He who cannot compromise.......

With his enemy is controlled by them!

I suspect that the neck cracking skyline of this fine city of Shanghai was completely inspired by a certain new romantic influence of later day 20th century circa nineteen hundred and eighty, when a young team of visionaries from Sheffield Yorkshire called themselves 'The Human League' came up with something really great. There are no other words to describe Shanghai as every building as far as the eye can see is 'Empire State Human' Tall tall tall...........!


'Since I was very young I realised I never wanted to be human size....'


We walked around with cricked necks and dropped jaws looking upward while clumsily bumping into people and lamp posts on the ground. I thought about all the impressive historical sites we have seen on our journey so far, Palenque, Tikal, The Great Wall of China, The Bayon faces at Angkor Wat, Inca trail-Machu Picchu and the amazing Yungang Caves in Da Tong. I have always wondered how it must have been in the days of ancient old, living amongst such great wonders, but then I thought that 200-500-1000 years from now the future people of this world maybe saying the same about the structures of Shanghais Bund, the Pearl Tower, the Olympic Nest Beijing! that stands in front of me today, its all about time and conceptions and space continuum.



'With concentration my size increased and now im fourteen stories high at least........'



Some structures are over fifty stories high but each building is unique and equally impressive as the last, they all show great character and craftsmanship and if you stare at them long enough you can imagine them coming to life as humans, an animated film mix of 'War of the Worlds' and 'Transformers' we even spotted Kylie Minogue who was 100 ft tall. (Pictured below)



To get around is easy with many buses and subways but one good cheap means of transport is the metered taxi as a couple of bucks buys many miles. I sat up front with one cab driver, I put my seat belt on and the driver went bazerk, for some crazy reason he felt I didn't trust his driving skills and made huge sighs and gestures for me NOT to wear it. Of course I trusted my personal cab driver implicitly, it was the kids on push bikes who thought they were on some BMX race course and the Pizza Hut delivery man who had to be there yesterday or the white van man that rules the road and jumps all those red lights at junctions, believe me its the same world over, these are the people I had the problem with. Another time I was sat in the back of the cab and I was looking at the cab drivers face, it was lazer smooth and hairless, completely void of any five o'clock shadows, whiskers or fluff, in fact all men in China have baby smooth faces and enviable hairless bodies. While sat at the traffic lights this one cabbie pulled out a small bull dog clip and took advantage of the direct sunlight that beamed in great light as he carefully removed a few lurking chin hairs which he placed on the back of his hand to examine before the lights turned green. It is Chinese superstition that the wearing of facial hair is bad luck, so no one does, but would this superstition apply to the women I saw whose facial follicles had sculpted themselves into some kind of Daliesque work of art?



Tibet Road was fantastic especially for antiques, the pet market had individual locusts in tiny weaved boxes the noise made me think I was in the tropics,along side specialised birds in cages being hand feed with spoons, yapping designer dogs being fluffed up with hair dryers, enormous bag-puss cats laying inside their own litter trays and kittens galore. Out side and between the many nick nack stands were the sex toy stands, where counterfeit DVDs showed naked girls who were posing in impossible 'Shoalin' type positions, they looked like real F-list celebrates with the faces photo-shopped from TV & gossip magazines from England. Along side were enormous jet black rubber shlongers that had the male Japanese tourists go crazy with excitement. Many discarded battery boxes lay beneath all the plastic vaginas and love eggs in all colours and sizes.



We walked to 'The Bund' which is the world famous promenade opposite the spacey Oriental Pearl Tower and JinMao skyscraper. Shouts could be heard from all the illegal food sellers, strange magic men, kite sellers, beggars who weaved between hoards of Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, walking families and skyscraper gazing tourists. The special 'Bund' police force gave regular chase to these scallies while driving a single plastic electric buggi that looked more like those cartoon vehicles for kids out side a supermarket that cost 20 p to run for three minutes, but these cops had a zen thing going on as 'Enya' played at full head splitting volume, which goes wildly against the normally calming new age genre. The illegals ran for their lives away from the legals but I felt they were running more from the repetitious sounds of Enya than the Carry On policing style of the special Bund force.



