Kunming - “So Are We In a Gay Club?”

These seven simple words put the current situation into perspective. The situation I speak of is arriving into a music disco with men, women, dancing, beer, all your normal pawns in a crazy game of Saturday night chess…but something didn’t seem quite right. Something didn’t gel. Yes, there were more men dancing up on stage than women, but I have seen this before. Asian men like to dance. (Wes - that one’s for you). Many guys were talking to me and gan be’ing constantly, but as our table happened to be the only foreign table in the place, this is also normal. So what prompted this unusual comment? For now, I will keep you in suspense as before then I would like to discuss the major difference of ‘friend relations’ between Chinese and that of some(by all means not all) Westerners.

Walking around China, Kunming included, girls and girls and boys and boys are constantly touching, pinching, wrestling, empathizing with each through touch more than I expected. To see two girls walking down the street holding hands is quite common here and should not be treated as an abnormality. These girls do not have sensual feelings for each other; they just enjoy the safety of another hand. In case you question my judgment, I have posed this question to a number of Chinese girls and all back away astonished and laugh at the prospect of dating her good friend. Boys on the other hand are more seen rough-handling each other, but on a more constant basis than Americans for example and at more of an older age. Not that after a few beers I will not hug, punch, put my arm around a friend, but the borderline in China is really pushed a lot farther. If my friend pinched my ass like I saw one boy do to another today, I would give him a right smack with the intent of him not attempting this humour again. However, this touching comfort does not spread to new friends, or especially not to strangers, which again is different. It won’t take long for two Americans to become great friends worthy of FB acceptance and to quote ‘hug-it-out’, especially if alcohol is involved. Big difference in little China. Hence, having explained these simple yet important differences, it took me quite a while to determine the sexuality of our current nightclub.

The two days spent in Kunming unfortunately did not amount to much tourism. Or maybe this was fortunate, I always say this to make myself feel better. I was constantly made fun of for not seeing the Stone Forest in nearby Lunan Yi Nationality Autonomous County (say that three times fast), but having been acquainted with a group of lovely and fun travelers I didn’t have the gaw to leave too far. A walk down to the popular Yunnan University area did prompt some hip snack restaurants for college students and boutique shopping, but the days were mainly spent sitting on couches and sharing stories. Kunming is a popular travel hub with travelers moving in all directions including south to Loas and Vietnam, East to Guilin and West to Nanning. Hearing other stories and recommendations have molded my trip so far so I always take the opportunity to listen with open ears and an open mind.

Except for one night, one wild night -

Jack, a young English lad, 18…bless his innocent soul, a German girl Julie, Jacob and I decided to venture downstairs as the club seemed quite lively. Beers were drank, stages were danced upon and then it happened…I went to pee. Having not been able to sustain my seal anymore, I zig zagged across the floor being greeted to cheers by no less than three separate tables. Man, it really pays to be a foreigner in a fully Chinese bar, everyone takes notice. I entered the well lit room, I stood at my urinal looking complacently into the mirror and began watching curiously as the bathroom attendant walked my way.

“Why is he walking towards me?”

“Why doesn’t he go up to any of the other people?”

“Am I trailing toilet paper from my shoe?”

“Man that is annoying if I am, but why can’t be get it later”

AHHHHHHH! The massage happened in my weakest moment. What is a man supposed to do? My shoulders began to get a thorough massage and there was nothing I could do but grin and bear it. I rapidly completed my urination and looking embarrassingly around the room gave a quick ‘xie xie’. Walking over to the sink, my new friend was not complete. As I washed my hands, a judo chop action obviously complemented the previous intrusion of privacy. I left the bathroom a changed man. My eyes were now open to the buff Chinese guy in the corner with no shirt on and the lack of girls in the premises. So out came the question. The resulting democratic vote came to a 4-0 vote of a positive ‘yes’ of us having strayed into a Chinese gay club, but as inconspicuously as many things here, the realization did not happen quickly. But did we stay there for another 3 hours? Also yes. The new experiences never end here, accept them as they come.

---

---