Borneo

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So, another month gone by in South East Asia, time flies when you're having fun! Let's start with an unneccesarily controversial bang...South East Asia is Cinderella to Central America's Ugly Step Sisters. Yeah, that's completely unfair and way too harsh, as Central America had more of its fair share of gems and was a fantastic experience, but there's something here that sets it apart. It's hard to say just what, or what makes me want to compare the two. In our experience, both regions outwardly seem to have a similar level of development, both have their share of tourism, and your average Joe citizen seem to share a fairly similar lot in life, but yet there is something special here. Upon reflection, and the benefit of many miles across this planet since we left it, I'd say Central America in hindsight feels like a rip off, whereas South East Asia feels like a bargain...but that's not it either. I think it's the Eastern philosophies that weave themselves through the various cultures here, versus the Christian philosophies that have stamped themselves on Central America. It's a "live in balance with the earth, , find your inner harmony, spread the love" type thing verses the "put the pennies you don't have pennies on the collection plate so the Ungodly rich Vatican can get a new fish hat for the pope or you won't go to heaven; guilt, fear guilt, fear" type thing. It's like Central America can't get round the brainwashing, but then, I suppose, if people could do that they wouldn't be on their knees on Sundays in the first place, they be out improving their lot in life......

Hi Lisa here,
Sorry about that. Most of our blogs are pretty stream of conscious ramblings while we wait for a bus or something, and I can only edit Andy so much, without changing (or deleting) entire paragraphs . So sometimes I just tell him to get off of his soapbox and go grab us some lunch. In this case I'll apologize on his behalf to anyone that may be offended by the above ramblings.
Lisa

.....Hi again. I'm allowed back, sorry. Kumbaya my lord, Kumbaya 3 Hail Mary's, all the rest.

So yeah, Borneo was AWESOME!

We pulled off the altitude trifecta, way up high, way down below, and right on sea level (that's nothing akin to the mile high club in case anyone's wondering). We flew into Kota Kinabalu. When you arrive in "KK" for the first time, it's a dirty little collection of concrete with run down eateries, not much of a waterfront and traffic mayhem. When you arrive in KK on your way back out of Borneo it's the Florence of South East Asia, with terrific food, one hell of a waterfront, and the traffic...so orderly! Perceptions change quickly, such is Borneo! I guess we both came here expecting a pretty wild place, dreams of headhunters, and tribesmen running around wearing nothing but a penis sheath and perhaps a few bones thru the nose. We had ambitions of trekking off somewhere where we could be the first white people someone has ever seen! Did Lee need to get her hair done?..."I'd hate to be the first white person they've ever seen with my hair looking like this, what should I wear?"😊 Ok, she didn't exactly say that, but she was worried about finding her beloved toiletries.

I guess we were half a century or so too late. Although Borneo certainly is undeveloped and very wild in parts, you'll find most everything you need without too much hassle. It also has very sadly been ravaged by logging and suffers from the fact that palm oil is a hot commodity. We had a couple of four hour bus rides where the only thing we drove through were palm oil plantations for as far as the eye could see. Not too long ago that was virgin jungle where some of the world's great species played their part in the great struggle to survive. They're certainly more than a little handicapped now. Hey, I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert in such things, but seeing as I do have my trusty soapbox, who never asks for my qualifications, I should say that something's just not right about it. Of course people have to eat too, but by the looks of things the profits aren't running downhill all that fast. I'd bet there are a few guys with a few really snazzy mansions and I'd guess they're all for it, but the little people would probably do much better with a healthy jungle and the tourism that would benefit their villages and what not. Such is the way of the world I suppose, maybe one day we'll find a balance...Obama will probably do it, he's going to fix everything, right?

I should clarify here. Borneo is actually made up of Brunei, Malaysia and Indonesia, and the Malaysian section is made up of Sarawak and Sabah, two somewhat independent states, although most people we spoke to considered themselves Bornean, not Malaysian. One of those things where someone draws a line on a map forever changing the lives of peoples who never knew the map existed in the first place. Kind of like King Leopold and Africa (go ask the Rwandans how that worked out for them). Anyways, I digress. We spent our time in Sabah, so all this diatribe applies to that Northeastern corner of Greater Borneo. Who knows, down South there could be great multitudes of people running around in penis sheaths and bones through the nose, shrinking heads, wondering what the legends of the white man were all about... I'd best get back to the point or Lee will give me the boot again...too much coffee today.

