'Vietnam Forever'

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Good evening and welcome to the third installment of Hiral and Charlie, dazed & confused, out but not down, rocking all over South East Asia blog.

Right now you find us in Wheelers Hostel, Chinatown, Kuala Lumpur. There is not a fan in the place, it is sticky and raining and 9.59pm. Wheelers for a start is dumbfounding. Think dirty, think grotty, think an unsavoury block of flats in the Hackney area... Then, 2 floors up you enter the Twilight Zone, through the rabbit hole and bang into the he/she on the reception desk, surrounded by exotic false flowers, lanterns and an aquarium with a turtle. Our room is 'something to be desired' but at two pounds fifty pence at least we have a roof from the rain. We cannot believe we have now been away for 2months and completed not only South East Asia but two thirds of our trip. We have seen and done so much (6 countries in 2 months!!), hardly stopping for contemplation but still we never want it to end and it is frightening how time flies.

Hiral left off the blog at the end of Cambodia, about 3 weeks ago now. One of my favourite memories from that period must have been sat at the side of the road in the 'arse end of nowhere' in Laos 4000 Islands, with my bike. Not only did it now have a puncture but the inner tube had tangled around the wheel and it was just a complete no go. I watched Hiral valiantly cycle off into the distance, wondering if she would ever return for me. Thousands of school children passed on their bikes and motorbikes. I felt like the kid who had worn school uniform on mufti day. I just could not stop laughing, where the hell was I and what was I doing?! Laugh or cry situation; Hiral sent a small child to help me carry the bike and we survived.

From Cambodia we caught an early bus to Hoi Chi Minh City (Saigon) and arriving about mid afternoon found ourselves a very damp room in the backpacker area. The journey to Vietnam from Cambodia was like watching the world mature and regenerate from the window of (about) the 45th coach we have been on. Vietnam was everything I did not expect it to be; modern and beautiful. I immediately felt familiarity, whereas Cambodia was tough and almost alien. We wondered around our surroundings, bemused by the consistent saturation of the roads. Mopeds EVERYWHERE. Crossing the road is a commitment. Do not look, just walk and pray you reach the other side. The next day Hiral found a cockroach in the shower. Now, having been away for over a month by then you would've thought we were friends with these creatures, but this was our first one on one interaction. I was called to the scene. After at least one minutes faff we trapped it in a glass. That's right, Hiral and Charlie 'born survivors'. Disposed of in the hallway, we still stayed the next night. The rest of the day we dwindled in the almost Parisian parks, people watched and visited a Chinese-esque pagoda. Vietnam more than anywhere else we had visited displayed Chinese influence.

Our last day in Hoi Chi Minh we visited the Cu Chui tunnels, home to the Viet Cong guerrillas during the Vietnam War. The tour displayed an open, 'healthy' hate for the Americans in a video, perhaps even dating from the war years. The tunnels were incredible, it is no wonder they were so successful. Very intricate and so well thought out. At one point we were shown a 'hiding hole' where one of the tour guides popped out. We were all welcomed to give it a go and get inside - there was no way these womanly hips were getting in that bad boy!! - Hiral and I left it to the professionals. We did however go in the tunnels, that have been 'widened' for tourists. As a big wuss I felt claustrophobic almost immediately. I got out first exit after about 20m! A truly fascinating existence.

We left that afternoon on a coach to Da Lat, north west of Saigon in the mountains, in search of 'The Easy Riders'. The majority of the journey we were on a dirt road that saw the coach flirting with a cliff edge. Hair on end and bruised and abused we arrived in the airy, cool mountain district. A ghost town at night we stayed at the first open place. Next day we moved Guesthouse, staying in a recommended but quite expensive place called 'Dreams', boasting 'massage showers' and a jacuzzi, pre-tty good! We thought we would give bicycles another go. I sent Hiral off to get them, a man turned up at the guesthouse 20mins later with a mountain bike, the seat reaching my waist. I tried to cajole it, I tried to force it. It was not going any lower. Then, just as I had begun to wheel it up the hill to tell Hiral the news, I met Buddha. Now let me tell you about Buddha. Short, pretty rotund, pie-faced, red, biggest smile I have ever seen and well placed facial hair; quite like a Buddha really. He was a member of 'The Easy Riders', Russian motorbike in toll, as the phrase goes, 'you don't find them, they (definitely) find you'. 'The Easy Riders' are a group of tour guide bandits (the originals ex-Viet army) who offer tours on the back of their motorbikes. They will take you anywhere in Vietnam you want to go and most probably will know everything about it. After he charmed me with such phrases as 'no money no honey', 'skin of water buffalo and monkey bum' and 'very sexy Buddha', topped off with a diary kept in his back pocket filled with handwritten recommendations by people he had given tours to, together with numerous passport photos of women he claimed to be them (all very horror film-esque); he convinced me to take him to Hiral and book a tour with him. We spent the rest of that day looking round the quaint town of Da Lat, tasting treats in the colourful market and then enjoying our rooftop jacuzzi!

