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Published: March 2nd 2011
Hiya folks!
Sorry for the delay. Things have been kind of hectic with sightseeing, Vipassana courses, tabla lessons, and all. So I'm just now getting around to the first official travel blog post - yes, two months into the trip. In this post, I will cover my Vipassana course (February 16-27) in Bodh Gaya. There will then be a bit of backtracking as the next post will cover the month of January I spent in South India. I just wanted to talk about the Vipassana first.......while it's fresh in my mind (I wasn't allowed to write anything down during the retreat). And the post after that will likely explore Kolkata and the tabla.
So here are some pics for you:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/8870546@N03/sets/72157626179020876/
Also, y'all are gonna have to show me some love (or hate or something) if you want me to continue to send out these incoherent dispatches. Fifty views and nary a comment on my last post. This blog is intended to be a forum, people - you think I'm doing this for my health?
Alright, so, Vipassana. I'd like to explain a little bit about how I arrived here. As many of you know, about three years ago I went through an illness related to my lungs. The presumptive diagnosis was that I had some sort of an auto-immune disorder. It was a difficult time and I realized afterward that I wanted to change some things - namely how I personally approached things. Anxiety and self-confidence have probably been some of the biggest issues for me. I wasn't sure how connected these were with my illness but I guessed that they might have had something to do with it (or at least with how not-so-effectively I dealt with it). I also wasn't all that happy with the (expensive) treatment I received from "western" doctors. In many ways, dealing with them stressed me out even more as they weren't all that supportive and didn't seem really interested in treating me as individual.
All this inspired me to seek out alternatives. I started doing yoga and taking acupuncture treatments. I was also curious about meditation - particularly Vipassana Meditation:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vipassana
I'd talked to several people that had described great experiences with Vipassana - either having physical ailments/pains go away or just enjoying the cognitive/mental benefits it bestowed upon them. As many of you know, I took an around-the-world trip in 2009 (you can read more about it in this blog) - I went on the trip for many reasons but tops among them were relaxing, starting a healing process, trying not to worry about not being in a relationship (though even this is difficult when everyone's asking you "So when are you gonna get married?"), learning more about the world and its people, and enjoying the moment - all inter-related pursuits. I've had uncertainty in my life to be sure but I don't think I was necessarily interested in trying to "find myself" - I have a fairly good idea of what I'd like to be doing, what I'm about, etc. It's more about finding the confidence, calm, and equanimity to do it. Part of the reason I have traveled is to seek out tools that allow me to cultivate these qualities.
By the way, in Europe and the United States, do we do by doing? Would a Buddhist or Taoist philosopher argue that we should do by not doing? Are we more results-oriented in the United States and Europe? Are Asian countries like India and China more process-oriented? How is capitalism changing ancient traditions in India and China? Are they becoming more results-oriented too?
I've been attracted to Buddhist and Taoist philosophy for awhile now. I'm not necessarily a religious person but the simplicity and elegance of each have resonated with me. Once a friend told me that he didn't like Buddhism because it didn't seem to allow one to have aspirations. I suppose Buddha's teachings could be interpreted this way but how many people out there base their happiness on achieving certain things? Is all the stress, prescription drug use, misery, counseling, etc. really worth it? Is there another way? Aspirations or not, are we as humans going to do stuff regardless? If we stop basing our happiness on aspiring to do certain things, might we do even more and/or even better things?
I, for one, was up for trying more of a "back door" approach. Can one be more healthy by not being afraid of ill health? Is it only possible to attain Nirvana by not craving it? I don't mean to imply that I'll stop going to the doctor but I felt that my "do by doing" approach needed to be enhanced - hence yoga, acupuncture, and now Vipassana. Here's where I did my retreat (no fees - all donation based):
http://www.dhamma.org/en/schedules/schbodhi.shtml
I'd encourage you to read the article on Vipassana but for those who don't have time, I'll provide a very pedestrian summary (please correct me if I get the particulars wrong). Vipassana is the ancient tradition of meditation created by Siddhartha Gautama, better known as the Buddha. The reasoning behind Vipassana goes that all of our cravings and aversions enter our body through our senses as sensations. These cravings and aversions then manifest themselves in our bodies as sankharas (pains):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sankhara
By the way, is it possible that even if we have not directly experienced certain cravings and aversions, that our ancestors did and that the sankharas were incorporated into our genetic code? Did evolution favor the creation of aversions and cravings - how are these serving us now?
