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Published: January 30th 2006
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Jantar Mantar
Man scales world's largest timepiece OK, another quick update as I tick another country off the list. India, and specifically Delhi, land of the scam. Before I start, many thanks for all your comments - please keep them coming. It’s great to hear from old and new friends.
I arrived tired and somewhat irritable in Delhi after a very long wait in Kathmandu airport, which involved three body searches (none of them internal, thankfully). I prepared for the swift 2 night layover by writing 'PATSY' on my forehead in Hindi and English, and heading straight for the nearest tout. He showed me pictures of accommodation that would have befitted a Mogul Emperor, and hurriedly shoved various chits into my desiccated hands for instant signature. Now the kind people at Indian Airlines had been plying me with lots of beer for the short hop from Nepal (I think they were going off shift, and they had loads spare due to the lack of passengers caused by the general chaos in Nepal). This, coupled with my misplaced faith in human nature, led me to believe the promises of eider down bedspreads and golden bathtubs filled with ass milk. The latter turned out to be true, of sorts
- I'll let your imaginations fill in the blanks. Needless to say: no hot water, bugs, strange stains on the walls, and hugely noisy. Oh, and not very well located.
Deciding to make use of the amenities for my evening repast, I called for the establishment’s finest dish: supernoodles. The man from the kitchen (around five years my junior) who delivered the food caught me in my T-shirt and boxer shorts. He looked me up and down and said in one of the deepest voices I have ever heard, 'you are a handsome boy.' The conversation continued along similar lines with him occasionally eyeing my crown jewels while murmuring things like 'you like cricket, handsome boy?' I'm not sure if this is some strange Delhi euphemism - something about knocking over a sticky middle stump. In any case, after he had left the room, no doubt to make use of the cold showers, I bolted the door and huddled under the retched, fragrant bedspread.
One full day's sightseeing in Delhi. Quite fun this - I took in the Red Fort, India Gate, Connaught Place, and Jantar Mantar (a kind of huge watch built 3 hundred years ago -
not nearly as portable as my TAG, but with better graffiti). Nice to see both Old and New Delhi, but a pain in the arse to be hassled so consistently, and misled at every opportunity by people trying to entice me into dodgy travel agents for a commission:
'I want to go the Red Fort.'
'The Red Fort is closed on Mondays.'
'But it's Friday…' etc, etc
Luckily, the tuk-tuk drivers were rather less aggressive, and ferried me from one squalid location to another. I battled off street vendors with ever increasing vigor before deciding that the best tactic was to look baffled whenever approached and point to any nearby Scandinavians and stutter the words 't-t-there is my group' before sprinting in the opposite direction.
It's interesting to be travelling independently now. 24 hours in Delhi is probably not the best way to pick up long term travelling companions, but I'm getting used to finding my way around.
Final thoughts on Delhi:
My friend Chris divides the world into two halves: situations, places and people that 'put the edge on' and those that 'take the edge off'. A difficult one to explain, this. In essence,
Accommodation highlight
The stain on my hotel room wall the former quickens the blood and makes you more alert, and the latter relaxes you and dulls the senses. There is no religious angle to this - it is a world view he has developed in the casinos of Las Vegas (eg playing craps at 4am with your last dollars while blind drunk has the tendency to put the edge on; absent-mindedly strumming the slots at 11am while drinking hot chocolate can take the edge off). The same can be applied to alcohol: tequila puts the edge on, but a slow glass of beer on a hangover can take the edge off. It's and interesting metaphor, and one which I will now apply to the fair city of Delhi. Delhi puts the edge on.
I might come back to India and have a look around some nicer places, but in the short term the rest of the world beckons.
Ta ta for now.
Ian
PS - will upload more pictures in due course.
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Alex Davies
non-member comment
suspicious
Ian - are you sure the episode with the man from the kitchen didn't end with both of you clasping hands then performing a highly choreographed Bollywood dance routine involving a hundred-strong chorus?