat trip which we suspect after studying the guidebook, cost us a fair bit more than had we sorted it ourselves. Whatever, we didn't have time to fart about.

Each couple had a tuk tuk each to get to the river Chao Praya, where we boarded rather unstable and long, narrow flat boats, that wobbled rather a lot as we individually stepped down into nervously. It had a bit of a canopy as a roof and open sides. The main river was very wide and full of ferries and tourist boats, plus not a lot that was particularly scenic.

Turning off into a tributary, we got down to old Bangkok, with stilted houses on the riverside. We saw quite a few courting couples at the river edge, but mostly it was people's homes so they were going about their Saturday business. I did wonder that we might get less waving and smiles now that we were in the big city, but happily I was wrong. A lot of the area was run down and shabby. I asked Jeff if it was safe for tourists to wander about the streets near there, he replied: not really - but it used to be! Some of the areas, though very poor had lots of greenery and flowers and were obviously well cared for.

I was surprised to pass a field of morning glory, given that we were in the middle of a capital city. I was told it was a farm! We also passed old wooden fishing boats which looked cool but were often falling apart. More common were bright blue fibre glass boats being paddled by old ladies that went all coy as we photographed them - the ladies, not the boats.

I had my camera with the short lens totally pointing the wrong way when I glanced to the right and saw a stork swoop down and catch a fish on my side of the boat. Glyn saw it too and leaned over and said: "I bet you wish you'd been ready for that with your zoomer boomer" (70-300mm zoom lens to everyone else!). Jeff pointed to a massive lizard on a step beside the river which he claimed was almost a crocodile, now it was big, bigger than caimans I have seen, but we were moving too fast for me to see properly, but I suspect it really is nothing like a crocodile. Whatever it was, it was over 3 foot long and it's cool to see one of those roaming free and not in a safari park as I usually do.

Passing more stilt houses we eventually came upon a monk by a temple, throwing bread into the river, looking all serene and at one with nature as is the job of monks in orange in Asia. Jeff asked for some loaves in exchange for a donation to the monastery, seriously, let us just say that Jeff bought bread from a monk, as plenty of tourists do. The catfish in the river were around 18 inches in length and not shy about begging for bread, and fishing is not allowed in the river by the temple, so the fish are totally smug and fat. We had a loaf each and chucked it in the river as the catfish went totally ballistic, beating the crap out of each other for the bread and splashing us a lot at the same time. I got stared out by one of them and there were so many going so nuts, I thought one might end up in the boat!

The grey sky decided to back up it's threat of rain with a dash of thunder and we wondered how long it would take the boat to fill with water and sink. Fortunately the rain was only light at this point, and it brought with it a very welcome cool breeze. As Steve and Yiyi are leaving early tomorrow and Helen was feeling poorly (there's a shitty cold going around the group), the others went back to the hotel.

Glyn and I took a tuk tuk to Khao San Road which is a touristy/hippy/trustafarian/street seller/a little bit dodgy type area. You can get fake ID there should you need it, and one bar was bragging in a huge yellow sign that no ID was required to go in it, I guess that's for underage drinkers. This is a good place for people watching and is fun to walk around looking at all the stalls and food.

The sky cracked and then the rain came down like it never had before. Everyone ran for cover, bars pulled in their outdoor chairs and tables and market people draped their stalls in plastic. Quicker than lightning, an old lady with an umbrella hat appeared from nowhere selling umbrellas and plastic ponchos, so this must happen a lot. No need to get a brolly though as it was all over in 20 minutes or so.

Wandering up a side alley, Glyn helped me barter for two pairs of earrings from a lady who was completely not pushy, so I was more inclined to buy from her shop. From another stall I purchased my obligatory fridge magnets and Glyn spotted a montage of three monk boys doing the monkey 'hear no evil' etc, a bit cheesy, but we like a bit of cheese, so Glyn bartered with the guy who gave us a good price as we are his friends now. Glyn also got a serene picture of a boat on a Thai type river with sunsetty background for £2.

Many of the bars and cafes on the Khao San Road were pumping out really terrible western pop music, so we didn't got to any of those. We found one that was empty and a bit tatty, but looked OK and we could sit on the street and watch the people. For 470 bahts (around £9) we got two big meals, spring rolls, sparkling water and a large bottle of beer. We were happy, and what a diverse place - they were advertising massages at the back in red neon lights. It was a good meal although we were approached by loads of people trying to sell us wooden frogs that croak, all in one cigarette cases with lighters, laser pens, wooden snakes, friendship bracelets and other useful stuff.

Back in the UK, Glyn and I have a favourite Thai restaurant which, by sheer coincidence, is called 'Favourite Thai Restaurant' - if ever you are in Burton on Trent, Staffordshire, UK, do go there - check it out on Trip Advisor. Now when we last ate there, I was super impressed by their elephant shape bread board come bread bowl and wanted one so much that they offered to sell it to me, but I decided to wait until I got to Thailand and then completely forgot about it. As luck would have it, a man in the street came up to me whilst we were at the cafe and sold me one, it felt strange to not keep saying "No thank you" as I did with the 10 million other street sellers who approached me as I was eating.

It was getting dark now and we wandered about, crossing dangerous looking roads and witnessing a minor car crash where the occupants got out and took photos of the damage, not worried that they were in the middle of and blocking a major roundabout. We stopped at a rather posh hotel and walked around like we were guests to enjoy their icy aircon and use their loos (not squat loos!!!!!!!).

My plan was a super early morning to go and watch the locals doing Tai Chi in the park, but found out upon our return to the hotel that said park is over an hour away and we really won't have the time. Glyn is gutted that we won't be getting up at 5am on our last day. But because of said plan, we headed back at this time with a tuk tuk who didn't seem very sure of where he was going, despite us showing a piece of paper with the name of our hotel written in Thai that Jeff had previously given us. We wanted to go to the 7/11 to get beer, milk and snacks and a security guard insisted on helping us cross the road. He also insisted on crossing us back and told us off properly when we didn't do exactly as told, sorry, I don't speak Thai :-(

---

Photos

Koh Chang Sunrise
Thailand