I'll blog whenever I feel like blogging.

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"Long time no see."

Word on the street is that Chinglish (ie. improper usage of English by Chinese speakers, often due to improper direct translation of idioms) is the source of that phrase. If anybody knows etymology, it's the proverbial streets. Proper!

Julie and I just returned from a 2-week vacation from our teaching jobs, which saw us undertake a whirlwind tour through Yunnan province in southwestern China. We've been in China for 3 months, but that was our first time outside of Guangxi province, thus it was our first real Chinese exploration.

I figure that deserves a blog. But I also figure that I can't justify blogging about the recent 2 week vacation without first playing a little catch-up on the last 3 months, seeing as I haven't blogged since early February - which I guess makes it more like 4 months. So hold off on your yunnan curiosities, pull up a seat... would you like the other half of this twix? I didn't lick it or anything. Let me try to tell you about life in Yangshuo.

I know Julie informed everyone that we were living between two whorehouses over behind our school when we first started. The best part was hearing whore-screaming-matches from whore-street wafting through our window at four in the morning.

Judging from the guys that we've seen frequenting the places and the relatively slim amount of money we expect is actually changing hands, it's hard to figure out what exactly these whores might be fighting so uncompromisingly over at such an hour. If it was America, I would guess they were angry over someone's allegedly suspicious accounting regarding the division of a Taco Bell bill. But China only has KFC, and KFC's receipts have a very straight-foward itemization format, to prevent just such confusion.

The other best part about whore street was the advertising war pitting the two whorehouses against each other. Granted, our neighborhood was home to about a dozen whorehouses within a four-block radius, so the healthy competition between these two might have given them an (overtly punny) leg up on their other competition.

The international symbol for whorehouse on the Asian continent is a barber pole, lit up and spinning all night long. Most Chinese whorehouses don 't have a barber pole, but the pink lighting (and, of course, the gaggle of card-playing whores) kind of helps you pinpoint the right places without the need of sleezeball code language expertise.

One of our street's whorehouses - we'll call it Lefty's - got a nice brand new neon barber pole, and they seemed really proud of that. That barber pole was about the brightest-sparkling twinkle in Whore District's emerald green eyes for those first few nights.

The proprietor of "Righty's" obviously didn't take too kindly to the reaction that the barber pole was getting. "They got a barber pole, do they?" he says to himself. "Well I'm gonna put up a giant sign with Boobies all over it. That's right!... Boobies!" He said it, not me. One of his whores must have been watching a History channel documentary on game theory or Truman's Manhattan Project decision or something, because she advised him to go ahead and put up not one, but two(!) giant boobies signs, right off the bat, just to show those other bitches that Righty's means business.

Cue the whorehouse boobies sign pictures.

We moved out of the pink light district about 6 weeks ago, and our new free! apartment is awesome. Our bedroom and living room are decent. The gigantimous free! rooftop deck is the jam, especially when we have parties. The free! second bedroom houses all of my not-so-free music shit, including the drum set that some friends and I chipped in on a few free! months ago. The free! kitchen, while being a Chinese apartment kitchen (which basically just means a gas burner and a place for the free! running water to drain), at least it's a kitchen, and thus more appropriate for cooking than a (what's the opposite of glorified) hotel room. And the bathrooms even have free! Chinese squat toilets, the use of which (according to a nurse-friend who is a bowel specialist) provides a much better "result" than traditional Western toilets. And it's all free!

The apartment has been getting its proper mileage since we moved in. A nice house-warming party to flex its capabilities and ease into the "good life" that it so promises. More consistent are our ever-popular burrito nights. It's strange how, after meeting like 2 Americans during our whole Southeast Asia and China trip, we happen to work closely with like 7 other Americans at Omeida. And satisfactory Mexican food is apparently one of those things that Americans seem to universally miss when travelling in Asia. Our burritos, by the way, using altogether improvised ingredients, are F-ing amazing!

Which brings up an interesting observation I've had. It is impossible to find limes in Yangshuo. Lemons are everywhere, just no limes. I defy anyone to find a town on this or any other planet with a higher ratio of Karaoke bars to limes (7 to 0 at last count) than Yangshuo. The closest we could get for our Pico de Gallo was that, at the basically nicest bar in town, the owner (who's homies with my friend Leo and me) had some lime cocktail mix that he was hoarding and very hesitant to part with, because he never knows when he can get more for making tourist-priced margaritas. Still he shared a few ounces. Thank you, Mickey!

Anyway, it doesn't make sense, because just a few hours away, in Yunnan province, you can get limes anywhere. So, yeah, we smuggled back a few kilograms for what I anticipate to be a big burrito-and-margarita festival for my birthday this coming weekend. I'm like the Han Solo of southwestern China's illicit cocktail fruit market.

To be a bit more informative, Julie and I are having an amazing time in Yangshuo. I even missed "home" on our two-week vacation and was very excited to be returning. We recently bought our own rock climbing gear to facilitate cheaper climbing outings, which are becoming more and more an integral and frequent part of our workweeks and weekends.

Our students and co-workers are amazing. I think this might be the first "real" job I've had that I've actually relished performing in my entire life. A good weekly bike ride into the countryside consistently seems to bring home just how special this place really is. The scenery is out of this world, and the area is very peaceful and VERY rural. It's pretty much the most perfect (for us) piece of China that we could have hoped for.

This blog is just kind of opening the floodgates, by the way. Over the next few days, I'll be releasing a part 2 of our Yangshuo experience, followed by a good long blog about our trip through Yunnan. And I'm sure Julie will have plenty to say over the course of a blog or two. So, please check back and we'll offer up a few more helpings of what's been going on, for anybody who's still interested.

Sorry I was so negligent all this time. Yangshuo has kept me about as busy as I've been in my whole life. Of course, I'm only working about 17 hours a week, so I guess I'm the culprit for keeping myself so busy. Anyway, just a long way to say more blogs are coming in the next few days. Right now, I'm tired of typing. Pictures to follow soon.

I've still got enough energy left, though, to steal another travel-blogger's idea.

Song of the Day: "Simeon's Dilemma" by Why?

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