'Tis the Season

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It's that special time of year again, when the number of colored lights lining city streets in the United States crosses the line from tasteful holiday display to airport landing strip. I thought I'd seen it all.

Then I moved back to Beijing.

The magnitude of brightness of the Christmas lights displays in Beijing put Las Vegas to shame. I always thought people who wore sunglasses at night were sort of lame, but I have now joined their ranks, if for nothing else but to save my retinas from burning into a molten pool of nothingness. I am not making this up- whoever decorates the streets of Beijing is either insane or blind. Maybe both.

The air of Beijing is ripe with the spirit of the season (along with about 10,000 fine particles of you-don't-even-want-to-know per cubic foot) and I am pumped. I just returned from the Land of the Free after an absurdly stealthy Christmas trip, in which I flew 7,000 miles across the ocean to surprise my unsuspecting parents on Christmas Eve. In fact, I think my appearance at the airport when they arrived to pick up other relatives the same day was the first time I'd seen either of them literally speechless with shock and joy. It was awesome.

Now that I'm back in the real City That Never Sleeps, I thought I would share with you what a typical day in my life here in China is like, so, may I present:

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF MERRITT AMELIA WILSON*

or

HOW TO ACHIEVE MINOR CELEBRITY STATUS WITHOUT EVEN TRYING


0615
I wake up to my alarm and gaze mournfully at the glowing numbers on the clock. Yes, it really is that early.

0730
The company shuttle departs from my neighborhood and I settle back for the ride.

0731
We get stuck in a horrific traffic jam that stretches for kilometers, a.k.a. the morning commute in Beijing.

0750
We make our first stop to pick up my colleagues. The driver cuts across four lanes of traffic without using his mirrors.

0800
We get stuck in the second traffic jam of the morning. I see a mule pulling a cart laden with fruit head-butt a taxi.

0810
The driver switches on the radio to listen to the morning traffic report. The announcer cheerfully reports that traffic all over Beijing has come to a dead stop.

0815
We make a second stop. My colleagues clamber into the shuttle, teeth chattering and lips blue with cold. The winds are blowing in from Siberia.

0830
We make our third, and final, stop of the morning. I watch elderly ladies march in step to banging cymbals and melodious Chinese trumpets under the highway overpass as they participate in community-sponsored morning exercises.

0840
We arrive at the office and take the stairs to the third floor. The office is freezing cold and all of the electrical appliances have been unplugged, courtesy of building management who are determined to save energy (money).

0900
I am deeply immersed in catching up with the emails that have piled up in my inbox when my coworker asks if I'd like some coffee. The emails can wait.

0910
I return to my desk, impressed with myself for finally learning how to make a cappuccino with our fancy coffee machine. And with minimal splatter, too! Ah, it's the joy of the small things in life...

1030
The head of building management stomps into the office and heads straight for the thermostat. Glancing disdainfully in my direction (he knows!), he punches the temperature back down to 20 degrees centigrade.

1031
I punch it back up to 25. My colleagues applaud and take off their jackets.

1153
A colleague raps on the low glass partition that separates our desks. Time for lunch? I nod in the affirmative and make a general announcement. "Chow time!"

1154
Someone gets a last minute assignment and we all resign ourselves to the wait. The team that dines together, stays together...

1215
Freedom! We head outside into the frigid air and walk briskly to the office park cafeteria 10 minutes away.

1226
As we head toward the food stall that uses the least amount of oil, a general murmur goes around the room and people seated at the cafeteria tables begin furtively staring at me. Our office is so far from the city center that many of the people working in the area have still not had much contact with Westerners, so I am a bit of a novelty.

1230
I sign a few autographs before my colleagues beat back the crowds of admirers and we head to the counter to order.

1231
The cashier asks if I was born or raised in China. One of my colleagues replies that not only was I raised in China, I grew up in a rural village and don't speak a word of English. The cashier is awed.

1235
Our food arrives and we sit down to eat together.

1237
The boys finish eating.

1250
The other girls scrape last mouthfuls from their bowls.

1300
I finish my lunch. Everyone teases me about how slowly I eat, but also praise my ability to permit time for proper digestion. I am flattered and also slightly grossed out.

1315
We return to the office and I invite everyone to attend a short English class. When I was hired, I volunteered to occasionally teach English classes to help my colleagues better communicate with foreign clients and contractors. So far, they've been a hit with the team. Class is especially entertaining when I teach American culture and slang. Never underestimate the hilarity of a group of Chinese engineers repeating, "Can you do me a solid?" in carefully enunciated English.

1400
Class concludes and everyone emerges from the meeting room chattering excitedly about how much they enjoyed the class. I feel good.

1415
My boss asks me to come to his office for a brief meeting. Although I've only been with the company for six months, he is entrusting me with increasing amounts of responsibility and I am doing my best to take on every task he sends my way. My last major project before the holidays saw me buying over 2,000 RMB ($300) worth of chocolate to send to clients. It was a tough job, but someone had to do it...

1500
The internet in our building is usually slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter, but some days it abruptly stops transmittals altogether. Today is one of those days. As I wait for the IT guy to find the source of the problem, I study my Business Chinese textbook and make notes of new vocabulary I can use at the next client meeting. The street slang and useful curse words I learn from my coworkers probably won't cut it.

1730
In the blink of an eye, the workday is over and my colleagues and I have to be pried away from our desks and forced to go home (ok, that was a lie). The truth, though, is that I truly enjoy coming to work every day; something that I have not been able to say for every job I've held in the past.

1830
After whizzing through the first three stops of the shuttle ride home, we get stuck in a massive traffic jam on Guomao bridge, close to the World Trade Center and approximately two kilometers from my apartment. Of course.

1910
After a fabulous forty-minute crawl along Beijing's stellar roadways, we reach my stop. I burst from the confines of the shuttle with unbridled joy and reckless abandon...until two seconds later, when Beijing's cruel winter temperatures slap me in the face and my jaw freezes to the point of slurred speech.

1933
It is only with the greatest self-motivation in the history of humanity that I battle the howling winds and sub-zero temperatures to meet my Beijing family of friends for our weekly dinner at Hercules, a soup/sandwich place akin to Panera Bread in the U.S. They better be worth it....

1945
...And they are. After a long day at the office, followed by the daily Us vs. the Beijing Commute, it feels good to break bread together. And perhaps a martini...

2030
We head out to another friend's casa for movie night. After a friendly debate (and a wrestling contest to determine the winner), we settle on a DVD.

2200
The movie finally starts. Who knew that the lack of communication from the Mars explorer to Earth could elicit so much conversation?

2330
We say goodnight and I walk home, marveling at the newfound ability to see the stars in Beijing. How far we've come...

0003
Zzzzzzz


* Some events may have been slightly exaggerated for your reading pleasure. Actually, that's a lie. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

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