Kochi

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Having had our fill of the dryness of Hampi and Mysore we decided to get back on it and head down to Kerala. Cue ten hours on a horrendous night coach. Fearing the worst after the last few journeys i decided to err on the side of caution and double drop xanax before getting on the bus. In theory this was a great idea but either i misheard the time it would take to get there or the driver drove like a nutter to get us there early but i was still in full sleep mode when i literally fell off the bus at 6am. Incapable of hardly walking i let Catheirne take charge for once whilst i drooled in a corner accompanied by a rat the size of a small cat. Not pretty at all but we manged the get ourselves to a hotel , this time one being a homestay. this is where the family lives upstairs and they rent out rooms to travellers on the ground floor. Looking back at the moment we arrived, little did the owner know what trouble we were about to cause. Desperate for some nightlife after overdosing in culture, we mistakenly thought that Kochi woould be rocking come sundown. What a massive mistake. There is absolutely nothing to do there apart from eat seafood, and after seeing masses of crabs tied up and crammed in a bucket still alive, i wasnt keen on even doing that. It was then the realisation crept up on us that we were in another dry town in a dry state where is it impossible to get much in the way of alcohol. Due to Keralas antiquated licensing laws, alcohol cannot be consumed in many restaurants. Our radar fully on high alert, we found a place that served beer but it came in a teapot with a mug so if the police swing by it looks like everyone is drinking tea. This is tedious in the extreme, especially when the beer tastes like piss and is probably watered down to within an inch of its life. After seeing all the major sights, none of which i can recollect, we met up with Cliff again who had just arrived from mysore and proceeded to get as twatted as you can get in a dry town. WE were supposed to head to teh beach the next day but a helpful traveller informed us that if there was even a sniff of a bikini on the beach the locals all hid in the bushes and tugged themselves off. Not wanting to be fluffers for indian mens repressed sex lives we decided that a bit of flashpacking was in order and paid the local hotel to lounge by the pool. A lovely day was had by all chilling out and topping up our tans and i think we almost cnvinced urselves we were civilised human beings. Fast forward ten hours and we were having a retro youth moment sitting on a park bench munching xanax and drinking cheap rum. Cliff having been an officer in the army decided to scale the childrens climbing frame, I gashed my foot open on a speed bump and catherine decided it was all a bit much and went home. Our landlord was already pissed off with us for coming in at 12 the night before as they like us to be in by 11. Even in a dry town this is going to be highly unlikely but Catherine phoned and warned me that it being 2am and us promising faithfully that we would definitely be in by 11, they were not best pleased again. Not being particularly receptive to the kind of rules given to a teenager, when i was trying to get in the fuckers pretended they couldnt hear the bell and Cliff had to let me stay in his room for the night. Having not done a walk of shame since Palolem, i dragged my weary arse home safe in the knowledge that i had provided merriment for a few, and gossip for more than a few for the next few days. Thats the problem with indian towns. You think you are having a quiet drink in the park but there is about 100 people watching you from the shadows. The next day we tried to have a civilised one by going to watch traditional keralan theatre Kathakali which is basically one scene froma play, with no talking, stretched out for hours. WAtching a guy twitch for an hour on stage whilst dressed as a woman not being our cups of tea, we did a runner half way through and repeated all of the above. The next day we had t leave Kochi which i just as well as i think our landlords parting words said it all. " Couples come and stay here and are fine, boys stay and are fine but the girls, they are always trouble" Hey ho, i feel i squeezed every drop of life out of Kochi and have no regrets! Onwards and upwards!

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