The Final Blog....

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Well, this is probably the final blog and I'm afraid there's gonna be a lot to cover so take your seats and get comfy.

First off though, congratulations to Lizzie and Dom - now proud parents of a little girl, Lily Grace, born Sunday 10th September - and very cute.

So we finally arrived in Shanghai - city of lights by the looks of things. There are loads more westerners around here so we don't feel quite so odd - although we're still getting a few stares and while walking through town on our first full day here one girl walking towards us blatantly pulled out her phone and took a picture of me!! Maybe she was a model spotter???? OK, maybe not...

On our first day we were wandering through the people's park, hoping to catch some more OAPs in dance practice and some students came up to talk to us (they like to practise their English). Anyhow, they were really nice and took us to a traditional Chinese tea tasting ceremony. Basically we were taught how to taste tea properly which involved lots of spinning of tiny pots for good luck, pouring tea over a frog (ceramic not real - well you never know here) and then drinking the tiny cups of tea in three mouthfuls - which was fine except for the teas that had to use water at boiling point and then it kind of scalded. Asking why the tea was poured over the frog, we were told after gasps, very politely, that it was a Tea God, not a frog! Also they pointed out that we wouldn't be able to sip from the tiny cups in the proper manner as our noses were too big!!!! They said that in China everyone envies the western big nose as they all have tiny button noses and a big schnoz is considered attractive - which puts me right at the top of the list for desirable facial features. We have also been assured that Jasmine tea is brilliant for staving off the aging process in the skin and helping you maintain a youthful appearance, so that will definitely be the tipple of choice in our house!!!

We've also spotted a curious habit amongst the menfolk of this country. They all seem to roll their trouser legs up whenever sat down - now either this is an effective way of cooling down their overheated limbs or they're all members of some secret fraternity and this is a signal to fellow members - whatever, Pip is now fully initiated!

That evening we wandered up The Bund (the riverfront) looking at the amazing lights on all the skyscrapers and then took the passenger tunnel under the river to the Pudong area. You get into a cable car that goes along under the river through a series of light shows that look like something out of a 70's episode of Star Trek, and we kept expecting Scotty, Dr Spock, Sulu and James T to beam into our car. Once on the other side of the river we went to the bar on the 87th floor of the Hyatt hotel to see the lights. Problem was that we were so high and it was quite cloudy so we couldn't actually see much. We consoled ourselves with some hideously expensive Moet and a few nibbles (though this joint was way too classy for chicken feet).

The following day we went to meet one of Pip's old work colleagues who is now posted here in Shanghai, but couldn't get a taxi for ages and when one finally stopped they couldn't understand the address we'd had translated into Chinese so refused to take us. There was a Chinese chap also trying to get a cab and he started talking to us about our holiday etc and we were waiting together for so long he offered to buy us a drink. He was joined by a couple of colleagues and it turned out they were all attending an economics conference nearby and the chap we'd been waiting with is the Director of Economics at Beijing University and was presenting at the conference. We'd explained our difficulty in getting anyone to understand the address and Dr Wang and his colleague Dr Ye (a professor at Shanghai Uni) insisted on getting their friend to drive us to his office to check it on the internet and then driving us to the address so we would know where it was. Then they insisted on paying for us to go on a cruise up the Huangpu River and bought us more beers!! They were so lovely amd didn't try to cop a feel once, maybe that's a reflection on us??

We discovered that they loved Princess Di but not Charles and Camilla and also that they greatly admire Margaret Thatcher, "not only for her brains, but for her great beauty and fashion sense"!! This might go some way to explaining the popularity of perms and why middle aged Chinese women always wear little two piece skirt suits.

Shanghai is definitely a city of two halves - the Pudong area is full of skyscrapers, western hotels and corporate offices and then you have the old city on the other side of the river where we were staying which is full of little alleyways full of people selling just about everything and cooking up delicious food in little restaurants where you sit on the side of the road and eat. We decided that the Pudong side was quite sophisticated until we spotted a bar called Hooters which we reckon caters to the British and American ex-pats.

