Xīnniánkuàilè, etc.

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Ominous Beginnings...
It would be sufficed to say that 2010 and I did not get off on the right foot. It was as if from the dawn of the new year the Fates shifted their gaze upon me and decided to rain down a hail of mischief and torment directly upon my weak mortal self. I have been astounded at the multiple (and seemingly never ending levels) "rock-bottom" possess. My previous lives have equipped and fortified in me a firm "grin and bear it" mentality and ability to function well in even the most dire of circumstances, but these past couple months have truly tested my Pollyanna complex. The "glad-game" has become an illusion that I can merely attempt to cling desperately onto. I am not usually one for pessimistic or paranoid thinking, but considering the year thus far... the universe is out to get me. Yes, one might consider this statement to by typical "Lindsie" dramatics, but perhaps after I sketch out a brief description of the events that have transpired you will alter your opinion.

Lost & Found:
I lose my jacket and am forced to spend three days sans warm outerwear. I had misplaced my coat-check ticket and the rule at the venue was that you are not allowed to rummage through the checked items until closing time. Being that I was horribly tired I had no choice but to return home and endure the freezing weather of Beijing and wait until the venue reopened three days later before I could attempt a retrieval. Though the ladies that run the coat-check did not understand a lick of English I was able to communicate through my mad pictionary skills and finally reunite with my sorely missed jacket.

Electric Thievery:
It being quite difficult to find female friends here, a Swedish gal and I decide to join forces and host a "Ladies Night" wherein we would unite our respective girls in a bonding evening of wining and dining. It is no secret how much I adore dinner parties and this prospect of hosting was a source of much merriment and glee. I even went so far as to purchase new lamps from IKEA to create a more welcoming atmosphere in my home. The anticipated day arrived soon enough and I spent the morning and afternoon lounging luxuriously on my couch, comforted by the knowledge that I could afford these moments of relaxation as the meal was already marinading in the fridge, and all that needed doing was a quick clean before the ladies arrived. Just when I was about to begin a last minute tidy the power suddenly shut off! Panicked over the idea of entertaining in the dark, I madly dashed over to the management office to plead my case for emergency power. I was informed it would cost 100rmb (ok) but would also require a 1000rmb deposit (groan). Now I was (and am) notoriously low on funds, thus this request was quite impossible for me to fulfill. I desperately begged for a mercy exemption but was refused quite soundly... this harsh reality of shattered expectations and absolute inability to help myself or "problem-solve" unleashed quite the flooding depth of emotion and I surprised everyone (including myself) by bursting into tears! I'm no bawl-baby (as you well know), but there I stood, tears streaming and sobbing away pitifully until a man, who was waiting behind me, came to my rescue and began to berate the company for their ridiculous policies and he eventually became so enraged over my sorry state that he reached into his own wallet and slammed down 1000rmb on my behalf! (Which of course made me cry all the more!) After thanking him profusely I scampered home to be greeted by the joyous sight of power and managed to quickly clean the apartment (and myself) in time to be ready before the girls arrived. My emotions were quite rattled, and I was sorry to receive them in such a state as the majority of my guests were strangers to me. Those poor ladies were greeted by a tear-streaked face and flustered personage. The evening was salvaged however, and we had a lovely time drinking wine, cooking and communing with each other. My apartment rang with laughter (poor neighbors!) and shrieks over the silly stories being swapped. At that point it seemed as if the day would have a happy ending... but oh no. It was discovered that we all possessed a penchant for dance, so off to the club we went, eager let the "good times roll". I was unfortunate enough to get both my camera and wallet nicked by some light fingered groover. The real tragedy is that for once I was carrying a fair amount of cash and both my Canadian and Chinese bank cards. These sorrowful circumstances had to take a back-burner for a time as the next day was spent furiously battling with the electrical company who had trumped up some charges stating that I owed them 1400rmb, dating from September. These "records" I was not allowed to see... apparently they were "none of my affair". (Bear in mind that you purchase credit to charge a card you place in your meter box - when the money runs out, the power shuts off... thus making it IMPOSSIBLE to OWE money). After the previous day and night I had experienced this truly was the final straw and I sat there stubbornly, alternating screaming with bashing my fists against the table for a good two hours until the charges were finally (thankfully) dropped.

