Serious fumblings.

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I've just finished wandering around today's New York Times, peaking in here and there, mostly looking for people-pieces...an article about the editor-in-chief of Men's Health -- described as "handsome middle son," or something of that sort. And then I found Modern Love on the Style page.
The woman talked about her divorce from a white man, as a black woman, due to her impassioned views on race and his dismissal, or inability to firmly grasp the still prevalent racism in America. Although the actual piece was about her attempt to date a new white guy - "No one in American can clam to be free of racist indoctrination and doing so only perpetuates the crime.." she paraphrased someone else. Tim Wise.
And I try to look at my situation here, tossing it around in my head. I teeter between the term racism and some made up term of mine, culturism? culture-dismissal? This ability for teachers and editors, most foreigners, to shy away from or, more frequently, roll eyes at various aspects of the Korean culture. Using obvious generalities like "They" and "us," and similarly, I've found "Americans," tossed around, as if such a group could be defined in terms of a new fashion trend, or the popularity of idiotic television shows.
Although it is supposedly not skin color that separates foreigners from Koreans, it might as well be. The foreigners I've spoken to complain about the whine of Korean women, which I've translated as punctuation. Annoying in "our" culture, maybe, but it appears to be a sincere form of showing emphasis. "I can't stand the way the men hack up phloem and spit it on the ground." And yet could they possibly be blind, or less sensitive to the rudeness of their countrymen? The Korean men I've spotted do not tend to raise their voice, they often stand up for others on the subway, they, like nearly all older Koreans I've seen, dress respectably and hold themselves well. Most of the Korean teenage boys seem to be lost in their thoughts, if they are not quietly snickering with their friends. Do other foreigners miss out on these moments? Am I more likely to color memories with a positive tint?
At first I wondered if it was because I worked in such close quarters with Koreans, and the ratio was near even. But now I realize that most teachers have the same circumstances. They have Korean bosses, and Korean co-workers.
In addition to finding constant fault in Korean personal behavior, many foreigners I've met complain about apartments, about the streets, about the street food, about the lack of, or excess of air conditioning, about the service, either too in-your-face or subtly rude. And it is not simply one restaurant, as they seem to imply with occasional key words. No, it is KOREAN CULTURE. it is just the way things are here. impossible. difficult, and simply not as well-organized, simple or logical as in Australia, Canada, America.
Kim McLarin - the NYT Modern Love writer also wrote
"There was an innocence in this, an innocence of being born white. An innocence I could neither share nor abide." .. referring to her new date's non-chalant comment about everyone being racialized, rather than racist. His inability to recognize that as a Black ? black? woman, she was reminded daily that she was not white, simply by the structure of society, by off-handed comments. Sensitive? Maybe, but I believe that a black woman has a more valid perspective than a white person, in terms of racism still existing.
And perhaps it is my own blindness while in America, my acknowledgement that I hold a strange position similar, although usually with a reverse advantage rather than disadvantage, to a black woman in a room of white women. I am stared at, I am quite obviously different, as are my experiences and interactions specifically due, at first, to the color of my skin. And isn't that what racism points at? Doesn't skin simply shout at the distinction of culture? I am white, therefore I do not know what it is like to grow up in a Korean home, nor to accept certain harsh work standards of Korea, but rather I am a complaining and self-righteous American. I do not know what it is like to feel the growing burden of a twenty-something Korean woman, on the path toward marriage and therefore social success. And so, although my color gives me away when I stroll onto the subway, it is my lifelong experience as a white person and American that sets me aside. Unlike a black American woman, I am assumed to be adventurous, maybe hard-working, or at least interested in Korean culture, therefore honorable, while the underprivileged, undereducated generalisation doesn't cling to my skin.
As a white person, I recognize that even if I were to master the Korean language, my lack of cultural awareness, which can only grow with time, would still set me aside and stamp me with a child status. Which, I admit, doesn't bother me as much as it should. I have Koreans to do the things that you guys have done for me in the past, the nasty details of money, taxes, even transportation and home-fixes. And perhaps it is this realization, that as foreign children in a traditional city of Korea, we are always a bit lost while translating humor, honor and conversation....(to get to the point) that is the base of all irritation of those around me. The lack of control, the lack of a place in society, living out of context -- a phrase I've read several times by other foreign residents.
With all of these fumblings, I cannot help but to feel the innocence of whiteness, 22-year-oldness, and foreigner-child status morph into a firm resolution to push daily interaction and forcefully insert myself into the everyday Korea. I hope to avoid the shackles of negativity. And to attempt to define the context of each situation, so that I can someday bask in the edges of it, if it is impossible for me to accurately interpret the meaning behind a life in Asia.

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Comments

[Hugh]

enjoyable blog!
I really enjoyed your blog 'serious fumblings'. Your positive and idealistic nature comes through and it is very refreshing and poignant! I 'stumbled' upon your blog because I am moving to Seoul in May and I was curious to see various blogs on the subject. I will definitely be checking out your blog on a consistent basis!