In Vipassana, one observes sensations in the body - first respiration and then the various sensations that one has throughout the body. Sankharas (cravings and aversions) are slowly eradicated from the body as one's observes them objectively - sensitivity to the sankharas increases with practice. The key thing in Vipassana is that one remain aware and equanimous - not interpreting, judging, etc. One should not crave pleasant sensations or be averse to unpleasant ones (this means not scratching itches and not changing position because of pain, etc.). The key is to realize that all sensations are impermanent and accept them, again, objectively and equanimously. I should also mention that you should sit Indian-style (or half or full lotus - chairs are allowed for those who can't sit on a cushion on the floor) and that your eyes are to remain closed. And any thoughts or emotions that pop up are to observed objectively - when they go away, you return to sensation.
I did a three-day yoga and Vipassana Meditation retreat about a year and half ago and have been wanting to do a ten-day since then. About a week after I arrived in Kolkata, I met Jaysi, a tabla-player, dancer, Vipassana veteran, and physician from the Bay Area, at a Saraswati Puja event. She mentioned that she was going to a Vipassana retreat in Bodh Gaya and asked me if I wanted to come along.
There was a bit of a mix-up about my application but in the end I got the last spot for the course. As for the course itself, you sit and meditate about ten hours each day with breaks for breakfast, lunch, and tea (food was quite tasty). And you have to abide by some precepts like no talking (noble silence), no physical contact or sex, separation of the sexes, no intoxicants, no lying, no stealing, no killing, no talismans, etc. We got up at 4am and went to sleep shortly after 9pm. I generally tried to take at least one nap a day - I found meditation to be hard work - both physically and mentally.
There were approximately 100 people in our class and 80-90%!o(MISSING)f them were Indian. This ensured that there was a veritable cavalcade of racket during the sessions - coughing, sneezing, burping, farting, etc. from men and women alike
The first few days we concentrated on breathing. Days 3 and 4 were about focusing on the sensations around our noses. Day 5 was when we actually started Vipassana - scanning the entire body for sensations. It also happened to be the bend or break moment. There were two foreigners on either side of me - one left on Day 4 and the other on Day 5. This was also the day when three different women had to be escorted out of the hall after bursting into tears. Without fail, one burping man acted like a bit of Greek chorus after each outburst - "So that happened, bleacckkkkkhhhh!!!!"
I was certainly having problems too - pain in my back and legs as I tried to get my pose right, strange dreams, dealing with one's self/thoughts, weird hallucinations, terrible itching (most of this stopped after the 5th day). There were several moments in those first five days when I almost left too. Watching all these people bailing steeled my resolve though and by Day 6, I was determined to see it out.
You're like "horrible pain, terrible itching, freaky dreams, tormenting thoughts, hysterical women, burping and farting men.....where do I sign up?" I thought the second half of the course was much easier and if you leave before the 5th day, you miss all the fireworks. I still had some pain from sitting Indian-style but it dissipated to the point where I can now sit for over an hour without pain.
Yes, it can be boring and difficult to be alone with your thoughts, emotions, etc. I don't think that most of you would be into it. It's hard for me to say definitively which of my friends would be the most least into it (if that makes sense) but I think that Jonathan and Chris P. would be numbers one and two - Chris, your interest in yoga may have bumped you down to the number two spot.
