Backpacking 101: How to look the part

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Khao San Road. Ground zero for backpackers in Bangkok. All I can say is thank god I didnt stay there myself. While I can accept that it can help ease the transition from west to east and back again, the fact that it has been completely (and I do mean completely) inundated with backpackers from all over the world leaves it somewhat lacking in the 'charm' department. It is basically a place where you hear every language but Thai and are able to pick up whatever it is you may have forgotten at home at prices that would make a Chattuchuk market vender pee his pants in excitement. That said, should any of you consider a trip to Thailand and want to stay there and fit in, then simply follow these instructions.

As for your hair, dreadlocks or basically any kind of unwashed hair is perfectly acceptable. Should you prefer a different look, a shaved head is also fine. Just make sure that you tan before you come over if you shave your head or you will look like a Q-tip and accordingly attract every tuk-tuk driver within 50 yards. Facial hair can be worn in any of the following styles: full beard, goatee, soul patch, or serious sideburns.Applies to both men and women.

Piercings are encouraged. Especially those ones that create ever expanding holes in the earlobe and are then plugged with accordingly larger discs. Piercings on any other part of the body will not be stared at in the least.

Tattoos are also very common. Whats that you say? You didnt have time to get one before you left? Not a problem. There are plenty of tattoo shops in the area. Henna tattoos are also available for those who want to look the part only for as long as they are in south-east asia.

Men are encouraged to wear camoflagued combat shorts and fake Diesel/Rip Curl/Chunky Monkey T-shirts while women like to sport a more retro hippie style with locally purchased "traditional" sarongs/fisherman pants or anything tie-dye. Bras are optional.

Footwear is of course the Flip-Flop. Any style and brand is fine. Feel free to experiment with Crocs as well.

Follow these simple steps and you will be well on your way to fitting in with the crowd. Just make sure you stop at one of the many streetside cafes and watch an episode of Friends or recently released Hollywood movie, 'cos heaven knows thats what one travels halfway around the world to do. Twats.

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