9am meet Buddha and Quinn at the door of our hostel. Buddha has bought us presents. Of course I have first dibs on Buddha and he is my driver, Hiral gets Quinn. Helmets on, 'burly stud-muffin' (we wish!) drivers revving the engines, we jumped on and hell yes did we look rockin' on motorbikes. Wind in the hair, 'Highway to Hell' pumping through our veins, we were motorbike babes. Both Hiral and I now want motorbikes. It is an incredible feeling of freedom and joy. Definitely one of the best ways to see everything and one of my favourite days so far. Buddha took us first to see a big white Buddha. It was bloody massive. Then they took us through beautiful farmland, countryside and mountain irrigation systems. Divided into oblongs of green and brown we saw men and women in peaked woven hats working the land. We stopped so Buddha could patriotically tell us about the farms of Da Lat. Hiral pointed at a hillside covered in small monuments and asked 'What is that?'. Buddha replied 'A cemetry'. Hiral 'O yeah a Semi-Tree, cool...er, so, whats a Semi-Tree?' Haha, the language barrier at its funniest!

Next stop was one of the multitude of tribes in Vietnam. Each distinct but similar. We saw traditional weaving and were introduced to a man who spoke fluent French from serving in Hospitals during the war. He took us into his traditional hut and as Hiral put it 'he basically sang at me, made me drink vinegar and then asked me for money' haha! He tried to tell us in half English, half French, bit of tribe lingo about his family and life and then sang and gave us rice wine. After that Buddha 'took' us to a waterfall. Stranded at the top of a mountain he gave us vague instructions to a deserted waterfall. The eager trekkers that Hiral and I are, we must have gone the wrong way as we ended up scrambling over rocks, listening for sounds of water. I went right down the river, Hiral went left. I suddenly heard a 'plop' and then silence. I shouted 'HIRAL!' as I could not see her. Yes she had gone head first into a ravine! We made it to the waterfall though and it was beautiful. Took a few snaps and splashed about. Buddha told us to meet him at the cafe near the waterfall. Sudden thought, 'where is the cafe'. Pieced together it may be above the waterfall. Heard Buddha shouting down from above us but could not see him. Contemplated the near death climb and tried to navigate a route up. Hiral and Charlie, Janes of the Jungle, adventurers extraordinaires; we dominated that waterfall. Exhausted we hopped back on the bikes.

Next we were taken to the last King of Vietnam's 'Summer Palace'. Aka a run down 1960's hotel? Sat outside, merrily bought an icecream, Hiral went to take a photo of me, next thing I know Japanese tourist in my grill with the peace sign. Fine, quite funny. Then a swarm of Japanese tourists. Hiral is pushed unwittingly into the photo, her camera is taken by a snap happy tourist, more cameras come out, more Japanese people surround us. Apparently something is hilarious but we are not in on the joke. Finally, camera is taken back and we get up and walk fast paced away. Bloody bizarre! Final destination beautiful gardens and a lake. Then a sad farwell to Buddha and Quinn at our hostel. I have Buddha's business card - if you're ever in the Da Lat neighbourhood deffo look him up!

We left for the sun & sea of Nha Trang that night on the fullest, miniest minibus around. Dirt tracks and descending through the clouds to the bottom of the mountain (Hiral and I are convinced we were on one of the roads from that Vietnam Top Gear). Nha Trang is a neon signed seaside town. Destination for Vietnamese holidaymakers with a Municipal beach strip reminiscent of LA but not as flash/nice. The next day we set off for Bai Dai beach, described by Rough Guides as 'the best beach in Nha Trang'. Water was beautiful and so clear, but we were definitely the only westerners who had ventured there out of the resort. Hit the Sailing Club in the evening. Think a posh Butlins, fine cuisine and beautiful surroundings combined with those cringe on stage games that your Dad always volunteers you for and the MC gets his kicks the more red and embarrassed you get. So we watched a few drink fuelled sack races.