So our first little adventure was climbing Mount Kinabalu, which, at over 12,000 feet was no small order. It's one of the highest places in the world you can trek up without having to be a technical climber. It's a two or three day affair, we opted for two, which involves a day one climb up to "base camp", followed by a 3am ascent to one of the worlds legendary views as the sun rises over Borneo, the clouds, and you. Were we ready for it, us?...of course not. Nowhere near!!! Luckily, out of the seemingly fifteen hundred or so people crammed into a minibus which dropped us of at the base of the mountain (including one with chicken pox), we found Max from Jakarta and Brian from Sydney, fellow climbers and as quality stock as they come. The four of us formed a group and split a guide, who are mandatory and only really appreciated till they help carry your battered legs halfway down the next day.

The first day climb was tough but manageable. 5 hours up endless steps, big, steep, tall, muddy steps. Rocks, ravines, steps...up ,up up, endlessly up. Up through the clouds for a few hours, up up up, till eventually you climb through the white and look up and can see your destination..."um, that's pretty far away...and high, up, up, up way high." We arrived at Laban Rata (aka -base camp) around 5 in the afternoon, pretty pooped. Had some tea, and we noticed hot tropical Borneo was a little cooler up here at 9000 feet. hmm, bit harder to breathe too. no worries, we have hours to adjust to it, and I brought an extra t-shirt, and worst comes to worst we have ponchos...no cold could penetrate a poncho, it's at least a mm thick, and plastic is all about warmth right? RIGHT? Around 9 pm everyone goes to their bunks for a fruitless attempt at a few hours sleep before the big attempt at summiting (which I may add, is an attempt failed by 80% of attempters). First thing you notice when put your gear on and go down for coffee is that it's cold at 2.30am at base camp. Second thing you noticed as you walk around gathering your group is that you're the only one in shorts and a tee shirt, everyone else is way, way overdressed. Some fools look like they're about to attempt the north pole, not climb a little mountain...rookies! I thought to be on the safe side, I'd wear BOTH my tee shirts and Lee would utilize the layering method of keeping warm (we're smart New Yorkers, we know this stuff-the guy next to me dressed like am Eskimo must be from somewhere in the neighborhood of Nebraska). So there's Lee in her five tank tops, me in my two tee shirts, both with ponchos at the ready, Max and Brian dressed nice and cozy and our guide pointing us out to his friends, half of whom are in hysterics, the other half seemingly concerned. Up we go, flashlights on, pitch black, steep. Up Up UP. Pant pant pant. sweating, it's hard work. These fools in all those clothes, I'm taking one of these tee shirts off. Up Up UP. Ropes!, "use the ropes to pull yourself up" they say, " I thought this was a gentle climb" we say. "Damn, it's getting chilly," I say, "what Lee? Your flashlight went out?." UP UP UP, Pitch black, awesome stars above. "Brrr, it's getting a little windy up here."

To cut a long story short, at about 5.30, about 45 minutes before sunrise, and after 3 hours of hard climbing in very thin air, we reach the top. Not the Top top, but close enough. We're absolutely frozen. Human popsicles!. "Useless F*#king ponchos" Breathing is no longer relegated to the parasympathetic nervous system, it's now part of the thought process. "ok, boys, great job...let's head back down" we say "but were not at the top" says Max, "the top is up there." "please can this be the top Max? PLEASE?" up we get, stammer on. Can't feel our feet, haven't felt our hands in a while, cold wind blowing right thru us. UP UP UP, and finally, and God bless you Max or I'd hate myself right now, we summit Mount Kinabalu.

