Boat, Bus, Tuktuk, Elephants… Simple modes of transport in Laos

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The day was overcast and chilly on the boat along the Mekong River. I utilized 2 blankets and snuggled up in a ball and pretty much napped the morning away. We stopped at a cave temple (Pak Ou Caves). Honestly, this was super creepy as there were 1,000’s of Buddha statues starring at you, but I did light some candles and make a wish with incents. Shortly after, our boat arrives at Luang Prabang. We have time to pee before our bike tour starts of the town. As we know, I have no idea how to ride a bike… wait… I determined I have a fear of bikes! I wasn’t the only one! Our tour guide arranged a tuktuk for 4 of us to do the tour of the town. We stopped at Wat Xieng Thong temple which was pretty neat. We then stopped at the ‘whiskey man’. OYE. This was GROSS! It was whiskey that was marinating with dead snakes, scorpions, geckos, etc… I literally gagged at the site of this. Part of the group decided to buy themselves shots. Not 1 single face looked happy after downing the shot… some even spit it up! It was simply disgusting, but funny to watch of course.

The night was free, so 8 of us decided to treat ourselves to a nice dinner! We picked the top rated restaurant. Okay, the food in Laos is not so good. Most of us ordered the traditional pre-fix. Ummmm… spicy sucks! The good news is that there was fantastic wine. I was definitely craving a good glass by this point in time.

Alarms off bright and early! It’s elephant time! I was woken up at 2am by the drunken baboons on my trip. I simply asked them to lower the music and kindly shut the door. The main culprit is a guy is covered in tattoos. He gets pissed off when people look at him. He got a tattoo in Bangkok on the insider of his pointer finger. It says STFU (yes, shut the F up). The boy was practically cursing the Laos people for offering him drugs. Did I mention procession of drugs in Laos (even marijuana) is the death sentence? Also, if you commit adultery, you will spend up to 3 months in prison! Sweet country! Anyhow, if you put art on your body, people are going to look at it as you are a walking art gallery. People will judge you. People will assume you like the bottle and perhaps drugs! Clearly this lost boy gets the art so he can bitch about the negative attention it brings? Someone explain this to me!!! Whoever gets freestyle unplanned tattoos needs to have their head examined.

Anyhow – the elephants! I almost peed myself I was so nervous. I am super scared of heights! Its official – my legs always buckle when I am close to a ledge of any type! Just trying to get on the elephant was a small challenge. I asked the puppy to get closer to me, but the elephant only speaks Laotian. OYE. I spent the first 15 minutes of the ride hanging on to my basket for dear life as I assumed I was going to fall out of it? I am a tart! The elephants are beautiful creatures. I can buy one in Laos for $20,000! I was thinking of making this the biggest present for my niece. I then saw the amount of poop and piss that comes out of these bad boys and thought they definitely belong in the jungle! My buddy Nicole was brave enough to slide down and ride around the neck. All was good until the 2 times the elephant started to charge. The little Lao man grabbed on to Nicole tightly as she had nothing to hold on to (he was sitting next to me)! Check. Thanks Dumbo, but I think I am officially finished with riding elephants. I am happy to feed them and pet them, but that is the extent of my relationship for the remainder of my life!

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