So back to the course, I'd had this dull pain in my left upper chest for about nine months. I had no idea what was causing it but on Day 7, I could feel the pain get more intense as I observed it........then I could feel the pain streaming out of my body as it was replaced by a cool sensation. I know, I know, I sound like that roommate you had when you first moved to San Francisco but I'm just describing what I felt. It kind of blew my mind. I don't think it was any divine force - probably nothing more than the mind-body continuum/connection. I suppose you can understand this intuitively but doesn't one have to experience it directly to understand that perhaps it's even more than a connection - that the mind and body are perhaps one and the same? Is it possible that the mind may trick you and that the body doesn't lie?
Of course I had other pains that popped up and went away......mostly on the left side of my torso (I think this is fairly common - people having a specific area(s) of the body being affected by pain). And on the tenth day, I got what most people refer to as "flow" - this is where your physical body seems to disappear and it feels like you are just vibrating on one continuous wavelength - it was a pretty kushy feeling and it got more intense if I just observed it (i.e. - didn't crave it). Both of these breakthroughs happened almost immediately after I was having one of my many existential crises. I used Buddha as inspiration - he told himself that he was not going to leave the bodhi tree in Bodh Gaya until he attained enlightenment. Day 10 was also metta "good vibes" day - this is where you send out the message "May all beings be healthy and happy and free of their defilements."
And we broke silence on Day 10. I enjoyed the not talking part - it's a lot easier than you think. And I thought it was really cool to observe people's personalities without talking getting in the way. My roommate was a very nice man from Bihar named Nand Kishor. On two different occasions, he waited patiently for me to unlock our door and was almost always the last person to come to get food. He broke silence only once - to tell me that the teacher was in the Dhamma Hall if I had a question for him (he'd overheard me asking a server about the teacher earlier). He struck me as a particularly patient and thoughtful man (someone perhaps uniquely suited to Vipassana) and even said that he wished me nothing but happiness in life when silence finally broke. Of course, I was wrong about other people - some I thought to be serious were actually really down to Earth and super-friendly. I chalk it up to the discipline code - it seems that some veteran meditators tend to be quite serious about it.
Once we broke silence, it was really nice getting to know the people from all walks of life - foreigners from Australia, Germany, Switzerland, France, Japan, and the UK via Sri Lanka + Indians from Maharastra, Bihar, and Arunchal Pradesh. Rarely have I been around a group of such friendly people.
I read Eckhart Tolle's books last year and though I would whole-heartedly recommend them, I felt that they were more cognitive/philosophical and less practical (here are some simple things you can do) than I would have liked. I guess that's what I like most about Vipassana - it's a practice. It's something that you do. The path is clear - you can understand the concepts but you still have to do the work - no one can do it for you. I appreciated Buddha's teachings before but I don't think I really got them until I did this retreat. Is it possible that we only gain insight through experience? Are there other ways?
And how can I relate all this to literature and film? Well, here are a few examples. I finished
Shantaram while I was in South India (I'll give a more thorough review in the next post) and I watched David Lean's
A Passage to India shortly before I left on this trip. There were a few lines mentioned in each which I'd like to share here. In
Shantaram, one of the main characters mentions that you won't really enjoy India until you surrender to it. And in
A Passage to India, a character intimates that India brings one into confrontation with one's self and that this can be disconcerting. Are both of these statements true? Is this part of the reason why certain people enjoy India and others don't? Will you only get India once you surrender to it and/or surrender to yourself?
I think I thought I got India before this but I don't think I really got India until after this course. The highs and lows here are more extreme and in the past, I was unsure as to how to navigate them. I was actually a bit apprehensive about visiting India again because of this. It requires a lot of patience. But I also felt that a lot of times when you're frustrated or find things difficult, you simply don't understand them well enough - and this is part of why I came back.