I'd show you all a picture one day, of the two of us sitting atop Mount Kinabalu, as the sun rises over Borneo. I'd show you if between us we were able to operate a simple push button automatic camera, but our hands were too cold to push a button, let alone unzip the camera bag. I'd show you if we hung around for sunrise, but we bailed twenty minutes early because if we hadn't we'd be frozen up there still. I'd show you if we actually made to the very very very, technical top. We were a few meters shy because the wind at the tippy top was minus 17 million degrees and blowing at category 677 hurricane force. I'd show you if I had one.

Mount Kinabalu is 4095 meters. You climb it to watch the sunrise. We were probably the only people in history to climb 4093 meters of it and leave twenty minutes early. DON'T ever tell us we didn't climb that mountain!!!!

Funny thing about climbing a mountain, is having to climb back down. it's not something you think of till it's way too late and you have to do it. It's living hell! We made it back down to base camp for some tea and warmth, Max and Brian joined us half an hour later after having watched the sun rise (a**holes!) and we collectively sat there wondering how the hell we were going to spend the next four hours getting back to the bottom. Legs were tired, sore, wobbly, ill prepared, and it's a good 6 km, with steep muddy steps to navigate with tired eyes and minds. There's only one way down though....God, it sucked. It was on the way down, I realized I wasn't marrying a woman, I was marrying a tiger, a stubborn, gutsy, driven, tough little tiger. I'm a relatively tall guy, and those step downs where big for me, thighs burning , knees on fire. Lee, who may be filed under "not tall" had to navigate giant leaps to get down. By the third km down she was done, her legs wouldn't step anymore, her knees locked every step down, muscle spasms every other. The four of us men looked at each other with a "we may have a problem here" expression. But on she went, her poor little legs wobbling along, every step an adventure in determination and pain, a little silent grimace on her face with each one. "Do you want to stop a while?" we asked. "No, I just want to finish" she replied. DOWN DOWN DOWN, endlessly DOWN. I don't know how many steps are in 6km, but she stepped every one of them, sometimes arm in arm with our guide (who was 60 and looked like he could still run up Everest), sometimes with one of us, but relentlessly onwards, stumbling, wobbling, aching and downwards...until finally it was over. Hugs and high fives all round, promises to be friends for life, invitations to New York and Sydney and Jakarta, victorious photos and very, very tired legs. Never doing that again!

We went from the mountain straight to the Poring Hot springs for an hour or two soak, hopefully to aid the inevitable hobbling that would nag the near future. Small dilemma. Lee didn't feel appropriate hopping in the hot spring in her bikini next to the local Muslim ladies in the full dresses and head scarves. I didn't see the issue but deferred to her modesty and ordered us a private "hot spring" which was indoors and would probably be called a bathtub back home. It was actually a giant tub with a divider, so we filled one half with piping hot river water and the other with chilly tap water and spent an hour hopping between the two (Lee remembered this from a first aid class in high school). It was just what the doctor ordered and although the legs were sore the next few days I think it could've been worse.

From the hot springs we moved on to Ranau, from where we would catch a bus to Sandakan the next day. That night we received word that Santa had successfully left the North Pole and was due to arrive in our neck of the woods in the very near future, although the new FAA security regulations were expected to slow him down by an hour or two. If all went well we should have plenty of time to get to Sandakan, provided he made stops in the Muslim world, which we weren't all that sure off. Sandakan become Santa-CAN, our mantra, as we willed that old bastard to swing his sleigh our way. After 9 months away from home, a little Xmas joy was in order. And you know what?... as it turns out SANTA-COULD!

We awoke to our little piles of goodies (how Santa always knows what I like is beyond me or the scope of this blog, but sure enough, once again, for the 36th year in a row-he nailed it!) Despite being far from home and missing the families we had a great day, culminating in a great dinner at the Palm Garden Chinese restaurant in the Sandakan Hotel. After being informed in Mandarin and rather enthusiastic hand signals that there was, not only no turkey or ham on the menu, but in fact only one option...the steamboat. The special Christmas steamboat. Basically the steamboat is a buffet of raw fish, shell fish, general farm animals and typical Chinese vegetables and sauces which are selected and brought back to your table where they are placed in the provided pot of boiling broth over a flame. It takes a little practice, it's a very slippery affair and figuring out that a shark fin takes much longer to steam than a cuttlefish is a skill we'll have to hone in china. I think being the two only westerners in an otherwise packed house provided some mirth for the more experienced steamboaters who seemed to enjoy watching shrimp and crab legs flying from my chopsticks to places they didn't belong. The kids seemed to especially enjoy this, and if you can make a kid smile on Christmas by flinging some shell fish, well what's the harm in that? I imagine it must have looked like watching a drunken lobster try eat spaghetti. We had fun.