Beijing is quite different to Shangai. Obviously its not as modern and it feels a lot more conservative. We visited Tianamen Square which is huge and we queued with the thousands of Mao devotees to have a 30 second peek at his pickled body in the Chairman Mao Mausoleum and managed not to snigger even though it looked like a bad Madam Taussauds model - mostly for fear of being shot! We were disappointed that we weren't able to get close enough to check whether Mr Mao's large wart on his chin had survived the pickling process or not.

Our accommodation in Beijing was kind of interesting - we've finally worked out that we were staying in what is basically a knocking shop. Small clues were the condoms and feminine wipes in the bathroom (which you have to pay for), the phone calls in the middle of the night offering massages and the offer of 'Night Cat only needs to pay for 2 hours' emblazoned up the stairs as you enter!! You can see from the pic that the building we were in also housed a nightclub and tea-rooms so what with that and the brothel it was a fairly busy building - our bedroom window is actually behind the big flashing red lights.

We ate delicious Crispy Duck and pancakes at a restaurant and managed not to heave when we realised that they had left half of the duck's head (sliced down through the middle) on the serving dish - oddly enough we weren't fighting over who would have it!

We're eating some amazing food, but have discovered new depths that the Chinese will sink to in order to appease their appetites. On the street markets you can buy any kind of kebab you might fancy - fried scorpions (these are still alive when they put them on the sticks), starfish, sea horses, small snakes, silkworms - you name and they eat it! And our absolute favourite so far is the nutritious beef penis - though I'm struggling to think about which specific vitamins and minerals it might contain.

The visit to the Great Wall was a real highlight. We went to Mutianyu which has been partly restored - the views were amazing although going the day after a night before with minging hangovers when it was 30 degrees didn't feel so great.

We've also managed to catch acrobatic shows and martial arts - nothing like seeing grown men kicking the sh*t out of each other for an evening's entertainment.

Next stop was Xi'an - home to the terracotta warriors. We visited the local landmarks, the drum tower - which houses a large drum, and the bell tower - and you can guess what's there. Anyway Pip and I decided that it was rude not to participate so Pip did the drum and bass section while I rang the bell. We also went to the Huaqing Hot Springs and were told that if you washed your face in the hot springs it would take 3 years off - so we frantically washed our faces about a million times - no effects yet but we reckon combined with the Jasmine Tea we're gonna return looking like teenagers. Whilst wandering around the Big Wild Goose Pagoda (as you do) we also answered the question that is on everyone's lips, ie, "Whatever happened to Yoda after Star Wars?" - you'll be pleased to know that he's living a peaceful life as a monk in the temples in Xi'an.

The warriors themselves were amazing - thousands of them and each of them has different features - they reckon they were modelled on real soldiers. We were only allowed to get close to the copies at the factory shop that is a mandatory part of your visit but obviously took the opportunity for a bit of posing.



Chinglish continues to tickle us:

Sign in the entrance to the hotel 'Lobby on 8th Floor. Please here.'
Instruction in the internet cafe 'The respect customer hoped you do not forget the pay up (otherwise consequence will be proud).

Another thing about the language - when you hear something that is so foreign often you imagine that either (a) there are random English words in the middle of their sentences or (b) sometimes you think you can actually understand what they're saying!! I'm positive I heard reference to "whorehouse" in the middle of someone's Chinese conversation and Pip is convinced that she's now fluent in Chinese - at least in understanding it.

Our last stop will be Hainan - an island off the south coast of China and we're looking forward to a bit of beach life to round off the trip - though September is ripe for cyclones and hurricanes so we may have to hang to our hats literally. We then have the small matter of getting back to Hong Kong which hasn't been sorted yet and so far it looks a 3 hour bus ride, a ferry ride, an overnight train journey (just to get back to mainland China) then another train journey to get us to Hong Kong. We're just going to wing it but I've managed to get out of more remote places before so I'm sure we'll make it back home safely.

Thanks to everyone for reading the blogs - it doesn't mean that you don't have to sit down through the hundreds of photographs though - anyone who's prepared to do the whole lot in one sitting gets to come round for dinner and a sleepover!!

Thanks for the all the messages, see you in a few weeks, take care

Carole and Pip
xx

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Photos

Yoda
alive and well in Xi'an

and when I take my hands away
I'm 15 again!!!