Shortly before I left Bodh Gaya, I visited a lot of the temples around town and then finally the Mahabodhi. A group of us from the retreat were actually able to camp out next to the bodhi tree for the night. It was a bit difficult to sleep and meditate because of noise from dogs, pilgrims, generators, etc. but I didn't really mind - I was in the front row for the bodhi tree (btw - speaking of aversive stimuli - how did Buddha deal with all those mosquitoes?). I'd have to say that it was probably the highlight of the trip thus far. After a ten-day course, it wasn't like I was thinking "Woo hoo, Nirvana! Time for a victory lap around the Mahabodhi!" More I just contemplated Buddha's enlightenment and how hard he had worked to attain it. And in the morning, we could see the processions of pilgrims - Buddhist, Jain, Hindu, Muslim, agnostic, Vipassana, etc. - and hear the chanting and puja ceremonies along with the muezzin's morning call to prayer wafting out of a nearby mosque. Is there any other country on Earth in which an experience such as this could take place?
Is Buddha the one that brought these people together? Did you know that his mind was so sensitive that he could sense even the smallest sub-atomic particles? - roughly two and half millennia before this was confirmed by quantum mechanics? Or that he had eliminated all of his cravings and aversions when he became enlightened? This means that you could abuse him in any way mentally or physically and that he would have nothing but compassion for you.
And is Buddha the most quintessentially Indian thing that India ever produced? This may seem like an odd question given that Buddha is actually from Lumbini, Nepal (though there is some dispute about this) and that Buddhism's heyday in India was centuries ago. But perhaps even this demonstrates Buddha's India-ness - people from elsewhere influencing what goes on here and then fading away - the Mughals and the British weren't around forever either. Buddha has all the elements........the entire scope of good and bad experience, the impermanence, the focus on philosophy/spirituality/religion, the influence on people here and elsewhere, etc. Gandhi may have given Indians their country but didn't Buddha give them perhaps their best way of dealing with it? Is it possible to take just the parts of India that you would like or do you have to take it all? Would Buddha say that in order to be truly happy that you should indeed accept it all - and with an aware and equanimous mind? Yes, Buddha didn't have to deal with the traffic, pollution, noise, etc. (aversive stimuli to most) that we have today but I can't help but imagining him thinking "Man, I have to come up with a way to deal with this Gangetic Plain heat."
So I plan to continue with the Vipassana practice (1 hour in the morning and 1 in the evening) and the tabla. Yes, Vipassana is probably the most difficult type of meditation and tabla is almost assuredly the most difficult hand drum to play but aren't most things worth doing difficult at times? I don't anticipate that I am going to attain Nirvana or become a tabla master starting at age 37 but if I dwell on those things I'd never start. I know that Vipassana has even already started to change my world view and allowed me to relax, have more compassion, be more present, get rid of some of my ego, etc. That's not to say that I no longer have anxiety or self-confidence issues but it's a work in progress.
And I'm not sure where tabla will lead me - perhaps I will continue when I get home or perhaps I will just use what I learn to influence my playing on the drum kit - I'm not sure. For now, I'm just enjoying the process.
And of course I have to include a few random questions for you:
1. Should we not look at our sensations objectively when we experience anxiety, anger, fear, etc.? Will these emotions dissipate over time with observation? Do we harm ourselves with these emotions?
2. And during downtime, should we go into our sensations? Does this make good use of our time?
3. Are we 100%!r(MISSING)esponsible for our own happiness?
4. Are these just some ways that we can be more mindful all the time?
So I hope that you are healthy and happy and free of defilements. I look forward to the next time when we can share.
All the best!
b
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Ivan
non-member comment
Eckankar teachings
Hi Brian, Thank you for including me in your travel notes. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying here. I have been learning the teachings of Eckankar - it offers a spiritual toolkit to help you experience the Light and Sound of God. It applies many concepts and terminology from Buddhism, where you do various spiritual exercises and to better understand your personal experiences with dreams and past lives, and little by little, to also understand your spiritual destiny. You should check it out - you might enjoy it too. Be safe, bro, and happy travels, Ivan