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Published: December 1st 2006
I would like to take a break from the routine to recognize India's road ways, especially the children and adults, locals and foreigners, humans and otherwise, who spend time each and every day throwing caution to the wind by entering the chaotic frenzy found on the streets of every city and town in this massive country. Driving, or even just riding as a passenger in a vehicle ... hell, just trying to walk across the street ... is an experience unique and to itself in India. First, the rules of the road:
Always stay in your lane.
In India, cars are supposed to drive on the left side of the road. Simple and straightforward. Unfortunately, the term "lane," has a different meaning in India. You see, it's not a tangible thing. It's just a theoretical construction (who knows what the paint on the ground is for) and is entirely open to the interpretation of each driver sharing the road. In my experience, the preferred "lane" of each driver is absolute center of the road. It does not matter whether or not the road is one-, two-, or four-lanes wide, always go for the middle. After all, in the middle, you are providing the most shoulder space (not that these roads have shoulders, that's why you drive in the middle!) to the slower moving pedestrians, bicycles (often with two passengers, one riding astride the seat not facing forward), rickshaws, trucks, tractors, guys-carrying-a-cart-full-of-grain, camel carts pulling similar fare, cows (god willing), donkeys, horses, elephants, or this one guy who was pedaling with the world's tallest stack of egg cartons (I really think they were empty, god I hope so) on his bike rack, who are also sharing the road way, which may or may not be paved and has huge potholes in any case. And before I forget, I need to mention another factor, a bit more tangible than the ethereal concept of the "lane," known as the oncoming traffic also striving to drive in the middle of the road.
Unfortunately for every driver who's aiming for just a few seconds of uninterrupted space in the middle of the road, the same congestion mentioned above is concurrently mimicked by those driving in the opposite direction. So the quest for the perfect lane is more like a swerving jig than a pleasure cruise. All drivers must, upon occasion, yield to the aforementioned vehicular milieu who are usually coming at you in a direct head-on fashion. I'm talking about the biggest of buses and the fastest of cars, here. The resulting traffic flow does not necessarily require drivers retreat to their (left) side of the road. Therefore, at times you'll find drivers who actually swerve all the way to the far side of the road to avoid oncoming traffic, depending on the situation. I know what you're thinking, what about medians that divide the road way? Ha! ... don't make me laugh. These are mere guidelines as opposed to rule, suggesting that drivers on the left head in direction A, while drivers on the right head in direction B. An option that is sometimes exercised and sometimes ignored (for the record, people aren't swerving across medians, but you'll find the occasional car swimming upstream like a salmon against the flow of traffic).
See if you can visualize the situation I've just described. Perhaps you'll close your eyes for just a moment and imagine you're a bird soaring above the road and looking down. You should see a mix of vehicles swerving and turning every conceivable direction at all times, trying to get some place. Got the picture? Actually, not quite. Because up until now I've been holding off on mentioning the motorbikes, which definitely outnumber all the cars, trucks and buses combined. See, the motorbike has that advantage of being able to creep through slow-moving traffic congestion irregardless of the speed or direction of the other motorists. So add to your picture another layer of rapidly moving and swerving vehicles who you need to avoid hitting with your car. Of course, at the opposite end of the spectrum from these fast-moving scooters, there's an entire community of immovable objects (or those choosing not to move) which include, cows sitting in the road way, overturned vegetable carts, huge and menacing potholes, overturned semi trucks, sleeping dogs, roundabouts, stoplights (okay you got me; these are optional, too) and lounging horses.
How about lights, you ask. Come on, haven't you caught on, yet? Optional. Everything is optional. Okay, headlights are actually used sometimes to flash a signal at oncoming cars. But motorists will wait until the twi-est of twilight (I think that made sense, it wouldn't be the lightest of twilight after all) before considering to turn on a headlight. Motorbikes will often opt for saving their bulbs, and keeping the lights off, even at night. Needless to say, Indian drivers are uniquely skilled in their abilities, despite the fact that western pedestrian passengers (yours truly included) are sometimes frightened just to walk to the local market.
The next main rule in Indian driving is the speed limit. There is only one speed .... as fast as possible. Of course, similar to "lane theory," this "speed theory," is quite variable and changes by the second. Thanks to traffic, we're often moving slowly (and safely). But the second there's a clearing, no matter how small, pedal to the metal. The beauty of this speed theory - as fast as possible - is that it doesn't matter if you're on a major highway, a small town road. Urban or rural, you know the speed limit: none. The downside of speed theory, is that it's also applicable in the narrow passages of old cities that were built thousands of years before the advent of motor vehicles, whose founders would have never envisioned the speedy twists and turns of motorbike and rickshaw drivers. Who am I kidding, even the bicycle riders come careening around corners at break-neck speed and scare the living daylights out of you. At times, you can be enjoying a pleasant stroll through the ancient city of Varanasi - possibly the oldest living city on earth - which has "roads" that are just wide enough for about three people to walk next to each other. Not to mention, there are seemingly spontaneous right angles in every direction. One can only walk 20-50 meters before a turn is required. Walking, no problem. But you'll often hear the "honk honk" of a speeding bike as it issues a warning before coming full speed around the corner. Again, if there's nothing impeding a driver's way ... then drive as fast as possible. It's a rule.
"Full speed ahead theory" - yes I changed the name, who cares? - has other flaws as well. Here's a an example from real life ... we had a vehicle fast approaching from behind (naturally, signaling us with horn and lights) so our car slowed down, pulled to the left when there was a break, and the vehicle flew right by us on the right, drove another 20 meters, then slowed, and pulled into a driveway in front of us and turned off its motor, thereby forcing us to slam on the brakes a second time (we were just regaining momentum), so as not to rear-end the vehicle that had just sped past us. See, the speed theory is so ingrained in the driving culture, it would never - and I mean NEVER - occur to someone to slow down and WAIT. This is true for all lines, queues, restaurants, and any other situation you can think of where speed theory would fail. It happens regularly in India.
