Published: June 23rd 2011June 23rd 2011
my first role on stage was that of a singing angel and my last was a skanky alcoholic. ah, the sweet passing of time.
i do enjoy the blinding and suffocating heat of the limelight and as a kid i had one of those damn crack pipe dreams of being an actress. ever since i saw the movie grease, i wanted to be olivia newton john and sing at my hopelessly alone reflection in a kiddie pool. throughout my educated years, i portrayed a lord of the rings fairy, mrs. cratchett, tom sawyer's sister, a soprano santa, an island native, a duck, a wench, and an overly sequined backup singer. perhaps this is what makes me the eclectic, or some may say schizophrenic, person i am today.
either way, the theater changes you. once you go stage, once again you'll have to rage? once you go thespian, you're a mesopotamian? once you do a play, you have to stay? the point is, those who love acting always find some way to return to it and that's why i had started doing projects with dionysus drama in daejeon. margo mentioned that she wanted us to write a 10 minute short
inspired by the movie "the hangover" and something that was very chelsea handler-esque. i decided to ignore the fact that i had agreed to do this and whenever margo brought it up i would be like "yeah totally, let's go eat some ice cream" to distract her. but the little beezy got me and we started to write the script. it was very manic, even more so because it was two people writing the scenes. we threw in some midgets, osama bin laden, dolphins, booze, russians, and rap music. the obvious formula. compared to most of our nights, it was pretty tame. four friends get wasted and wake up on a boat. they try to piece together their night through conversation and flashbacks and soon enough they are grinding to "i'm on a boat" onstage. andy samberg i did it for you. jess played our tough as nails sexy lady, margo was the spacey vodka cradling sweet one, jazz was the hoochie fashionista with a russian fetish, and i was the drunker than drunk, tiara wearing, kanye loving, friend of stoners. we write what we know ay? margo had the idea for dancing to "i'm on a boat" and it
bitches be crazy.
mom. dad. i'm sorry.
was decided i would get the solo dancing because it was obvious i had a ready made dance routine that i had been working on in my bedroom. i just KNEW someday someone would ask me to break one of those out.
never give up on your dreams kids.
let's be honest here. we practiced like 4 times before we went to the dress rehearsal. we thought we were golden. then we got there and saw all these professional people with their professional props and professional faces and like, professional AURA'S. we felt instantly afraid and ashamed as we tried to cram our lines into our head. so we went for it and fucked up. i mean, we skipped a fair amount of lines. but people laughed and that is what we wanted. so then we spent the next two days rehearsing like crazy for our sunday show. just kidding, we went and got drunk friday and saturday. we saw it as method acting.
sunday. go time. my hair looked like i had been electrocuted. margo had decided that jess would dress like a street walker, jazz's boobs would be on display, and i would have ugly hair...and
she would just look like a cute little fairy with a prostitute amount of make-up on her face. our run through on stage went smoothly and all the other scenes looked ready to go. our friends had arrived and pizza had been eaten. the lights dimmed. the first show, which revolved around puppets and sandwiches, didn't seem to be getting any laughs! this was bad. a crappy audience can kill a show. the next scene, where a man confronts the older man who raped him when they were kids sounded like it was going well but who can tell with something that dramatic. next up, we had a really funny audience participation piece that involved the word FUCK. no not even involved, that word was the whole play. the fourth piece was questioning, serious, and funny, which seemed to leave the audience not knowing what to do with themselves. they were almost ready for us. they just had to sit through an avant-garde scene called "artificial". as in "artificial fire" and then the guy would roll around a plastic bag....THEN it was us.
i walked on the dark stage with an empty bottle of tequila in my hand and people were already laughing. this would go well. the lights came up and i uttered our first powerful and stirring line. "SHIT." by the time we started swirling our towels over our head for our dance number we were all high with the feeling of being on stage and when we ran backstage we were giggling and shaking. we felt like we were born to do this...and then we had to do the second show of the day. didn't we just do this? the energy levels tanked. broadway, here we never come.
i think in one fell swoop, i frightened my parents, disturbed my friends and shamed show bizz with that production. i'm probably not meant to be an actor even though i love it. besides i basically put on a show 5 times a week for my little korean children.