My, Grandma! What a crap shower you have!

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Han - Hello! Hope everyone's well, just trying to remember what comes next, O.K, Outdoorsy stuff. Now, you may not want to read this if you're alone or it's late & stormy outside, it's scary shit.

It all started when we arrived in the sleepy town of Tanah Rata, a place famed for its fresh local strawberries and, well, just strawberries actually. Our friends chose to stay in 1940s WW2 bunkers with original beds. We booked into a cute little room with attached shower, comfy bed & 1950's decor. The shower was only usable if you lay on the floor (nice mental picture for you there) and had it as cold as possible. It is cold in the Cameron Highlands. Beer was quite expensive & evenings were spent watching movies & playing pool.

Whilst we were at the pool table one afternoon, a young boy approached us & told us we were staying in 'Grandma's' room. He just as swiftly disappeared leaving us wondering what happened to Grandma. Although it is likely she moved to a local nursing home or went on her hols, Neil decided she had died in her bed and tried repetedly to summon her angry spirit by farting loudly and saying "It was Grandma!". Having experienced paranormal activity I was less than impressed & slept with one eye open.

The next day we went on a day trip to see a strawberry farm (rows of strawberries), a tea plantation (lots of tea, stunning scenery, smells of tea), a honey farm (Beehives & bizarre giant plastic bees), a rose garden (Disney themed, obviously) & a butterfly farm. At the butterfly farm there was a creepy crawly petting zoo where you could touch, hold or lick the bug of your choice. I held a scorpion. Neil touched cloth.

A few days later we left Grandma for warmer climates in the Taman Nagara Jungle. The local village is a little dull. There are several floating restaurants all serving the same 4 dishes and absolutely no beer. NO BEER!!! Told you it was scary! It's an entirely Muslim community & therefore dry as a camel's arsehole. An evenings entertainment involved batting away swarms of giant flying ants - millions of them, but even that was only one night.

During the day, a boat trip across the river takes you to the Jungle where you can trek, spot wildlife, slip over, scream a little & brave the canopy walkways. Neil is afraid of heights and impressed all present by crossing all the rope bridges. He did stoop though, so as to not fall over the 5ft barriers. Very wise. We also visited a local tribe where we learned the art of fire making (couln't do it) & blowpipe shooting (couldn't do it) and watched small children playing with Machetes between cigarettes.

Three days of cold turkey was enough for us so we got the local bus to KL. A bus so awesomely crap that it went at 10k ph & struggled with corners a Boeing 747 could have made. Kuala Lumpur is absolutely, wonderfully fannytabulous. But that's another story.....

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Photos

Ooh I say!
The police are still on the hunt for a 5ft sex pest known as 'Donald'

Bad things I have held #24
I was ok til it moved. In fact if Neil had been quicker with the camera you'd have seen me balancing it on my tongue.

It's the taste!
Typhoo that's a lot of tea!

"Stop Wobbling it!"
Indiana Foster strikes again.

Safety first in the Jungle
Ah! Baby's first knife!

The brochure said 'air con'
No Neil, we're not camping!