Blessings

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I have always been terrible at saying goodbye. I envy the people who know just what to say, and just when people will neither be too happy nor too sad to see you go. My special breed of social anxiety has always led me to err on the side of caution and bow out too early (don't want to overstay my welcome) and wordlessly (don't want to bother everyone or steal attention).

But there is no hiding this time. It helps in some ways to have a set time of departure, so everyone can be prepared for it. On the other hand, though, I often get this sense from the students that I am abandoning them. I feel that some are already beginning the process of pushing me away. (They've been through this many times before, after all.) In light of that, the week has been filled with one goodbye after another, with events and moments that I wish I could either keep or change. I keep thinking, "I don't want my last interaction with this child to be me disciplining them," or, "Why can't I hold onto this moment a little longer? It's so perfect..."

I think it really started for me with the German Party. We had to prepare four songs for this Christmas Party thrown by a group of German companies in Bangalore--SB sends its choir every year as a thank you to these companies, which are some of its biggest funders. There were a lot of stressful factors, and a lot of instances where students didn't come when asked, and so preparations got tense. But then there were also these beautiful moments, like when Prathibha (who wasn't even going) asked me, "Miss Lynn, why aren't you wearing a fancy dress?" When I replied, "This is all I have," she arranged with Vinceya for me to go to the girls' dorm and try on some of their outfits. I ended up in this traditional sparkly pink outfit, and all in all it fit pretty well, if it was a bit long.

And then there was the stress of preparations for Sports Day and Christmas (celebrated on December 12 and 13 at SB, respectively). My students, being the eldest, were given many many many responsibilities for these events, so trying to have class with them this past week has been a little bit like herding cats. And to top it all off, I decided to have a project presentation day on the last day of classes, and (as is only natural) most of them did not do their project work in advance, so they had to scramble around these other events.

For any of you who did Track and Field Day in elementary school, that is basically what Sports Day boils down to, except you should probably add a cupful of Olympics to the recipe. The students are separated into four teams (yellow, red, purple, and green), and spend days practicing their marching and preparing for soccer, basketball, and long-jump competitions. At the beginning of the ceremony proper, there's a marching event, as well as a lighting of a torch and raising of the four flags. There was a small platform where all of the volunteers and Miss Beena sat to watch the events. From that vantage, we had a perfect view of the track where the youngest did relays. I think my favorite relay was one where the preschoolers had to run to a plate, eat a biscuit, and run to the finish line. There was one particular preschooler who didn't quite grasp the idea of a relay and laconically nibbled on her biscuit long after the rest of the students had finished. My second favorite was the twelfth graders jumping up to try to catch rolls strung on a rope above them (they could only catch it with their teeth, creating this hilarious fish-like effect). But eventually we the teachers were roused from our seats to compete as well. I was part of the yellow team, and the teacher/staff competitions included two games. In the first, we were each given an animal name and released to find our partner of the same name, but only using animal noises and actions. I ended up being quite the forlorn cow, because my partner gave up early and so I was left alone in the middle of the field mooing. The kids enjoyed it, in any case. The second event was shaving balloons, and the yellow team immediately selected Peter to represent us (as a male, he has far more experience, right?), but we came in last anyway. All in all, it was a fun day, though. The red team ended up winning both the marching and overall titles.

Personally, though, Christmas was a struggle because the main event was a concert. I decided early on in the week that the choir would be fine singing through a couple of carols without much rehearsal (...more on that in a moment), so I focussed in on my individual and group voice lessons. There were many last-minute rehearsals, many concessions made from all parties, but also many smiles during this crunch time. One group in particular, a quartet of ninth-grade girls, was a pleasure to work with because they loved their song so much. I can't blame them, as it was "At the Beginning" from Anastasia, and I have very fond memories of that song from my childhood. I was also very excited to see how Cathy did, as she was singing a solo: "Listen" from Dreamgirls. She has this naturally rich-'n-husky voice, and we worked really hard to release it. I remember one particular rehearsal this week when I had tried telling her in various ways that she needed to relax her throat and sing from her diaphragm, and nothing seemed to help. Then, suddenly, we did an exercise and she looked at me with these wonderfully bewildered eyes and said, "That time I could feel it, right here," and she pointed to her stomach. "Is that right?"

Except for lighting issues (which are almost a given at SB--our limited electricity leads to a lot of back-up plans), the concert went over quite well. I was so proud of my individual students, and even though the full choir hadn't had much time to practice their carols with me (I was more focussed on German Party the week previous), they did well. Then, at the end, four preschoolers came onstage with packages labled, "Mr. Peter," "Miss Ally," "Mr. Sachin," and "Miss Lynn." She had been alluding to a surprise for the past week, but I had no clue what to expect. So we each went to our respective child and opened our packages. At first, I had no idea what was going on, as it was a CD case taped to a box. Then, upon closer inspection, I discovered that it said, "A Shanti Bhavan Christmas" on the cover, and Lizzy started playing a recording of children singing Christmas carols. Apparently, for the last two weeks, the choir had been secretly recording themselves singing carols (no wonder they did so well)! The box contained a frame with a picture of two of the preschoolers. I hope the kids could see my melted heart seeping onto the floor.

After the concert, we had a fine dinner of fries and mac and cheese, which is quite the treat! But before we could eat, the eleventh graders had planned a dance-off, and my name was drawn with Tom, Lizzy's father who was visiting. We actually ended up winning third place, and I think we shocked quite a few folks with our dance...commitment. Our prize was a Fozzy the Bear book, so we donated it to the school.

With those events finished, these last couple of days have been a bit heartwrenching. Last night, I stayed up "late" with the eleventh and twelfth graders in the school building. Gayathri was doing some special mehndi for me, which took many hours but turned out beautifully, and Lizzy was playing mafia with the others. It was good to finally spend some time outside of class and choir with them. I wish that had been a possibility earlier. Another SB tradition (aside from last-night mehndi) for those departing is to sign students' autograph books. I managed to do this last week for the eleventh and twelfth graders, but it is likely that more will trickle to me during my last hours here. I have also left a poem for my two English classes, based off of "A Prayer for My Daughter" by Yeats (one of the pieces they have studied). I am hoping they won't find it until after I've left, because I don't really want to talk about the sentiments I expressed in it. On the flip side, I gave my students a "Happy Book" to sign for me. Some readers here may be familiar with the concept, but for those of you who aren't: A Happy Book is a notebook where each person gets a page upon which they write or draw a list of things that make them happy. It's a wonderful way to remember others, and it can brighten a sad day simply by reading a page or two.

This morning at assembly, the four of us who are leaving (Ally, Peter, Lizzy, and I) were all given fine speeches and cards. Cathy spoke about me, and although the other teachers had three or more students speaking about them, I felt like the most honored teacher in the world. She talked about how I encouraged her to sing from her heart and not be afraid of mistakes in voice lessons, and how I encouraged the English classes to speak their minds (and, more humorously, how I always kept the students on track, even when they tried to distract me). The personal way in which she spoke let me know that I have made an impact, even if it was just a small one upon her.

I feel so blessed. These students mean the world to me, and although I'm heading home, I have every intention of circling the globe again. They're family, after all.

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Photos

Enjoying the German Party
Clockwise from back: Nickhil, Catherine, Kishori, and Vinceya.

Part of the German Party Crew
Clockwise from me: Nickhil, Ruby Joy, SP, Kishori, Shrimathi, Shree, Vinceya, Prem.