The next day we donned our sea legs and set out on a boat trip around the surrounding islands. Once again the only westerners, we seemed to be a hit with the Vietnamese. First boat stop we did some snorkelling, made friends with a Vietnamese American. Then lunch on the boat and the promise of a music show - all very lovely. Took our seats on the bottom deck and witnessed, what can only be described as wailing men on heat. There was a battered drumkit, an electric guitar, one lead singer and a backing vocalist come dancing dude. It was hilarious; the playlist included 'Vietnam Forever' (a traditional Vietnamese ditty) and an 'English' song just for us, that neither Hiral nor I recognised. A very merry, bot-bellied man got up and got his jig on - and much to Hiral's delight nearly took me with him. Post the 'rock concert', the backing dancer man stripped down to his speedo's, donned a cowboy hat and climbed in the sea. He swam out balanced himself on a striped life-ring, stood up, waved a large bottle of rice wine and screamed 'HAPPY HOUR'. Before we knew it men everywhere were in their swimmers and were diving off the boat left right and centre. 2Unlimited pumped out from the stereo 'There's No Limit', the school disco tunes were back. The man in the cowboy hat swung his hips and people were floating in rings downing rice wine all around him. Not ones to turn down a party, Hiral and I were very much encouraged to jump in and join. So there I was, floating in a Vietnamese sea, cup of rice wine in hand, Hiral in a cowboy hat, fabulous! It is crazy but all I can say is lets introduce the 'floating bar' to England, the Thames?!

We continued on up Vietnam the next night taking a sleeper bus with actual bunkbeds! Hiral and I both drew short straws and ended up top bunks, my head to her feet! Was interesting - three bunkbeds in a row across the bus. We were headed to Hoi An. A UNESCO world heritage site, the ancient city of Hoi An is beautiful. Riverside, Chinese pagodas and houses, streets lined with lanterns and artisan shops, dimly lit restaurants and tailors galore. You want anything made, exactly to fit you, you got it! They had floor length gowns, fine silks, suits, skirts - even 'nike' dunks made to fit your very own feet! Hiral and I went a little spend crazy and were dying to get something out of 'Vogue' made for ourselves haha! Truly quite a magical place. We only stayed one night and booked ourselves onto a 16hour sleeper train from Hoi An to Hanoi. I was very excited for this train. Thoroughly sick of coaches, minibuses and public buses; I had visions of the Hogwarts Express, Darjeeling Limited, even the fun and vividness of Slumdog Millionaire, I was thinking charming pine wood compartments and a dining cart, I was thinking Hiral and I merrily playing cards as we watched the beautiful landscape subside.
I could not have been more wrong!! Of course we had bought the cheapest ticket and this in turn meant that our 'bunks' were third up from the floor. We struggled up onto the busy train, squeezed down the corridor, opened the door to our cupboard/compartment, met our downstairs neighbours (a whole Vietnamese family to the two bottom bunks, a German couple on the middle bunks) and then looked up, way up, there were our beds; on the ceiling. Dumbstruck we tackled the job in hand. I spidermanned to the top, Hiral pushed up our backpacks to me (bigger than the beds) and then joined me in hell. Lying down was our only option - we could not even sit up haha! So flat on our backs we were for 12hours. I had to lie with my head hanging over the edge to remind myself there was room in this room!! It was such an experience. All in all when the middlebunkers got off and we moved down and could see out the window it was gorgeous watching the world speed by.

So we stood up, stretched out, waved goodbye to the train and entered the capital city Hanoi. We stayed in a pretty funky hostel, infamous in Hanoi and jam packed with travellers. As a matter of absolute coincidence/luck we walked straight into our friend Jo's housemate Sarah at the hostel and complete with her friends reveled in the bar that night. The next day we formed a motley cru and Hiral led us round Hanoi on the 'Lonely Planet' walking tour. Each street in Hanoi has its own trade/produce ie. 'Shoe Street', 'Steel Street', 'Tacky Ornaments and Light Fixtures Street' etc. The roads were the same as Saigon but the place felt older, wearier and with more character. The tour culminates as the large lake in the middle of the city and with a 'Water Puppet Show'. b.i.z.z.a.r.e! I watched a giant golden turtle steal a sword from a confused looking man in a loincloth. And that is all I can remember!

