Philippines - Alona Beach, Bohol

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Suzanne here...

We'd treated ourselves to a nice little resort for Christmas, booking months before, and were quite excited about it. Nothing too flash, just twelve villas in a garden with a pool and bar / restaurant but it looked lovely online. We arrived at Alona Royal Palm early and the room wasn't ready so had a couple of beers by the pool. It was a beautiful setting but unfortunately a staff meeting was in progress and the owner was having a right moan. Not very professional, it made us feel a bit uncomfortable. Actually this bad first impression wasn't representative of the rest of our stay as he turned out to be really nice. In any case, we decided to make ourselves scarce and explore the area.

Alona Beach semed nice, decent sandy beach and lots of food and drink options. We grabbed a suprisingly good burger at Snack Attack, then went for a beer at the very rock looking Helmut's Place. It was sadly style over substance with no rock to be heard. On the way back we grabbed a few more supplies, including a botle of sparkling wine. Our room was now ready. At first I was just slightly disapointed, not overly keen on the brown colour scheme. But once we'd settled I realised how nice it was. Modern, big room, lovely bathroom, and the softest sheets I've ever known.

Dinner that night was at the nice (if stupidly named) C.U. Biergarten. David got a German dunkel bier so was happy. The food was a little overpriced apart from the buffet, so we went for that. It was a great choice and we especially appreciated the schitzels. I must admit it did not feel that christmassy and if we could have transported ourselves home for a day or two I would. However unbeknown to me David had brought along the mp3 of Rob Halford's Christmas album so we listened to that. Clever David. That (and some brandy) really helped make me feel a bit more festive

So came Christmas Day. We had agreed on no presents, which I was starting to regret. Luckily when we drew back the curtains there was a gift bag sitting there from the resort. Assorted goodies like mango slices and different chocolate bars. It was a lovely suprise and very much appreciated.

The day was spent on the beach. We had lunch at Oasis Resort, excellent Filipino food, a bucket (of six) San Miguel and a view of the sea. After tootling around we headed back to make use of our resort and the pool. We Skyped some friends back home, which was lovely but in a way just made us miss them more. Still, good to see them. We then had our Christmas dinner at the resort. Cordon Bleu for David, pork tenderloin for me. It was all very good. Afterwards we had our sparkling wine and some beers on our porch. Oh, and David also saved a gecko from a dog and kept an eye on it until it recovered!

Boxing Day was more of the same, even down to lunch at Oasis (it was very good). We even had a couple of beers in the jacuzzi, which felt rather decadant. We Skyped David's family, nice but again made us miss home. Dinner was a burrito at a little Mexican place practically next door, also good. More music and beer back on our porch of course.

David has written about our earlier faliure to see The Chocolate Hills, so that was our next priority. We booked a tour for a reasonable 400 pesos each, basically a minibus driving you around the sights of Bohol from 9am to 5pm, so a full day. It started poorly, the first stop was a little animal park which from the photos outside looked horrendous. Half the group, including us, refused to go in. Those that did said it was awful. The second stop was a butterfly park. Looked small, we didn't bother with that either. Next stop was a tarsier sanctury but we'd already been to one. However we did finally make it to The Chocolate Hills and it was all worth it, a really amazing sight. Not sure if the photos do it justice, but we loved it there.

Lunch was a buffet on the Lomboc River cruise. We'd heard good things about it so were looking forward to it, but frankly it was rubbish. Our group was split up (at one point they even wanted to seat me and David at different tables, I said no way). The tablecloths were filthy, the staff dismissive and the food mediocre. The cruise itself was a dull sail in a floating shed up a river lined with dilapidated buildings and trees. There was nothing to see, apart from the embarrassing dancing show from some bored looking local children in another shed by the side of the river. We were also 'entertained' onboard by a guy who could only just play his guitar and sang lost in translation versions of cheesy songs (YMCA? Really?). This all cost 450 pesos. When the surley staff passed around a tip basket I just laughed.

