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Published: March 18th 2006
Should I stay or should i go?
When I started with Jayakumar I decided to give myself a two week trial period based on the fact that i wasn't sure how I would cope with being his only student.
Well it's saturday and i've just finished my pratice which means my two weeks are up. I feel a little like i'm playing tug a war with myself, but ultimately that means that part of me doesn't want to leave and study with someone else. I mean Jayakumar's got his quirks but doesn't everyone? And being his only foreign student does have it's advantages, the world in the shala revolves completely around me, even in the classes i've got with the locals. And he tells these stories that are completely out there, to me in theory class, but ultimately i do get the point, and since they're just so strange i'm never going to forget them. So I'm staying on with him, and if things really don't go well, Barat's teacher traing starts in april, but somehow part of me feels that I don't need to take that option.
Is my practice progressing? Well honestly it's only been two weeks, which for some may be enough, but I didn't keep my practice up at all for the past three months. If I had come into this in top shape, as per original plan I'm sure things would be different, but two months of backpacking, hostel beds and sleeper buses really don't do wonders for your practice. This is not to say that i haven't progressed at all, on tuesday i did my first handstand ever! I didn't do it alone and I was against a wall but that's really not the point. The point is that I've always had a debiliating fear of handstands and no one in the past no matter how much help they've offered to give me has even been able to convince me to try. Jayakumar just sort of walked me up to the wall, and all of a sudden i was up, and stayed there for about a minute, without panicking that i was going to fall on my head. I've tried to do it in my self practice since and well, no such luck, i'm still terrified of getting up, but I now know that yes i do have the strenght to hold this.
Then yesterday doing Ardha Matsyendrasana on my left side I got the bind! It just sort of happened, no forcing, it was just there all of a sudden. The left side didn't come at the time, but then this morning during my self practice (saturday mornings i go to the shala and do a self practice, or go to class) I got it. Not without some wiggling and waggling, but all on my own and without going past my boundries.
We spend mad amounts of time on my hips and lower back, but so far they're a no go with any noticable improvement. But you know my hips face eachother and i was a competitive swimmer for 10 years and then played rugby for 2 so i'm not expecting any miracles. I've got a lifetime of tightness and damage to undue and it's not going to be quick, but Jayakumar and I work on it everday, and yes sometimes it makes me want to break down and cry and shout "why can't we do something i'm good at" but most of the time I realise that I just have to keep chisling away at it.
My chanting is getting much better as well, there are still some words like parairasamargah that's i'm having trouble with, I don't know why but my mouth just doesn't want to do the paraira sound, silly mouth. I'm having a great time with the sutras though, I've never been a particularly religious (well not at all) or spiritual person (a little bit) but Patanjali's yoga sutras just click with me, I just wish the words were shorter, but can't win them all i guess.
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Andrea Magee
non-member comment
Poppins Chants
I don't know how I'd ever get around a word like parairasamargah but if you have some time in self practice you should try some good old fashioned kids words like Supercalafragalisticishpialidoshious. Chant that 10 times fast while twisted like a pretzel! Think pretzel and remember: I bend like that. Take care hun