From Sandakan we headed up the Kinabatangan river to a jungle lodge where we hoped to try our luck spotting some of Borneo's legendary wild life. We stayed at a place called the Nature Lodge Kinabatangan which, as the name suggests, is a very simple lodge in the jungle, nestled up against the chocolate colored Kinabatangan River, Borneo's "corridor of life." We hung out there for five days and it was amazing. Days consisted of a 6am boat ride on the river for a few hours, breakfast, a 3 hour jungle walk, lunch, relax(or kayak up river), a two hour evening boat ride, dinner and then for the brave and still energetic, an hour night walk through the jungle. You don't go for the food, unless you have an unusual penchant for steamed rice and let's call it "fish," you go for the wildlife and jungle experience and we were spoiled for both! You have your basic jungle critters... bugs that inspire science fiction writers, snakes that make your skin crawl, exotic birds like hornbills everywhere, lots and lots of leeches, an abundance of monkeys...and then you have the big three, the reasons you get up at 5am to hop on a boat, inspired by the fact that maybe, just maybe, you might catch a peek of one, making the trek to get there and the mud and the rain and the leeches all worthwhile. The Proboscis monkey, the pygmy elephant and of course the "the wildman of the forest" himself, the Orangutan.

To be honest the Proboscis monkeys are a given, they're pretty common but only found in Borneo. As the name suggests they have rather prominent noses and their mannerisms are so human like it's freaky. Everybody has an uncle that looks or acts just like one (except my nephews of course). They are true acrobats, and watching a troop move through the jungle effortlessly leaping 10 or twenty meters between branches was amazing.

One evening on a boat ride as we were rounding a gentle curve in the river headed back to camp, the guide slams the boat into reverse, points to a spot on the far bank and says the magic word..."elephant."
Sure enough, there he was, hidden in the reeds. He hung out long enough for a few pics and a half hidden look and ventured back into the privacy of the mist and reeds. We were lucky for that little glimpse, as not many get to see Pygmy elephants. They're a pretty rare bunch and everyone was pretty joyous on the ride back home. The guide felt like a hero.

That left the big one, the one we came to see. We were teased by a few orangutan sightings on a few of the boat trips. We had seen three of them on different occasions, but far off in the trees. More a big brown blob against dark green shade than a genuine sighting, but at least we knew they were there.
Then one morning, when everyone was giving up hope, ten minutes from the end of our morning boat trip, sitting in a wild fig tree, ten meters from the river was a huge male Orangutan. We sat there snapping pictures, he sat there popping figs, we watched him, he watched us. It was awesome, certainly a wildlife highlight in my life, I'd say on par to watching a leopard with prey up a tree, or a lioness with cubs or some other rare event that one is privileged to witness if at the right place at the right time. When we got back to camp, the guide took us on foot back to the area and we found him again. He had his fill of figs and moved to the surrounding trees where we followed him around as he ripped of branches and threw them down at us, reminding us who was in charge in the jungle. After a while he grew more comfortable and at one stage there were five of us standing beneath him looking up, as he hung by his feet above us looking down, separated by mere meters and a couple extra frontal lobes. His face wore such an incredibly human expression as he hung there wondering what these fools were staring at. You couldn't help but wonder, if, when he climbs up high and looks out at the encroaching palm tree plantations, he realizes that it might be game over for him and his kind. Surviving billions of years of evolution to be snuffed out for palm oil would leave a bitter taste I'm sure.

…and now for the good part. In a word SIPIDAN. From the jungle we bussed and mini-vanned it to Semporna, a little rinky dinky town on the Celebes sea (not to be confused with celibacy-no one dives willingly into celibacy!). It's from here that you hop over to the island of Mabul, and from Mabul where you take your boat out to that tiny unsuspecting speck of land that lies so innocently above the Eden below. Getting a permit to dive Sipidan is not an easy endeavor, the site is limited to 120 dives per day, and as it's considered one of the top three dives in the world, it can be a pain, but with a little diligence it was done (thanks Lee).