Across from 'The Bund' stood the Oriental Pearl Tower, but this time there were the booming sounds of 'West life - Mandy', which I think Mr.Yang Liwei (the first man in Space) had something to do with this, as it sounded like it was coming from a massive satellite in space making it mission impossible to escape the noise. I took pictures of its mighty pink and grey structure while a Chinese child took pictures of my own mighty structure, a young boy and I had a 'click off', we stood facing each other and took endless photos until one of us gave up, I let him win, then we laughed a lot.



In the Pearl Tower we were shunted into a small lift then went up some 200 meters to the middle section, but before the lift doors opened I could sense all was not right as yet another fight was in progress, this one was the mother of all fights. The doors opened, at first the lift girl did not register that it was a potentially dangerous situation for her customers, the fight was between big men, many men, all punching the day lights out of each other in that football frenzied way, sadly this was our third fight witnessed in China. Small children and women were screaming and running in all directions in fear, we were escorted up to some emergency stairs to the space cabin level for safety. 350 meters in the sky and we could not see a thing, in regards to China's air quality Shanghai is the same as everywhere here, thick grey smog. Its great having all these impressive skyscrapers to climb up and down but there is no real point as you can't see anything out the windows above 20 metres it was all a grey haze. We managed one day of sunshine, I was back down the Bund to take pictures before the sun went back in.

My Perfect Ears Of Abundance

Shanghai is a great city to walk around and around, while we were there we must have walked another Great Wall in distance, but one day I woke up and my feet and ankles had exploded the swelling was more disturbing to those who had to look at it as the Chinese always seem to look at my shoes or feet then sniff a bit, which I don't understand at all. I thought back to the fortune teller who said 'when my heart and lungs pack up...blagh blagh' He could not have meant now already? I am meant to live another 165 years by my long life line calculations. I felt fine, pulse regular, blood pressure normal, I did not know what to do next as it was quiet painful so I went in search of another Traditional Chinese Medicine place, I found one somewhere up there in the Shanghai heights around the 37th floor level. I was quoted an horrific price for the same service I had received elsewhere for cheap, but the receptionist assured me the price was all inclusive, the consult, treatments - (plural) and needles.



I thought to myself well I am here now I might as well go for it, (so damn stupid and English of me!) but Stu said we could also just leave and I could just put my feet high up, the last 25 days of solid walking and lying horizontal on hard trains for hours on end (Luyuong to Shanghai 17 hours) and 24 nights sleeping on back breaking futons with little sleep, permanently eating 'take away' type foods and pot noodles (to us Brits....no offence to the Chinese) has not helped. I did not listen to him my legs were in agony and so I continued with the consult. The 'Dr.' was nice enough at least she spoke English which all the rest had not. She complemented my 'prosperity palace' nose but focused her attentions more on my 'Ears of Abundance'. She felt my face had good solid quality of yang chi my round face was the face of fine fertility! My bone in my head was a good 'Jade Pillow' again meaning prosperity and luck, she told me my childhood was not so good, she could tell this by indentations in my right ear, she fondled my ears for ages, she got very excited I thought she may have had some weird fetish as her thumb and forefinger traced every lump, bump, plump fleshy broad bits, thin bony narrow bits, she told me my ears were pure perfection and I should be expecting a child soon.......WHAT? I piddled into a cup, she took some blood, she placed three plasters with a small stone into my ears to encourage me to press the relevant pressure points for the next 7 days, one point made me wish to pass out she said this was progress, along with an assortment of temporary acupuncture needles I was stabbed from every angle, as this would help balance the swelling in my feet.