Refugee Status:
The next week was quite a difficult one for me as I confronted the real and total lack of funds - available and incoming - and the reality that no new employment would present itself until after February 20 as most companies here had begun to gear up/wind down for the upcoming Spring Festival (Chinese New Year) and would not be hiring until after the holidays. Now I have not been steadily employed for a few months now and, while I have miraculous survived for quite some time, have truly hit rock bottom and the looming prospect of rent (which still has yet to be paid!), visa renewal, and just general survival were overwhelming and seemingly impossible prospects. I was still unable to access funds as I was no longer in possession of my debit cards and my VISA card required activation by phone, which my landline is incapable of doing and my Skype account needed recharging. But of course to recharge you need a credit card... and here the vicious circle begins. The weekend arrived, and with it the departure of a friend returning to Sweden. I attended his farewell party and had the great misfortune to misplace my keys during the course of the evening. As I had slept-over at Emily's, I did not discover this fact until my return home the next day and the mad rummagings through my bag failed in producing a key. Simon had been working 14 hour days seven days per week, and thus was not at home. I prevailed upon the good graces Emily again, and returned to her home to spend another night (as Simon usually did not return until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning). Monday morning I made sure to contact him early to discover when he would be departing for work, only to receive word that he had been booked into a last minute business trip to Shanghai and was at that moment in the airport about to board his plane and would not be returning for two days. ARRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! This dismal turn of events forced me to couch surf with friends and eventually wander the city improperly attired and clutching a plastic bag of belongings. I had no money, ridiculous red high heels, and next to no protection from the cold. I became so frozen that I lost all muscle dexterity and my hands were incapable of wielding chopsticks. Oh the horror!

Humble Pie:
This accumulation of poor luck has really tested my spirits as I have been forced to live a kuai-less existence. My days have consisted of a meal and a half (oh the joys of ramen) and hibernation. I am rendered near hysterical when I attempt to explain to friends that "back home" I am a capable and functioning human being. Life being what it is now, I struggle in even convincing myself that once upon a time "I had my shit together". Having to constantly admit defeat and accept others' helping hands isn't something I've ever been skilled at. Yet here I seem to be granted ample opportunities to improve in. My deep-rooted control issues are screaming in pain! However, I am doing my darndest to cling onto faith and hope that all will be well. To keep trusting and find peace in this relinquishing of control. I know I am growing, but geeze it's uncomfortable!

Looking Forward...
As odious an experience as 2010 has proven itself to be, I remain optimistic over the change of the lunar year. I strongly suspect my luck is about to shift as the Year of the Tiger (my year!) has dawned and accordingly the "universe" should begin to smile again upon me. For the past few days (and the next week) Beijing has/will sound like a war zone. At all hours, across the city, thousands of fireworks are being lit and set off. Sleep is a futile mission as the outdoors echos with never ceasing blasts and whistles. To wander outdoors during the day is a surreal experience with so many millions returned home for the holiday the streets are scarily empty. The feeling can be likened to a post-rapture world... the smell of sulphur hangs heavily in the air and desolate streets and hutongs are littered with ash and stacks of cardboard rubbish burn randomly along them. Simon has ventured off to Vietnam for a well deserved holiday so I spent the New Year with a small gathering of Swedes. Our mission that evening was to find a worthy location to view the firework display and a great portion of time was dedicated to attempting break-ins on various highrise establishments across town. It was grand giddy fun, dashing about like mischievous children, testing elevators and stairwells. We eventually ended up discovering an open service elevator and counted down the new year with some security guards on a break. It was a magnificent display that triggered fantasies of fairytales. I still feel that magic as I pedal about the city each night, soaking in the magic of the fire and glitter. It's as if I'm living something straight out of a movie... life is so spectacular it hurts at times.

Coffee with Eight-Year-Olds:
Tonight I made my way to Godot, anticipating a cozy evening curled up with coffee and a good read. I had just settled myself into a table when a young girl approached me, sat opposite and began chatting away furiously. Rather than irritate me, I was greatly amused and appreciated her company immensely. A while later she was joined by a friend and under the amused glances of their parents (who were only too happy to have their daughters practicing English) we proceeded to dialogue, draw pictures, and sing songs in Spanish. I learned that every food cries when you eat it, that it's only kind to eat yourself, and the best kind of coffee has strawberry smoothie and hot peach juice mixed in. (The girls were "thoughtful" enough to add these ingredients to my coffee whenever I wasn't paying attention). The evening was highly entertaining and we spent nearly three hours together during which they consumed one pizza (which apparently cried), three smoothies, and two hot peach drinks, while I sipped slowly on my "delicious" strawberry/peach/coffee. It's moments like these that help give me perspective on life and re-establish the true joy it is to live here. Even at it's bleakest moments, to live a life of unexpected tea-parties and nights of riding through shooting stars and glittery explosions, Beijing is not so bad.

Wishing you all a great "Year of the Tiger"!

P.S. Here is the best (to date) CNY text I have received from an old student...

may you are healthy and athletic and powerful and active and smart, just like a wild tiger does in the real natural in both your life and your career in the coming year of Tiger... miss you... hope you better and better... :-) ^-^ miss you so much ^-^ :-) ... steven zhou

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Comments

[Josevich]

LOL
lovely read. makes me thankful "i have my shit together". i would have given you some cash had i seen you wandering aimlessly with messy hair (as i imagined) and red high heels!