We were allotted our permits to dive on Jan 1, what a way to kick off a year. We had booked three nights at a place called Uncle Chang's, with whom we were also diving , on the island of Mabul, or actually, just off the island of Mabul. Apparently land rights are expensive and sea rights are cheap so everyone builds their houses/dive operations on stilts in the ocean leading to some quite extraordinary neighborhoods. We arrive on the 31st, figuring we'd have a few beers to bring in the new year and then rest up for the big day diving...Uncle Chang had other plans.

First you need to understand that Uncle Chang is a legend in these parts, he's one of those special human beings that has figured out how to live and how to spread that gift to those around him. He's infectious. His place will never win any contests in Good Housekeeping. The rooms are tiny, an honest guy would say they're not all that clean, the ablutions are basic, but the atmosphere is second to none. A bunch of locals, mostly family I'd guess, and a bunch of divers, hanging out on a platform in the Celebes sea. At around 4pm, after diving has been put aside for the day, the band cranks up, cold beers get cracked , the fire gets started to grill the catch of the day, those just back from Sipidan gush stories to those going tomorrow, and as the sun sets over the horizon in a thousand shades of orange, you realize that you in a pretty special time and place.

As we sat there that afternoon debating whether we should have two or maybe three beers to bring in the new year, up pulls Uncle Chang to the jetty in a boat with two giant red coolers filled with fun. Hugs all round for Uncle Chang from the locals, handshakes from all the guests. The MAN has arrived, let's get this party started, up cranks the band. There probably 25 divers and 25 workers/locals, but only Uncle Chang is working tonight! Like an evil/genius Santa delayed a week, Uncle Chang is handing out bottles of rum to anyone who can hold one, fresh beers on the tables every time they run low, all the cigs you can smoke if that's your thing, then Uncle Chang grabs the mike and leads the lot us in a stirring rendition of "We are the World," a theme he takes to heart...and we're off!! What a night! the band rocked, everyone took turns being a rock star, fresh grilled tuna for dinner, hugs and swan dives into the Celebes Sea at midnight, chants of "Uncle Chang-the world" spilling into the night...

So we woke with a little headache but no worse for the wear and headed out to Sipidan. I guess i expected to be disappointed as you often are after so much hype, but everyone on the boat seemed to agree at the end of the day that we were collectively blown away. During August, they say the visibility gets to 40 or 50 meters out there, something I simply can't comprehend, we had between 10-20metres at best and it was stunning, absolutely, completely and truly stunning! Our first dive kicked off with a school of at least a 1000 Giant Barracuda swimming by us, then swirling around and amongst us. There we were, a tiny eddy of humanity in a river of giant barracuda, thousands of big black eyes checking you out on the way by, completely surrounding you in a silver amorphous mass of barracuda, one giant collective organism..and then they're gone, and you're left hanging out in the blue wondering if that just really happened. The quantity of life was astounding, more turtles than you could count, reef sharks wherever you looked, an infinity of fish, incredible corals, a 600metre wall absolutely covered in life on your right, and solid blue on your left, it rocked! I couldn't possibly describe everything we saw and we don't have an underwater camera, and the only way you'll ever know what it's like is to take up diving and go see. Whatever that entails, I guarantee its worth it!

So that's Borneo in a nutshell. The trip back to KK for our flight out was relatively uneventful. We were sold tickets for a bus that wasn't coming and thus crammed into a minivan with 12 people (no chickenpox), which of course got a flat and the driver didn't have a jack, so luckily there were twelve people so we could lift the car till a rock could be strategically placed beneath...pretty standard stuff these days. We spent a day in KK, stumbled onto an Italian dinner we still drool over, and headed out to Singapore where you find us now. We're staying with Peter and Sharla, mates we made at Uncle Chang's, and absolute top shelf people. While on that topic, we'll shoot out a hello to Eric, Eliza and Claire whom we had a blast with and will no doubt see again one day, hope your travels are fantastic, Telluride forever!!!

