women and men across the ocean...

---

...They now begin to pour out from the boat and up the shore... you either know what im talking about or you dont but nevertheless it bears no relevance, except that I'm really curious, yes I think thats the best word - about how women and men and their interactions are so different here. Yes I know, that's a normal traveller experience but I thought I had travelled enough by now to be curious no longer. But hey ho here I am, this time with my husband, and the whole issue of reactions and interactions is a biggie. For a start, any time men make advances toward me - I barely notice because I'm so used to it from the rest of Asia, but then I've always been by myself or with other women. Now, I'm much more aware because Bob hates it - it makes him want to punch people. Its just rude - it would be okay to handle if the same men made advances to indian women (still not acceptable though!) especially if they were with their husbands. But of course, this just doesnt happen. So why does it happen to us? There are many many answers to that of course and this is partly why Im curious, there's not just one reason, and there's not just one way to avoid such things.
But what is really baffling me, much more so than in any other country I've been to is this obsession that men seem to have with bob. Now this is certainly not aggresive or negative in any way, yet it makes me feel a bit unconfortable sometimes. Even the doctor put his hand inside bobs shirt (presumably for something sensible like temperature checking or something) but then moments later announced what a beautiful man he is, with a wry smile. It makes me feel bizzarely protective even though I know damn well that none of these men is attracted to him, its just an appreciation of his looks and hair, which I of course agree with!
And then today, I went off to buy him some socks - the laundry guy had taken himself to a wedding so we had no clean clothes, and bob has no sandals - I wasnt feeling particularly excited about shopping for men's pants and socks by myself but reasoned that it was probably part of a dutiful woman's life, therefore nothing to be ashamed of. The only shop I knew of was shut though so I had to walk up and down for ages, enduring god knows what kind of comments, but they mainly involved men and laughing and I wasnt in a mood to put a positive spin on the situation. A man I have never seen before announced out of nowhere: "and you are also lucky, your husband is very nice." And you know what? This infuriated me! now what is wrong with me that I have to become infuriated? I didnt do anything of course, I just walked on seething. I know what I was thinking - Yes, and he's lucky too to have me! _ I told bob all of this later and he laughed, which made me laugh - hes getting all the verbal attention, and despite the fact I would rather not get any, I'm getting annoyed by the lack of it in my direction!

It's so confusing in general though. Tonight we walked to the last ghat - I cant believe we havent done this before, it's plainly the most touristy ghat, and I had no idea it even existed! Anyway, after dark, I get a bit scared since our scaresome moment the other night, so I didnt feel comfortable with however we may return. Bob suggested getting a boat though, it's about a half hour walk, or a ten minute boat ride, and when he suggested it it seemed fine. So off he went to organise it, after much deliberation we agreed a price and got on the boat.

But then I started to feel a bit worried when 2 other men got on with us. I worried that we'd bargained too hard a price and now the boatmans' friends were going to hold us at gunpoint and rob us or worse, and no one would see because it was so dark. Would I remember their faces? could I give the police a report if we didnt get thrown in? could i take a photo of them for someone to recover? such is my paranoid mind and I havent even been anywhere near any hash!

But then, a little way out, one man pulled out a chillum (pipe for hash smoking) and they all started getting stoned. Phewweeee I thought, that's why they got on the boat! but nevertheless I was still a bit paranoid and happy to get off the boat at the right place at the right price at the right time.
But why am I so much more a scaredy pants than I am on my own in Indonesia? maybe it's because I have bob to hide behind, or maybe it's just simply that if I was on my own I wouldnt be going anywhere after dark after the scaresome moment, and certainly not on a boat with 3 men. I hope that' s all it is, I cant stand the thought that I may be unnecessarily mistrustful of Indonesian men too, when at 18 I was really totally fine!

It was funny though, bob tried to talk to the guy with the matches, tried to ask him if he'd enjoyed the saraswati festival the other day, asked him if he also through a figure into the ganga (the river) "yes, GOOD ganga!" was the reply but despite the happy nods all round, I dont think we were talking about the same thing.

---