Thinking negative...but Dreaming

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日本語あり、文のread more をクリック後View Full Entryをクリック！I enter with a disability vocational technical school with the goal of return to society with this body. Then I thought I could independent life under the favorable situation because I become possible to work in front of PC. After that,I got a job becouse I found a compamy that suit conditions near my parent’s house. but I begins to work ,It was hard for my body than I thought. I wanted to quit my work many times. Work without rewarding. My life is only home and work. Livings depend on parents. Life without fun.　 I have feeling inferiority complex to healthy people, even friends. I realize the real society is hard to live for　a person with a disabilities. My horizons are open little by welfare service and support, but I feel the limit. This life is continues, I am depressed. I do not want to it. So I want to do something.

Now I am planning to go finding my fun life in oversea. I could not find it in Japan. I am using wheelchair. I use hands not so well. But I want to find reason for my life. I do not want to give up it. I want to enjoy my life. I want do outdoor sport. I want to meet international community like a climber’s community. I am looking for some school or community. I want to try any kind sport. Maybe, I go in Denmark? Just I know the school.

Always I still compare to my past life.

See I am very negative in Japan. I am sick about it. Ｉhave to change! So…….

障害者職業訓練センターに入学し、社会復帰、自立した生活を目標に、勉強し、実家の近くで条件の合う仕事場を見つけたので就職した。でも、現実は思った以上にしんどかった。実際仕事を始めてみると日々の生活と仕事で一杯いっぱい。とてもそこから、金銭面的に実家からの自立生活や体力的に自分が楽しめる時間は少ししか作ることができない。このまま、こんな感じで時間だけが過ぎていくのかと思うと途方に暮れた。

何かしたい、でも何がしたいのかさえわからない。体が不自由になったからって、楽しむ事を諦めたくない。何でもいいから人生の糧となる楽しい事を見つけたい。

うーん。アウトドアスポーツがやってみたい。だめなら、違う事を探せばいい。でも、どんな事ができるんだろう？　そして、海外のクライマー達の様なコミュニティーを探しその中にいたい。

あー！やっぱり、事故前の自分のライフスタイルとどうしても比べてしまうし、戻れないのは、わかっているのに・・・・

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