After lunch we stopped briefly at the man-made forest, a bamboo bridge, Baclayon Church and the Blood Compact monument. The bridge was actualy good fun, we had a shower of rain which added to the peril! The rest we could have skipped. The trip was worthwhile for The Chocolate Hills and just to drive through the countryside, but we were glad to get back.

We'd planned to get a rotisserie chicken (they are everywhere in The Philippines) but the place near us had sold out. We walked back into 'town' to another place where the smiling man said they would be ready in half an hour. We asked him to save one for us and went for a beer or two at the nearby Rockaway Cafe. Not exactly metal, but enough rock to be enjoyable. We didn't have a watch so it was probably nearer 40 minutes when we returned. Smiling man was now grumpy man and had sold them all without saving us one. What an absolute git. David was livid. So in the end our dinner was ham and cheese rolls. Better than it sounds, as you do miss simple things when travelling, and the bread, ham and cheese were all very tasty indeed. Still not a whole chicken though!

The following day was David's birthday. I wanted to do somthing different, but David was happy to potter about around Alona so that's what we did. Instead of lunch we had a full English Breakfast at an English cafe (Nikita's). Not something we'd normally do abroad but actually it was good to have a taste of home (baked beans!). After some time on the beach we tried the famous Bohol Bee Farm ice cream. It's made with coconut milk and people had raved about it, but we were not keen.

Back at the resort we popped into the pool. We had a short sharp shower of heavy rain, which David enjoyed while in the jacuzi! Before dinner we had some tasty cocktails at nearby Badi's Bar (a tequila sunrise and a margarita each), probably the best cocktails we'd had in The Philippines. I'd somehow persuaded David that it was his idea to eat at our resort. We had a nice meal, bottle of wine, sausage and mash for David and schnitzels and mash for me. At the end of the meal the owners brought out the birthday cake I'd secretly asked them to order for me, complete with candles and birthday music. I think that he was pleased, if a tiny bit embarrassed!

Our last day was more of the same. It might sound dull, but it was a nice beach, porch and pool, and it was just all very relaxing. We had one last lunch at Oasis, and finished off the birthday cake. A good job too as it turned out...

We'd booked a firefly tour for the evening. Due back at 9pm it would mean a late dinner, but that was ok. We were supposed to leave at 6pm but were left sitting in the (locked) van for 20 minutes with no explanation. We finally left, heading the long way round and at one point stopping, turning round, doubling back on ourselves and driving back down the road. After a couple of minutes we turned around again and headed back the way we'd just come. No explanation was given. The drive took an hour, so it was 7.20pm by the time we reached the river. Then came a 40 minute wait for the boat. The boat finally arrived, yay. Ah, seems this boat was just to take you to a waiting area. This system makes NO SENSE. It was exactly the same type of boat that (eventually) took us on the tour, so why ferry us to a waiting area? Our guess is so you'll buy stuff in their shop. Anyway, we waited forever for the tour, some of our group even nodding off. It was very painful. Finally the tour commenced. I will admit that the fireflies were absolutely stunning, like a tree full of twinkling Christmas lights. We saw two groups and it is a sight I will never forget. The tour was about 40 minutes and about 10 minutes of that was actually firefly watching. We then went back to the waiting area, had to wait again for a boat to take us back to shore, and were finally on our way home. We made slightly better time on the return journey and got back to Alona Beach at just before 11pm. In total we had been out for five hours (for ten minutes of fireflies). I was absolutely furious by this point. Even worse, everywhere we would consider eating was shut. So David's final meal at Alona was a pot noodle and a bag of crisps in our room. My dinner was sweet F.A. :-(

It seems a shame to end on a sour note. So let me reiterate that we loved our stay at Alona and were sad to leave. We'd booked a car to take us to the airport. At 600 pesos it was ovepriced (twice the cost of a trike) but fast and comfortable. We arrived at a hut which turned out to be Tagbilaran airport. Never seen such a tiny airport in my life, and we had to pay 100 pesos each for the privilege of using it! Then we were on our way to Manila.

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