There is no path. Paths are made by walking ..

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(heading quote by Antonio Machado)



28^thFebruary 2016







Bodhi Zendo



Parumamalai, Tamil Nadu, India





“When a bird flies, it comes and goes, but there are no traces.

How can you look for stages on the mystic road?”

Zen verse



Awakening is Emptiness Awakening to Emptiness

Zen Master Ama Samy



"...before awakening, I am I, you are you, and the world is the world; in awakening, you are not you, I am not I, the world is not the world. After awakening, you are you, I am I, and the world is the world"

Zen Master Ama Samy





I am in perhaps one of my favorite places (my second visit) in terms of sheer beauty and peace. Picture this: in the middle of a coffee plantation and surrounding jungle in the Nilgiri Mountains of South India; spring time perfect weather; a veritable garden of Eden; private room with comfy bed; magnificent food; very cheap cost of Aust$10 (7 Euros) a day inclusive; an undemanding schedule of less than 3 hours meditation a day (more as you wish) and lots of quiet free time; and surrounded by people who just want to be still and reflective. It's not the easiest place to get into... only small (30 people maximum at any one time) and in great demand. One has to book way ahead or take the chance of a vacancy. Myself, I had to wait some days in nearby Kodaikanal (not too hard a thing to do... also a nice place) to get a room.



The place is eco-friendly, pretty much self sufficient with solar power and hot water and the gardens produce most of the fresh vegetables and fruit (well, bananas are the mainstay). Each morning for 90 minutes I was required to do some easy sweeping and weeding in the inner courtyard which was actually very relaxing. Bodhi Zendo (as do many ashrams and movements in India) has also initiated social health and education programs in the surrounding villages.



In addition, a Zen Master (Ama) is in residence who with his life experiences (Indian, orphaned, Jesuit priest, mendicant/baba for many years searching, and then training under a Japanese Zen Master) has to be (at 80 years of age) one of the most humble non-self assuming beings around (well it kind of fits for a Zen guy who is into 'emptiness', right?).



At the heart of Zen is the concept of 'awakening' with compassion as the outflow. Awakening is a radical transformation or conversion of the self and the world. It is a realisation of the 'true self'.



The 'theme' of my visit here (and this is an individualistic take... it just happens to be what has been front and foremost for me) has been the very Zen idea that 'awakening' is not something to be gained or sought after … it is right here in front of our very noses... that state of being where we are conscious of the world around us to a degree where we become less 'dualistic' and less caught up in our egoistic self. I get a bit lost in all this stuff: what is my true self? Zen would have it that it is a purer 'buddha' state or mind. But I often feel that my truer self is actually my raw base self with all it's flaws... and that this is the self I have to embrace and accept and live with, albeit perhaps to also 'let it go' as far as feeling any guilt or recrimination about; and that maybe I am kidding myself about some 'better' self that I somehow aspire to (and Zen is after all not about any gaining of anything by one's own effort). Confusing all... a maze... In the end does it matter? And my 'lostness' is probably me being caught up in dualism anyway.



But I am restless. I am mindful (a good Zen position to be in after all) of too much mind clutter and angst (not so good, but part of our existential reality to be embraced and let go of ). I am enjoying being here but have these moments of panic about 'what (again) am I doing exactly with my life?' (a good enough question in a Zen frame... with the best answer being: 'just being').



I have had my reminders of my egoistic self too..... there are two guitarists here... and they decided to have a bit of a concert one night on the rooftop and had asked me to also come and play and sing a few songs. But then they just ignored me and played the whole time themselves. I was very 'mindful' then about being left out …. and my pride was hurt.... Ah well.... embrace and let go....



After just a week here I must move on..I have a plane to catch in Kolkata in less than three weeks, people to catch up with along the way (and the 'way' being over 2,000 km away mostly to be ridden by motorbike). Moving on is OK... even a bit exciting … to get back to the 'real' (whatever that means) India again... away from this oasis or what my dearest friend calls being 'cocooned inside a golden cage'. I have at least one new place to experience also (Tiruvannamalai – a major Hindu temple place in Tamil Nadu two days ride from here).



Ama (the Zen Master) seems himself to be having a moment or two. I read a few of his reflections from his many writings with the following content:

“I feel more and more my age these days......At any moment this life of mine will be over.....No more self awareness, no more this particular individual......I feel like crying often, these days. Why are we so stupid, blind, malicious, manipulative, destroying each other and ourselves?.....A God who allows and tolerates ...cruelties and then promises to reward the victims is a monstrous phantom....



For a while I was carried away by the Awakening which is beyond moralities and religions, rules and dogmas...... I had thought that my experience of Awakening to No-Self and Emptiness should lead to liberation and authentic freedom as well as compassionate living. No, I was mistaken.....Our hearts are ambiguous, dark, addictive and destructive. …



God is absent from our world and we humans are given over to each other... Can we invite the other into the open spaces of silence and love?”



Well... even a Zen Master has his bad days I suppose. It all depends on the answer to the last question.





Postscript:

On arriving at the Emperor of China's court, the Emperor asked Bodhidharma: “Who are you?”. Bodhidharma replied: “I don't know”.

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Comments

[Marguerite]

Stunning
I love the tranquility depicted in these photos.................Glad you enjoyed your stay and that you have all those exciting travels ahead of you. Zen hugs!!

[taracloud]

Yep, the path is not easy and if you meet the Buddha on it, kill him.
Congrats on getting into that slice of paradise, but sorry you suffered when there. Pema Chadron (Tibetan Buddhism) says that whenever we meditate in order to get to our "better" selves, we're being violent to ourselves. The key is just accepting ourselves as we are, just as we can then accept others just as they are. Very compassionate. Pretty disillusioning the Zen master's comments, but as you say, we can all have a bad day. And that "What am I doing with my life" is a killer--I too know it. But really to love yourself and others and to stay present, accepting the angst and everything. What else is there, really? Best wishes and I respect your journey. Namaste.

[mahadev]

back at ya
Thanks for these words and your insight Tara... nice and so nice you take the time. One day we are sure to meet.... other than this space. Hope you are traveling well .... I wonder? Still in South America? Sounds like SA is to you what India is to me.... same same but different? x

[D MJ Binkley]

Life is a grand journey
We always find your blogs insightful and passionate. You are on a quest and the journey takes one to so many places. This location seems peaceful to you even though some emotional was stirred. You may sit back and wonder what you were to learn by being invited but not included in the music? You've posed so many good questions in the blog and everyone must seek the answers.... Continue on your path to peace and self-fulfillment. Life is short and must be experienced.