I rested with pins in my ears, head and neck for 30 minutes she told me all I needed was complete rest, then I saw the bill - silence - my currently not so abundant ears popped with semi annoyance, they had doubled the cost, apparently the urine and blood tests and packets of crushed herbs to take for seven days to give back vital chi energy were not included in the original quote, as much as I calmly argued then pleaded that 'SHE..' pointing to dumb reception lady in front of me who suddenly could not speak a word of English, had previously told me using good English, that it was all included? The argument went no where, I had not listened to my self nor my Ox protector boyfriend who said to leave in the first place. Three days later the swelling was still there, so I emailed my friend Dalia in Guatemala who is a dietitian I told her about my diet of noodles and more bloody rice and the constant walking I am doing, she told me to steer clear of starches such as noodles and rice, pasta and breads for at least three days, raise my feet above heart level when resting, then the swelling should go down. The Dr had not ask me about my diet or gave any advise to raise my legs, which I already knew to do, she just said to squeeze my ear points three times a day for a week....humbug! Dalia was right, the swelling reduced and this great advise cost me nothing.



Old Chinese Proverb Says: INSANITY is doing the same thing in the same way but paying a higher price then expecting a different outcome



A SMALL word on the Olympics.



I had a great thought followed by a serious question. My thoughts as I leave China was for a happy ending to this troubled Earth Rat year for the Chinese people, but then a question surfaced of why couldn't all the world leaders from all of the Olympic countries competing especially those within Europe consider attending the 2008 Olympics together, like the G-8 but more the O-8? Would this really be too impossible to consider and wouldn't this one action go beyond the negative tinder and kindling of miss trust and slander being created and kept alive and would it not show the most powerful untied front in modern day history? (Note to self: Must contact Sir Bob Geldof and Sir Bono U2 man get things moving, time is ticking!) Supporting China this year could cut away some of the bad blood and smooth out the 'them and us' attitude which continues to fuel the on going fires of east-west relations. In time this united front could help influence China to rethink its stance on various ongoing issues especially Tibet and their strange views on the most peaceful man on this Planet Earth the Dalai lama?



I'm no political activist, member of any club, cult or sect, I only have one O' Level in art and a Diploma in Fashion design and that was a struggle Oh, and an IHCD in saving lives, all that aside as I moved within China for a piddly 29 days as a major disaster had just stuck the day before I arrived, through this one event I have picked up a lot of information and seen and experienced first hand what its people and leaders are capable of in the midst of disaster, how foreign ex-pats have dropped everything to assist, but also I saw how the rest of the world responded with deep concern and much compassion for its earthquake victims, the Chinese people are grateful for this. A lot of the time with us visitors it is the smaller miss understandings that get blown out of proportion and cause friction which is usually down to language barriers and different customs.



For a simple example: in a taxi if you don't pronounce the place correctly they get embarrassed as they don't understand, so out of personal shame would rather shoo you out of the cab and be seen as rude for 2 seconds than further their embarrassment and get lost which could take ages. There is always a solution, try ease yourself in to the cab slowly say “Nihai” (Hello) sit down next to them in a calm fashion, look them in the eyes and point slowly to the location on a tourist map that you provide, pointing to where you want to go (a business card of final destination will add more support in this instance), a big smile from you, creates a big smile from them, then suddenly there is no problem. This kind of problem stems from the fact they simply don't wish to disappoint and they say 'sorry' a lot of the time, so it is about finding the balance in every sticky situation where there is little or no common language.



Old Chinese Proverb say: He that has no silver in his purse, should have silver on his tongue


We had no problems booking tickets, you just say the name of the place and point to a chart with times and coach classes and bingo your away. Restaurants had picture menus, animal noises clarified if it was pig, cow, or chicken, fish is a universal word or you point to the fish swimming in the standard aquariums situated in the north points of the Feng Shuied restaurants. You will find that the words 'sorry', 'bye bye', 'OK', 'how much you pay' and 'cheap' are universal, products in shops had pictures on it and or similar graphics to products at home, counting numbers on fingers or in written form is universal also. Every building in China is balanced, they use the sacred art of Feng Shui everywhere and at all times, new constructions have green lush potted plants to protect its jagged edges and to encourage growth, fish tanks are used in North points to keep the flow of energy moving, all rooms especially entrances have a symmetry about them, but is this how the Chinese mind works too?