So what's it feel like to be a passenger in one of these cars? It depends on where you are, time of day, etc. One of my favorite (tongue in cheek) rides was in Jodhpur, the old blue city which has similar narrow passages as Varanasi that were not built as roads. However, in Jodhpur, they are just wide enough for an auto rickshaw to fit through, and fortunately, these vehicles have amazing turning radii. Much like a disney ride. In fact, I think the designers of Mr. Toad's wild ride must have come to India for a brainstorming session when they built the first disneyland. I've been on a few wild rides that put disney to shame. Herking, jerking, cornering, speeding up ... only to slam on the brakes as another auto rickshaw pulls up in front of you. Who's backing up? Someone has to! Left, right, forward, fast, slow, stop, fast, turn, slow, fast, corner - WILD DOGS - slow, kick, turn, fast - TWO COWS, one sleeping, one walking. Stop for cows, very slowly. Turn, go fast, quick, children - HONK - stop ... I'm totally lost ... and on, and on. Last night I took a rickshaw through Varanasi at dusk - bad mistake. But again, disney-esque, like when you go into a new room on Mr. Toad (suddenly a door opens in a space that was previously a painting or something) and you plunge into darkness. That was last night. Low light and head-on traffic. Not my favorite combo. As you know the headlights optional. But traffic is unavoidable. It was crazy. I've pledged only to take rickshaws during daylight hours from now on!
Now that we've established the first couple rules of driving in India, let's move on to the last ... horns.
In order for this chaotic procession to occur on the roadways, drivers are invited and encouraged to use their horns as often and as frequently as possible (refer to figure A, above ... can you see that "Horn Please" is painted on this, and many Indian trucks?). Without horns, there would be no way to alert the other motorists of your presence. Surely driving head-on towards another vehicle with lights flashing isn't enough. Better honk that horn.
Horns come in all shapes and sizes. Well, I have no idea if that's true, but they definitely come in all sounds. Some are quite standard, while others feature volume enhancements (everybody's favorite, especially when echoing in a more narrow road with tall buildings) while others offer sweet melodies that serenade the longer a driver presses on the button immersed in the steering wheel. When I first arrived in India, I quite enjoyed the varied pitches, timbres and tones of the different horns. A month into my journey, it's all just a cacophony of sound that never quiets. Of course, the horn rule also applies to bicycles as well as motorists, only it's a bell. So go back to that mental picture we painted a few minutes ago ... the dodge-em of cars, trucks, buses, livestock, bicycles, rickshaws, motorcycles and scooters, and add to it a level of noise that is unmatched in any busy city in the United States.
Indian drivers are as adeptly skilled at master horn-blowing techniques as they are at swervedriving. Even the slightest hint of another object on the road will incite a horn blast so quickly that if Indian drivers were able to square off in duels with the fastest gunslingers from the historic American west, our cowboys wouldn't stand a chance. Just as there are varieties of horns, there are varieties of horn blasts. Some drivers prefer a series of short bursts, repeating and repeating and repeating, just to make sure you know they are coming. It doesn't matter if you're signaling with lights or sounding your horn back, you stick with your own style. There's the medium length ... meeeeeeeeeeep often followed by at least one other obligatory meeeeeeeeep. Others prefer the long, extended blast of holding hand on horn until the situation is entirely overwith. The tekiah-gedolah of horn blasts, if you will. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGH.
Perhaps the horn that incites the most laughter (from me) is when I'm walking alone on a road in either early morning or late evening, when the traffic has actually subsided. Down the way, a car turns, heads in my direction. Once it's within 50 yards beep beep ..... beep beep. Again, THERE'S NO ONE ELSE ON THE ROAD, neither pedestrian nor motor vehicle, and I'm off to the side while the car is headed in the other direction on the far side of the road. Still ... honking (this has happened at least four times). It's as though there is a special connection of nerve synapses between an Indian driver's brain and their horn thumb, creating a lightning fast reflex of the horn. As soon as they see anything ... literally anything in the road, other than pavement of course, a honk will ensue.
One time my driver honked at road kill. That's no joke. We were out in the desert after my camel safari (refer to the last blog) returning to the town of Jaisalmer. Apros pos, the desert highway was ... deserted, except for our own jeep and the carcass of a dog that had been killed. It lay in the street, lifeless and bloodied. The driver still honked. My only guess is that the driver was so devout a hindu, a man of such faith, that he was worried we might be approaching the body at the precise moment in which the dog's soul was vacating its body to be reincarnated in another form. Naturally, the situation necessitated a honk to warn the departing spirit to get the hell out of our way. For those of you who have not visited India, I'm sure you think I'm exaggerating. For those who've been here, you know I've barely scratched the surface.
That's enough for now. If/when I get the opportunity, I might find some more pictures and videos for this entry. For now, you might refer back to the Golden Triangle to watch the elephant video clip at the top of the page. And one last order of business, this post is dedicated to my friend Dave R. down in Mexico, who, despite years of exposure to both Jewish and Mormon cultures throughout his life (in this lifetime), clearly possesses the reincarnated soul that lived its past life as a bus driver in India. There's really no other explanation for a westerner to exhibit his skills with the honk-and-swerve technique.
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Dave Roos
non-member comment
The Motherland
I don't know what you're complaining about. The honk and swerve has been serving dangerously aggressive drivers like myself (and my spiritual kinsmen) for centuries. It is truly an art. And if a few tourists in rickshaws have to lose a limb in the process, at least we're making good time. Have a great time and keep the updates coming! dave