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Published: March 26th 2008
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Well this restaurant deserves a write up all of its own! KAGAYA, owned by Mark Kagaya! Is his name is really Mark? I doubt it! But it's easy for gaijins (foreigners) like me to pronounce!
I think I should start by saying that I had read a few things about this place on the internet. Mainly on other peoples blogs and normally proceeded by a subheading like "weird and wacky places to go" or followed by words like "oh my good god!"
Well I thought, oowww that sounds cool I'll take Dan for his birthday! And I have to say the evening exceed expectations in terms of weirdness, wackiness, randomness and oh my good godness! Did Dan enjoy his birthday dinner? I think so! In an "I will never forget this birthday" kind of way!
So perhaps the best way to describe KAGAYA is to talk you through the evening step by step.
The arrival
Finding the restaurant was pretty easy. Mark Kagaya has uploaded a lovely map onto his website which I printed out and took with me. He has drawn this map himself with his coloured crayons!
The restaurant is in the basement. There
are no windows. This is probably a good thing!
When we arrived Mark showed us to our table. We are the only people here as it is only 6pm. I was actually lucky to get this table as I only booked today and there are only 5 tables in the restaurant! I don
't think he normally accepts 6pm bookings but I was quite insistent that I had to come today! On the phone he told me that we would only be able to stay for an hr and a half because he is already booked. He told me he was very very sorry about this and that he would try his best for us!
Once seated we are given hot towels, (this is normal in Japan and is something that I think restaurants back home should do - a nice hot flannel to wipe your hands with before you start eating) but not by Mark himself! Instead he puts them on top of a big plastic toy robot and launches it across the room at us! Then he crouches down and hides behind this big plastic toy and starts talking to us in a funny voice!
Ordering drinks
Once the big plastic toy is back in the cupboard Mark comes back with what looks like a school note book. Then he proudly announces that it is his menu and opens the corner letting out a gasp! Then he closes it, and opens it again letting out another gasp. This continues for a minute or so (getting louder and faster) until he finally opens the book fully and lets out a big moan! Dans face is quite funny. I hadnĀ”'t exactly told him what kind of place we were coming to, only that he had to play along and join in and that it might be a little "different" (well I didn't want him doing a runner did I).
Mark has written his drinks menu in his coloured crayons! We can't read it as it's written in Japanese characters so he goes through each drink miming them for us! This is really very amusing for me, I can't work out if Dan is more amused or confused and surprised! Mark starts by stroking each imaginary drinks bottle, opening it (with sound effects), pouring it, drinking it and declaring that it is delicious.
Me and Dan
both decide that we would like a beer. We are then asked which style we would like to be served the beer in and given a list of countries! Dan chooses Brazil and I choose France.
Getting our drinks
Mark disappears into his cupboard and reappears a few minutes later with a toy octopus on his head, some big frills on his sleeves and starts shimmying around the room to some vaguely Brazilian sounding music! After he has finished shaking his man boobs and backside in our faces he presents Dan with a big bottle of beer and a big tankard to drink it from!
Then he goes back into his cupboard for 3 minutes and reemerges wearing a beret, carrying an artists easel, and floats around the room to some French music.
Then he proceeds to lick and suck his artist's easel! Very erotically! Cue some nervous laughter from me! After he has finished this odd act he spends a good 4/5minutes drawing a picture of me! Which he then starts smooching before giving to me! Then it's a quick dash over to the kitchen area and he is back with my drink! Voila!
Now this is the part that really cracked me up! When Dan picks up his beer the whole cup starts violently shaking! When he tries to drink his drink it splashes all over his face! I'm a little disappointed that mine doesn't do the same but when I put it down I am pleased to find that the cup burps loudly!
Ordering Food
Now this is even odder than the drinks ordering! Mark produces a glove puppet and tells us that the puppet is him and he is the customer. Once he has confirmed that we fully understand this concept he tells us that there are 4 menus and then acts each one out! Menu number one is (delicious) snacks for people who want to drink. Menu number 2 is (delicious) standard meal. Number 3 appears to be (very delicious) sexy food for sexy lady or getting a sexy lady!?! And menu number 4 is eat and drink as much as you can (delicious of course). Each menu takes a good few minutes to act out, always starting with the customer thud thud thudding down the stairs, announcing what kind of state they are in and what kind of food they want (we are always told its delicious but not what it is!). Then the puppet acts out bringing the food and Mark acts out eating it! We decided to have menu number 3 sexy food! Woo woo
The Food
The food is quite interesting. It isn't exactly what I would call delicious but its quite nice, and there is lots of it. Its pretty much boiled vegetables, rice and some fish. The kitchen is tiny! Only big enough for one person to stand in it! There is a woman in there, quite possibly Marks mum! God only knows what she thinks of his one man show!
As we are eating marks brings out a number of toys for us to play with! My favorite is the one where you have to stick plastic swords into a box, one at a time, and if you are the unlucky one you get squirted with water.
As we are getting close to leaving time the restaurant is filling up and mark is dashing in and out of his cupboard in various outfits and running around the room with his giant plastic robot "making it fly"!
Definitely the strangest thing I have seen in Tokyo since I've been here. If you are ever in the area be sure to give KAGAYA a try for yourself!
http://www1.ocn.ne.jp/~kagayayy/
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