That's it for now folks, we'll let you know all about Singapore once we've left…so far it's a gastronomic marvel. And on that note, got to run, the Chili crab awaits…

Cheers, stay free

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Photos

Sabah, malaysia
The flags of country and region

Coffee to go
who needs cups when you got plastic bags

How to Poop Western Style
A sign in the bathroom of our KK hotel. We had to come all the way to Borneo to learn how to use the squat toilets, and then we're told not to do it.

Kota Kinabalu
Who's a silly fish?

Mt Kinabalu
Getting ready at the bottom for our nice little "stroll" up the "hill"

Mt Kinabalu
First few km's, this ain't so tough...

Mt Kinabalu
Moving through the clouds and the dipterocarp layer, up into the Alpine layer

Mt Kinabalu
Some of the local flora

Pitcher plant
There were some really funky plants along the way. This one could have gobbled a puppy

Mt Kinabalu
On the climb

Mt Kinabalu
Still smiling...early days yet

Mt Kinabalu
Working up a little sweat

Mt Kinabalu
UP UP UP UP UP, neverending UP

Laban rata
..or basecamp, which sounds a lot tougher, with the rest of the climb in the background

Max and Brian
Even our climbing buddies were cold. what were we thinking with t-shirts and rain ponchos?!?

Mt Kinabalu
The final picture before the hands froze, starting to get really cccccold

Mt Kinabalu
On the way back down after summiting. The sun warmed things up nicely

Mt Kinabalu
Looking down on the clouds

Mt Kinabalu
Begining to wonder how we were going to get down

Mt Kinabalu
looking down on the clouds

Mt. Kinabalu
This is what they call "Donkey Ears"

Kinabalu
the ropes

Finished
In more ways the one, Finally down that F#@king mountain!!!

Mt. Kinabalu
Four very tired climbers, having conquered Mt. Kinabalu...just!

Xmas in Sandakan
There was more than enough xmas spirit around. In fact, you can't escape it..even in Borneo

Steamboat
Getting the hang of it took a while. it seems so simple

Steamboat
Not quite roast turkey but it did the trick

Xmas
My stash. NO COAL!!! Another year beating the system

Xmas
Lee's stash. Don't count and compare, it's the thought that counts

Xmas
Christmas morning with all our goodies in our lavish accomadations

Kinabatangan
Our Luxurious bunks

Kinabatangan
The river in the morning

Lee
Pulling in Lunch, atta girl, bring home the bacon

Kinabatangan
Our lodge on the river. it was right in the thick of it

Kinabatangan
A local toilet

Orangutan
Checking us out from above. It was either too dark or too light for good pics. Double click the pic to whats going on, it's pretty dark

Orangutan
Big male eating wild figs

Orangutan
"hey ladies, check me out!"

Proboscis
The funkiest monkeys in the forest. Check out this guy just chillaxin

Mangrove snake
Watch where you walk. On the nightwalk stick to the back so someone else takes the hit. did I just say that?

Comments

[Lee]

Loved your blogg
Am going to Borneo at the end of this month and found your blogg it was great and so glad you are having such a good time. I know for sure i am not going up Mt Kinabalu now - jackets and all its the legs that will not make it but i am probably twice your age and did Nepal when i was young and crazy like you guys!! so i guess that counts. Happy Travels - Lee

[dad]

unbeleivable!!!
well who would have ever figured that my Lisa who would spend hour after hour in the bathroom just getting her hair right would ever be as adventurous as she is .all i can say is we must have done something right.god bless the two of you.your latest blog was great.

[dad]

unbeleivable!!!!
lisa and andy you didnt tell us that climb was that bad .please be careful and next time bring warmer clothes.andy get off your soap box ,the election is over obama won.only kidding.dont drink too many cups of coffee in the morning.your blog was awesome i told you i smell best seller.just keep mentioning dear old dad so i can get some residuals.we really miss you guys and hope you"ll be home soon.in the meantime have fun.love dad and all.

[Emily]

Amazing!
What a great entry. Almost felt like I was there too!