Ayutthaya - You Wat, You Wat, You Wat You Wat You Wat...

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Thursday, 29th July
Our taxi to take us to the train station was so late it would have given birth (start with a period joke, always goes down well). It didn't matter though because we didn't actually have a train ticket. Buying with TAT means turn up and see what happens apparently. Our 3rd class seat cost 20 baht (40p), maybe we've slightly overpaid those guys yesterday. The train was so hot that we welded to the seats and couldn't get off. At least until the man with the spatula arrived. I spent much of the short journey daring Hayley to sit next to a monk. She refused. She hates a furrowed brow in her direction.

At Ayutthaya nobody from our guesthouse was waiting for us as promised. A tuk-tuk took us for free eventually after we sat stubbornly at the train station but only in the hope of gaining a lucrative daily guide job. Who does he think he is? KPMG? Unlucky buddy, not interested. Feed your family on that gamble. At the hostel - MORADOK THAI GUESTHOUSE - the toothless woman on reception had no idea who we were. Expectation gap. She did try and offer me some whiskey though but I refused because it was 10am and it smelled like her - she had no teeth. Coca-Cola will do that to me in 10 years, I'm in no rush.

Ayutthaya is the old capital of Thailand surrounded by a large square river/moat. No idea what the boundary is there. Most of the historical part of the museum the other day was about here, it's seen more wars than your average American gangland territory. Mostly these were with Burma (the country not the petrol company) and the result was that a lot of the temples of the area are now in disrepair. The map of Ayutthaya shows long, gridded streets that are difficult to walk. Never one to miss an opportunity consequently the tuk-tuks are like a termite colony. The city has no real large buildings taking away any real feel that this is a city.

In a deliberate attempt to destroy the Thai economy we opted for a walk of the inner-city temples despite it being several hours round the route we fancied. We've got time. Our tour took in Wat Matahat, Wat Ratchaburana, Wat Thammgarat, Wat Phra Si Sanphet, Wat Mongkhon Bophit and Wat Pharam. That's a whole lotta Wats. Mostly red brick and all slightly different although the themes seemed to consistent. To hold off the risk of repetitiveness there is also a ton of natural beauty; lakes, those trees with a million roots and lily pad ponds hopefully adding some interest to the photos too. One of the temples had a huge bronze buddha but I didn't go in to it because people were praying and the bit of me that used to be indecisive but now isn't so sure couldn't decide if it was wrong or not.

For lunch/mid-afternoon snack we had a true dining experience. I ordered apple juice that was so green it was impossible to tell what it could have been made from. I did see the Incredible Hulk limp out from the kitchen with a stump where his left foot should have been though. Even better our toasted sandwiches - weren't quite sure of the contents from the menu but thought ham and cheese as standard. Actually, butter and granulated sugar. At least for the rest off the day I could fly instead of having to walk. The woman was worried when I didn't finish the second one!

Friday, 30th July
Just the jetlag without any defiance today kept us in slumber until midday. Still plenty of time for what we wanted to do. We hired bikes from the hostel, complete with basket as always and female's crossbar. Unusual here since most of the women seem to have male genitalia. We managed to navigate across some pretty busy and dangerous roads (the highway code is used to hold doors open here) to a neat restaurant (Baan Kim Pra) overlooking the Pasak river. And a temple just for consistency that they are in fact everywhere you look. We ate as tug-boats pulled along 6 or 7 laden boats of junk every 2 minutes past us.

The temple tour was more difficult today for 2 reasons. The first was that our map was drawn by a modern artist. The second was the dual carriageway bridge with its speeding lorries and mopeds dodging in and out of traffic. Not even sure if it was legal. Also helmetless. If it wasn't hot enough to turn mercury into clay I may have sweated this stone off in fear/expectation of death.

We made it (obviously - I can't afford a ghostwriter) to Wat Yai Chaimongkhon. Unlike yesterday this was a working temple and probably an extra 5 years from falling down. The roofing was all gold. Man we are dripping it's so hot. Fortunately it was a lot cooler inside but again there were people praying...what must they think of us. The huge buddha here is rumoured to have cried once. Someone step on its toe or something out of Only Fools and Horses? Keep the faith Bon Jovi.

At Wat Phanan Choeng we didn't have a look around because the four lane road was a killer. Instead we took photos of its stupa behind trees like it was getting undressed and we worked for a filthy tabloid. We p*ssed around with Salvador Dali's London underground through backstreets and other bridges but we didn't see much more of note.

There is a temple called Wat Khok and one called Wat Wang Konk. Such a fascination with the willy I have.

At dinner we scoped out the restaurant next to the hostel. No tourists is a bad sign. What a f**king mistake. There was some sort of singer straining out some notes amidst what seemed like screams way too loud for conversation. The menu was sh*t and expensive and our orders came without rice. My dinner - Chicken Thai style - had literally no meat. After 30 seconds I put my napkin on it. Let's pay and leave. The waittress looked at my plate and almost screamed. Big insult here I think. I didn't care it was sh*t. Crisps for dinner.

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Photos

Drinking the Incredible Hulk
...after he's been in the blender

The dual carriageway of death
We cycled down the hard shoulder of this, with lorries almost tipping us over