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Published: November 10th 2006
One of the joys, excitement, challenges, call it what you like, of travelling is that you never quite know what unforeseen event will take place thereby torpedoeing an otherwise brilliant plan.
It is due to one such torpedo that I am now in Bangkok and not Hanoi, which is where I would very much like to be. Looking at the map, Bangkok is roughly 300 miles from Vientiane (my starting point of yesterday) in exactly the opposite direction of Hanoi (where I would have liked to finish yesterday). How did this happen??? How indeed......
Yesterday all started so well. I left the internet cafe around 2.45pm for the short walk back to my hotel, to pick up my bags and wait for my pre-ordered taxi to arrive to take me to the airport for my flight to Hanoi. On the way to the airport (and this is the crucial bit) I needed to stop off at the Vietnamese embassy for the mere formality of picking up my Vietnam visa which I had applied and paid for the previous day.
'Errr, sorry Sir, very big problem.....' were not the words I really wanted to hear from the official as I handed over my receipt whilst the taxi waiting outside.
It turns out that George W. Bush is coming to Hanoi to meet his Chinese counterpart, and because of this, the Vietnamese authorities are panicking about the influx of foreigners. The Government in their infinite wisdom, took a decision not to issue any more visas until the 20th November. Unfortunately, they took this decision half way through my visa application and I was therefore declined.
No amount of begging, pleading, veiled bribing, showing air tickets into and out of Hanoi, hostel bookings, or saying how I "really very much wanted to see Hanoi, and I'd come to Asia especially to see it" helped at all. So, after quarter of an hour I exited the embassy with no visa, and my 1,000,000 kip refunded. Unfortunately one million kip is only around 50 quid, and I had already spent nearly 130 on flights etc.
Whilst thinking about what the hell I was going to do next, my first task was to try to get a refund on my flight. After being re-directed from my first travel agent I managed to get a refund of $99 for my $131 flight. When I asked why the big discount, the girl just stared at me blankly. I gave up caring at this point.
I'd heard about an overnight train from Vientiane to Bangkok, and through sheer desperation of wanting to travel somewhere, I decided to head to a travel agent and book it. I managed to get the last available ticket on the train last night, and the travel agent said that someone would be along to pick me up in 10 minutes to take me to the train. Perfect! I thought. At least something has gone right, and now I can get the 12 hour overnight sleeper train to Bangkok, and just spend a few days relaxing!
As I left the travel agent to pop to get some water, a motorbike pulled up and the driver said "Mister, you go to train?". Shit.
Five minutes later we were speeding through Vientiane, no helmets, the driver with my daypack between his legs and me with my hughe rucksack on, clinging onto the handle behind me.
I initially thought that he was going to take me to a bus station to catch a bus to the train station. However, after we left the city limits it became clear that he was going to take me the full 20km to the train. It was at this point that I was thinking about asking the driver if I could possibly use the helmet that was in the basket on the front. Unfortunately, as I thought about it, he grabbed the helmet and put it on himself. I thought that this was a worrying sign, as he'd already swerved through traffic and nearly hit monks crossing the road.
Once his helmet was on that was it. An angry jerk on the throttle and the bike lurched forwards. The weight of my rucksack threw me backwards and it was only the strength of my arms that managed to stop me falling off the back. At least I thought that there was a good chance that I'd fall onto my rucksack and hopefully slide along the road on it, thus protecting my body and head. Indeed during the journey, I was tempted a few times just to fling myself off the back just to end the hell of a journey.
I dared not move as the driver careered the bike between cars, bikes, potholes, pedestrians, or whatever other obstacles he could find. A monk made a worthy adversary, until even his karma told him not to mess with this nutter.
Next up was a dog, standing blankly in the middle of our side of the road. What would the thing do? Suddenly realise that standing in the middle of a road full of lunatic drivers was not a good idea, then panicand run off the road and into our path? Fortunately rational thought was not within this dogs abilites, so it just stood there and watched us as we sped past it.
Playing chicken with a taxi on his side of the road was our next joy, quickly followed up by overtaking a pick-up truck that was overtaking another pick-up truck!
The roadworks slowed us down for a bit, and I hid behind the driver as stones were flung off the road and hitting his helmet. He got bored with this, and pulled out to overtake on the narrow road, but were faced with the joy of a dump-truck hurtling towards us blaring his horn.
There were times he actually slowed down and I thought that we'd made it, only to be greeted with a sharp jump as we hit a pot-hole followed by a quck jerk on the throttle and we were off again.
On the newly paved road, the needle nudged past 60kph, stabilised there for a bit before accelerating beyond 80. I tried to work this out in mph, before deciding that I didn't want to know, and was not even mildly consoled by the thought "well, at least we'll get there sooner!"
Nothing whatsoever overtook us on that journey, we were the fastest thing on the road. It was only after memories of friends and family's advice to "be careful, take care, and don't do anything silly" and the expectation of having a motorbike crash to add to the "being struck by lightening" episode on this trip that we finally slowed down and the driver pulled the bike across the road. There, a man was waiting with my train ticket, which in turn was handed to me by the driver. Where the hell was I going to put this? My pockets were pulled tight through having my legs spread across the bike, so the only place I could hold it was between my teeth. I certaintly wasn't going to give up a hand from holding the handle behind me, to holding the petty issue of my ticket!
Off we sped again, and by this time tears were streaming down my cheeks due to the effect of the wind. Dust had filled my eyes, which made the task of looking for the potholes all the more fun!
Eventually, after flashbacks, convincing myself that this was not real, and just short of praying, we finally arrived at the train station! Or we didn't....................This was merely the Lao border control, and I had to get a further bus over the "Friendship Bridge" and into Thailand followed by a tuk-tuk ride full of locals talking to me about Manchester United, until I finally arrived at the station.
So, I'm now in Bangkok, and thus began my five days of rest and relaxation to help me get over the disappointment of Halong Bay!
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shayne
non-member comment
good food
Timmy boy, typhoons following you around again. I will continue to avoid you for the next few months ;-) BTW as you're in BK, I'd recommend cabbages and condoms which is a great restaurant in Sukhumvit. Not at all as dodgy as it sounds, I swear (JC will back me up on this one). If you ever do make it to Hanoi, stay in the old town, stay away from the poppies, and do go partying on the Titanic boat which is a great laugh. Enjoy