For our last 3 days in Vietnam we decided to go on a boat trip to Cat Ba Island and Ha Long Bay. Praying some other cool kids would be on our boat we set off through the rain and misty/greyness to the harbour. Feeling like extras in 'Pirates of the Caribbean' Hiral and I boarded ship. First stop off was the 'Amazing Cave', which was pretty amazing. Intricate rock formations and plenty of tourists with breathtaking views of the bay. We managed to make some interesting friends (as always) and when we got back on the ship had a lovely afternoon on top deck seeing the stunning bay with its staggered cliffs and green topped rocks. Ended in Cat Ba Island in a pretty horrid damp hotel. Nothing a few beers and some tofu didn't solve though! Next day we woke up to be told we were to be going 'trekking'. Ah. We only bought flipflops. Tourguide: 'Yes yes flipflops is better.' Great. Well we rockclimbed up a cliff face in flipflops. Yes sir we did! Got very muddy. Born survivors. The view from the top was lush and green and Hiral even braved the spindly, rusty metal tower that only admitted 5 at a time, at the peak. The boat then took us out through the bay and we anchored under the stars; beers, friends and cabins! In the morning we got to go kayaking around the floating villages and rock formations. Got those bingo wings working! It was very beautiful and serene.

We flew to Singapore, in style with 'Tiger Airways' on Tuesday 16th from Hanoi. Waving a fond farewell to Vietnam, I thoroughly enjoyed our time there. We met Singapore at night, seeing the city lit up like a glitterball. On the Wednesday we headed straight for the Oxford Street of Singapore, Orchard Road. Having heard and read mixed things about Singapore I was expecting an extremely clean but somewhat emotionless city. The cleanliness is brilliant and I found Singapore's personality is in its pre-planned modernity. Staying in Little India we got the MRT (the tube!) to the golden mile of retail, the shrine to all material goods; I have never been so dumbfounded by shopping centres. Chanel and Gucci next to another Chanel and another Gucci. We cosmopolitan-ed around for a bit, feeling pretty dirty and 'uncool' next to all the fashionistas. Went in a River Island, New Look, Miss Selfridge AND Topshop. Very surreal and pricey. Even went in a Marks & Spencers food only shop, felt like I had stepped into England when we found the Percy Pigs. Then we took the uber-efficient and uber-clean MRT (no eating, no drinking, no littering, no chewing gum or fines all round) to another shopping centre with a futuristic cinema and saw Alice in Wonderland 3D. Hot footed it back to Orchard Road and rooted out an Irish Bar to have some St Paddy's Day drinks! On Thursday it rained, we got trapped in 'The Asian Civilizations Museum' for about 3 hours. Good museum. We went on Singapore's answer to the London Eye that night and got a whole pod to ourselves! Saw the bright lights and the quaysides. Friday we had a Chinese feast in Chinatown followed by possibly one of our 'largest nights' so far. But as before what happens in 'Singapore stays in Singapore'. Lets just say it involved some merlot, gin in jam jars and a lock in in Little India's 'Mumbai Nights Bar'!! We were not popular in the dorm room that night!

Coach to Kuala Lumpur the next day we hit our 6th country. Stayed in another dingy hell hole in the craziness of Chinatown. Visited the Petronas twin tours (shiny and very tall) had some sushi, waltzed around the parks. Decided to go up the KL Tower (fighting my fear of heights - next stop skydive!). The ticket for the KL Tower only came combined with a pony ride, a Formula1 simulator and a trip to the animal park. Seeing the rows of children Hiral and I decided to skip the pony ride and instead watched a cobra devour a chicken in the animal park. Visited the Art Deco Central Market jam-packed with gorgeous goods and got a fish-foot-massage; very weird, felt like leeches.

And then today, our last day in South East Asia. We bus-ed it to the Batu Caves just outside the city, a Hindu pilgrimage site. Met by a large gold statue we swam through the heat up the stairs into the caves, very colourful and exciting shrines. Then visited the largest Mosque in South East Asia. Dressed up like an extra from Lord of the Rings we wondered round the white tiled mosque and inadvertently were trapped by a volunteer trying to convert us to Islam! Now you find me here, Chinatown, waiting to get a coach at midnight back to Singapore. Plan is arrive there 5am, sit on the street for about an hour until the first MRT to the airport and fly to Sydney at 9.30am Singapore time. So we are off to see the Wonderful Wizard of OZ, and I cannot wait. Really need to top up my burn - I am peeling! Surfer babes here we come.

Au revoir South East Asia, it has been wild. Sorry this blog has been so long - I want to capture everything, even if it just for Hiral and I's memory. We love you all friends and family and miss you. Please keep sending us comments and messages.

Hiral & Charlie - nearly downunder!

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