Another example of communication came about with my recent China blogs, I received some praise and mild criticism from a certain Chinese resident, this intrigued me, so after patient communication both parties realised that we believed and understood the same points and came to similar or the same conclusions, the problem originally arose with my broad English writing and its ironic humorous leanings fussed with the more straight thinking patriotic and at times very passionate Chinese language and mindset, this combination caused misunderstandings. The key words here are 'patient & communication'. I could have ignored certain comments and not bothered to write back, he could have not bothered to write at all, but we did communicate and I learnt and gained a lot from this one man.




Old Chinese proverb says: If you are patient in a moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.



It seems in China that the world of politics dominates, politics rank higher than religion or sciences, it is said that most Chinese do not accept the concept of religious freedom and politics working along side each other, I cant answer why this is, maybe my Chinese friend can! So, with this in mind we need to work alongside this particular mindset. If we boycott the Olympics, threaten this and that action It will cause more of a divide and prolong the current problems in Tibet, there will be a lack of great tea being shipped home, the toy and gadget shops will be no more in Europe and our small children and grown men will cry for ever more. The Chinese are completely self sufficient with an estimated $324 billion entering China in the first four months of 2008, which annoys me that I now know non of it goes towards its homeless and sick. But saying this we need to display more patients and learn to communicate on a more positive note which I know the Dalai Lama has tried to do for many decades now, maybe because the rest of us have not used the same techniques nothing has changed, if we all take one golden leaf from his holinesses own book of universal compassion, if we all behave with equal compassion and understanding then maybe one day the Chinese governments may soften their stance, maybe in our life time, may be not, we can only try to pave the path for future generations of this world.



Old Chinese proverb says: Politics makes strange bedfellows.



If you hate tipping come to China as they don't accept tips at all, just before we left the country I went to a public loo, I decided to leave all my loose change and small notes in a dish for the loo attendant, but she came running out the loo's to give me all the money back as the dish was for soap only.


Our chunky Lonely Plant hardly saw the light of day. We simply have gotten into a well oiled travel routine and prefer to listen to locals and others in the know, there is a natural flow of various gringo trails, just decide where you are starting from and the trail begins, people cross paths half way and we swapped notes, all the hostels are fantastic modern clean emporiums and they all recommend each other up and down the country. I always grab local papers and research further on the net. So far the lonely planet book has been used for the following purposes.

Door stopper/wedge
Bed lamp stand (to raise a little bedside light a bit higher)
To wedge between a flapping annoying AC vent
To lend to those less confident than ourselves
Laptop knee rest while playing DVD's on a rock hard futon bed
To keep old yet important bits of paper flat.
To place flat on top of head, then walk in a single line while reciting “The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plane”
To sit on to avoid piles on cold or wet concrete.
Paper weight
I tore out one small corner on page 357 to use as a tooth pick.
To press dried flowers then make up in to decorative book marks, Blue Peter style!
To learn Cantonese with a copper on a public train (the only genuine usage)
While getting from A-B without actually looking at it as it is kept in shoulder bag it strengthens thigh, calf, shoulder, upper abs aerobics.
To do step routines from or to reach something up heigh.
Head rest at train stations

So, our 30 days were up and as the Chinese say 'Happy People don't count the hours as they pass' this is because the time flies by. I really have enjoyed my time here, I have seen and learnt a lot from this interesting, vast and complex country. I have only touched with one tip of my finger its surface but I am so pleased to have seen some of its incredible sights to have walked the Great Wall and to have met some really amazing people along the way.

Many thanks to Shanghai Nicolas.


Old Chinese proverb says: Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think.

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