Make You Own Fun

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Hi Friends - It’s been a while. I’ve been flat out at it here in Shanghai, teaching my 12 or 15 classes, applying for further certification and working up a proposal to revamp the teacher training. But last week wrote much of this next story for the Hangzhou entertainment magazine, one of two English-language publications in town.

Just to fill you in, I came to Shanghai for a week and except for one day to retrieve my worldly belongings, have been here ever since. The upside is all my classes are in English and I can really tell people stuff. The downside is I don’t use much Chinese anymore and have not taken a single lesson since leaving. Instead I practice on the front desk staff. The other day I asked for a ‘yao shi.” The woman gave me a look of wonder as I said it again. “I don’t understand your Chinese,” she said, “Next time just say ‘key.’” I apologized but really, I have no intention of changing. I’ve heard Shanghai people are not as nice as Hangzhou people. I try to see generosity in everyone, but it does seem people are in more of a rush around here.

And in case I don’t write for a bit, it’s because I am in Bali. I’m leaving Monday for two weeks there. One of which I will spend with Amy who has been doing business in Australia. The other week, well, who knows.

Happy Solstice, ya’ll!


Xi Hu Salon
Let me just say it up front. Life in Hangzhou can be isolating. Sure, there are people everywhere but you know what I mean. It sets in after the initial buzz of living in a new culture has worn off. For me it arrived full force when I realized I wasn’t so interested in smoke-filled bars packed with glassy-eyed drunks shouting over an earsplitting Pilipino rock band.

Not that I don’t enjoy a good time out, but come on, we all have our limits and in this town, we could use a little more entertainment that doesn’t involve damaging livers, hearing loss or spending much of the next day on the couch. And karoke, DVD’s and foot massages will only go so far. Shopping just doesn’t count.

Besides, you know there is more to life than pouring another pitcher. You’ve experienced it before. It’s the joy of having a really good conversation with an interesting person in a language that you understand. The only question is, how to make it happen?

Well, it ain’t really rocket science but if you are tired of the same old, same old, then quit whining and create your own fun in the form of a salon. That is, gather a group of people and organize a conversation.
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I called mine the Xi Hu Salon and before leaving for Shanghai, I hosted three evenings. They each drew nearly 20 people. From that first meeting, we’d considered discussions on Chinese medicine, film censorship, pop music, immigration and the death penalty.
But now I’ve left Hangzhou and the salons are only a memory. Unless, of course, you want to start one of your own.

Perhaps the highlight came on the last one, when we were exploring the history of Chinese censorship of film. I’d invited a couple young fellas that I met on the train from Beijing. Hudson is a software engineer. After the presentation he was renewed, having seen the creative force of Chinese film-makers, working within the limits of the censorship board.

“Until tonight,” he said, “I really wondered whether Chinese were creative.” That comment struck me hard, to think someone would consider an entire culture, his own culture for that matter, to be uncreative. Just a sign of what China went through. And I can see what he means. Chinese are great at copying shit. They can copy anything. In a recent patent lawsuit, a car company, I think it was GM, showed two cars, side by side. One was theirs, the other was made by a Chinese company, it could have been Chery. I’m not making this up. The lawyers took the latest models from each company, one silver, one red. And then swapped the doors. Red doors on a silver car. They fit perfectly.

But to make the point, people largely seem unable to take initiative and to think past the first step. Or at least perform the next step. It may well be that they think it but resist performing it lest they make an error and open themselves to criticism.


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Here are some tips to remember:

Everyone Has A Passion. You just need to find out what it is. So ask. If they are interesting to you, they’ll be interesting to others. And while they might not think they are expert, if they know more than you, they’re expert enough. If they balk and say they don’t know what they’d say, tell them to imagine they were writing a letter to their mother, explaining their passion. If that fails, invite someone else.

Pick a Place - I used my apartment because it could hold a lot of people. If your place is small, either crowd in or ask around. You could even use a more public venue like a coffee shop.

Over Invite. Invite people you’ve connected with. Suggest friends invite friends. But don’t invite just ex-pats. The mixing of cultural perspectives is especially fertile ground for opening minds on both sides. And know that roughly half the people won’t make it even if they said they would, so invite plenty.

Keep It Simple. Dinners are too complex. Call it dessert and drinks.

Delegate and Participate- Ask people to help. You are the host so your job is to organize. You don’t have to do everything. If you’ve created the space, its fair that others pitch in to help. Tell them to bring something to share like food or beverages. You will all feel better by sharing responsibility for the fun.

Consider Your Substances - Alcohol loosens lips, but puts people to sleep. Tea and coffee keep the energy flowing. Offer both.

Watch the Clock. Suggest people arrive an hour early to socialize, say 7pm. Then start the program at the appointed hour, maybe 8pm. Get it moving. Then cut it off before it gets too late. Leave people wanting more, not wishing they’d left early.

Focus First. Let the guest do their presentation. Suggest they plan to talk for 30 minutes. Then open it up for questions and conversation.

Use Visual Aids - A picture says a thousand words. Presenters should use props. Slide shows, DVDs and books all make great additions.

Get Creative - Once you get a core group, it doesn’t have to be a talk at all. How about a drum circle? Or a poetry reading? Or silly kids games.

Be Accountable - Before the group breaks up, the host should set the next date and get someone committed to present at the next meeting.

Communicate - Get phone numbers and emails. Send out a notice a week ahead, asking for a reply.

Have Fun - This isn’t a job interview or a presentation. It’s an evening with friends. Joke around. Flirt. And then afterwards, go out dancing. There’s still time. It’s only 11pm.

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