Streaking 30km

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This blog has morphed from "keep up to date with Gen's Japan trip" to "Let Gen tell you some of the most fucked up shit that occurred in Japan".

My next story I mentioned briefly in a previous post. It is again, highly unbelievable, so take from it what you want...but if you trust me, it is entirely non-fiction.



This was my during my first week in Japan. I met two of my cousins in Shimbashi (a huge hub station in Tokyo), and as usual when I meet Japanese people, we decided to go drinking.

We're at my cousin's house, and there is only two cans left. My cousin, D, turns to me and asks, "So...what kind of alcohol do you want?"

Being the biggest idiot in all of Japan, I invariably answer, "vodka"

He comes back with 3 bottles. I have just relinquished my title to the reigning idiot of Japan.

G: "Omae baka?!?!?"
D: "Vodka nondakoto nai"
G: "Oh fuck"

I am slowly taking shots. I advise my two cousins to do the same (the first time I have ever played the worried mother role). D completely ignores my advice and starts downing the bottle in gulps. My other cousin, K, heeds my advice and slowly sips.

D finishes his bottle, turns to us and starts taunting.

D: "Otoko nano ka?"
D: "Hayaku nome!"
D: "Mada kai?"

K, in exasperation, tries to chug, gets halfway there and stops. Or, I pretty much wrestle the bottle away from him, seeing as he is an 18 year old asian with a BMI smaller than mine. However, instead of being extremely grateful that I just saved him from waking up naked in the middle of a park with magic marker all over his face, now I have two high pitched JBoys taunting me with their perfectly manicured eyebrows and extremely fashionable hair and handbags.

D: "Nome!"
K: "Nome!"

I chug my bottle, than the remaining half in K's bottle. We are fucked.



...


I realize I'm walking. Ok. I am still so drunk, I can barely remember my name. I look to the left. I look to the right. I look behind me. In front.

I'm alone.

Ok. Now I have to figure out where the fuck I am. I see train tracks to my left, so I decide to follow them to some semblance of civilization. After ten minutes of walking. I see a train station.

Shinagawa.

Ok, Shinagawa is on the outer edge of Tokyo. It is one train station away from home. Let's walk back. In my drunkness, I don't factor in that its about 30km to my house.

That's when I realize I'm naked.

Or let me reiterate: I have my watch. I have my trusty cap. And I have an undershirt. I am missing my t shirt, pants, boxers, shoes, socks and of course, my dignity. Glancing at my watch, I see its 3am. 2 hours until rush hour and the whole world will see me.

Time to start sprinting.

I follow the train tracks. Running. I have pretty good endurance (just ask the girls), so I push off in a sprint, then realize running is harder when you're dangling, so I start a strong jog. After about an hour, I am panicking. I still haven't hit the Tamagawa, which separates Kawasaki and Shinagawa.

I start sprinting again, pain be damned (its shrunk in from the evening chill by now).

Along the way, I see two people (Japan is a train country, so once the trains stop, the whole country goes in a coma). A drunk salaryman on a bicycle, weaving dangerously from side to side, passed by me around 3:50. He didn't even glance my way as his eyes were barely open. The one other person was someone my age, walking the opposite direction around 4:25. He stopped. Stared, then abruptly turned onto a side street.

I finally break out into the Tamagawa, and across I see the beautiful lights of Kawasaki. 4:45. Completely out of breath, I summon my inner strength and hustle it to Kawasaki, getting to the station at 5:15. The city is beginning to stir, and everyone turns and looks at the weird naked guy (remember, Japan is very close minded). Some take pictures with their cellphones. Others pretend to not see me as I pass, then when my back is turned, openly gape. Everyone whispers.

I get home.

Shit!!

My keys are in my pants, which are not on my legs. My cellphone is in my pants. My wallet is in my pants.

I'm fucked.

(Part 2 will be updated soon-which will mean in about 2 weeks)

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