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Have you read Part II yet? If not, click here for Part II. 020c - Cambodia - Siem Reap Part III
05/28/08 - 05/31/08
Recovery: Compassion, Corruption, and Closure
written by Hannah
Compassion Envision the following. We are at the bottom of the mountain of Kbal Spean, a temple site in rural Cambodia, trying to sort out what had just happened, while at the same time, explaining the incident to the non-English speaking ambulance crew from the International Hospital, the Tourist Police, and the Criminal Police. Nico and I are exhausted, having administered non-stop CPR for the last hour and a half (our bodies were sore for the next 3 days from the physical exertion), and Leslie (Star's wife) is still in a daze trying to cope with the loss of her otherwise healthy husband of almost 30 years. We're surrounded by people, mainly local Cambodians, that aren't sure of what happened to Star or what we were doing to him before he died (CPR isn't commonly taught in Cambodia).
My heart is breaking for Leslie, who is crying and in shock. They were traveling together and now she's alone in a developing country surrounded by people that don't
speak English. The ambulance starts getting ready to go back to the hospital with Leslie and Star's body. What do we do? Do we say good-bye and wish her the best and say we're sorry about your loss but good luck to you, and carry on with our day? We barely know this person; we've never spoken to her, we don't know her name, we don't know anything about her. Still, she's alone in a developing foreign country and is about to go through one of the toughest times in her life. I ask/insist that we go with her at least until we get to the hospital. We all hop in the ambulance and head to the International hospital. Incidentally, the ride back is unnecessarily stressful because the driver decides to go over 100 km/hr on roads designed to go about 50 km/hr on. I guess he liked using the siren or something.
In hindsight, our decision to stick with Leslie was the right thing to do, and both Nico and I are genuinely glad to have done so. Even if we didn't know this person, she needed someone to be there for her, and we were the ones.
Afterwards, we would comment that God had put us there on that mountain to serve a purpose: to help this lady deal with her loss during the coming whirlwind days and make sure she made it back safe to her family in the States. We were on that mountain at that exact time and that exact place for a reason.
For this reason, our plans for the next couple of days changed: we would dedicate our time to taking care of Leslie, helping her with all of the red tape (this in and of itself was incredibly challenging), and making sure she got back to the States as soon as possible. This became our goal. This would be our project.
Corruption Leslie was staying at the Raffles Grand Hotel de Angkor. This is the nicest hotel in the greater Siem Reap area and is utterly amazing. It's a five star hotel that used to be part of the grounds of the Cambodian parliament. The senior staff of the hotel was immensely helpful (the manager actually met us at the hospital) and made it their job to help us out as much as possible. This was truly a blessing,
and I give genuine credit to them for going above and beyond what was expected.
That first afternoon was a blur. At the hospital, Leslie was asked to sign some documents. The American Embassy was contacted, but unfortunately it is located in Phnom Penh and there is no office in Siem Reap. Afterwards, we went back to the hotel and I stayed with Leslie in her room while Nico gave a written statement to the hotel that was used for the initial police report. Leslie started making the dreaded phone calls home and we agreed to meet up the next morning to see how she was. It was difficult to process something like this and we both called and spoke to our moms for guidance. Needless to say, we didn't get much sleep and there were a few tears that night.
The next day we sat down with Leslie and the hotel management and wrote out all of the tasks that needed to be completed and how to go about them. Keep in mind, Nico and I are both project managers back in the 'real' world and we thrive on having a well laid plan. I volunteered to
be the liaison and act on Leslie's behalf.
According to the initial communication from the American Embassy, we needed to provide them with the following documentation: the original police report, the civil death certificate from the Commune office, the body release form from the International Hospital, and the cremation certificate. Once we handed them all of this documentation, and only then, would they issue Leslie a US death certificate that would allow for Star to be repatriated back to the United States. Everything had to be in its original form, no copies allowed! Sound easy? Maybe back in States. In Cambodia, this was a monumental task!
The hotel provided an interpreter and a car to go with me and collect all this paperwork. His name was Chheath, and without him it would have been impossible. What I found very quickly was the disparity in what the Embassy required and what the Cambodians provided. Let me give you a brief rundown of some Cambodian structure. There are 4 groups of police: Tourist, Immigration, Provincial and Criminal. There are 3 levels of hospitals: private, NGO, and Provincial. And there is only one committee who can sign off on the death
certificate which is made up of 5 members - one from each police group and one from the Provincial hospital.
First we tried to collect the Civil Death Certificate. There are multiple Commune offices and we couldn't find out which one might have the death certificate, so we went to the Provincial Hospital (one level higher than Commune) instead. I wish I could show you a picture of how dilapidated this 'hospital' was. People were sitting and lying on the floor, all open air rooms with various people hooked up to IV's, flies and dirt everywhere. We finally found the admin office just as they were leaving for lunch (11:00 am). After 20 min of dialog Chheath told me they have no idea what we're talking about, that the Provincial doctor who is on the committee is in Vietnam and won't be back until Monday to sign the death certificate. The day before at the International Hospital we were told that the Provincial doctor was on his way to inspect the body but no one knew the person's name. The admin ladies told us we had to have the name before they could look into it and would be
back from lunch around 2:30 pm.
Chheath and I went to the International Hospital to find the doctor's name and collect the Police Report. Although they were very nice, the didn't know the name of the doctor who came yesterday... and they only had a copy of the police report. Chheath called the Tourist police and asked them to meet us at the hotel.
When we got to the hotel the Immigration police and the Tourist police were waiting. The story I understood after an hour of discussion in Khmer (Cambodian language) was that the doctor on the committee was out of town but had sent someone at the hospital that could act as a representative. The police were having a hard time getting him to sign the certificate because he was not the committee member. In the mean time, the Criminal police had arrived and started re-writing the 'original' police report from the copy the International hospital provided. Chheath was negotiating with the Tourist police who were helping to arrange the cremation and transport of the body to the temple where the cremation could be done. The price was a nice round $500 US dollars. We all knew that this was an extravagant amount (for Cambodian standards) and was no doubt going to be divided up by the cops and doctors. It was 2:30 PM at this point and the Immigration police informed me that the officer who was trying to collect the death certificate was not available for the rest of the day - the King of Malaysia was coming in town and was also staying at Raffles Grand Hotel.
They asked for the money in order to start arrangements for the cremation at 4:00 pm. All I could think of was what if the body was cremated and we didn't have the death certificate - they could turn around and say there was no evidence and not give one at all! I said no money would be given until the Civil Death Certificate was in our hands. There was more talk in Khemer and they were obviously not happy about that. I collected the new 'original' police report and went to check on Leslie and Nico.
The Embassy called to see how things were going and I gave them a brief rundown. They were quite upset and felt like we were getting the run-around and offered to make a call to someone in the police at Siem Reap. I offered to fax what documentation we had (all written in Khmer) and went to the business center. Chheath found me and said the police were at the hospital and we needed to go straight away. I asked why we needed to do this but he said he didn't know, just that they needed us to go there. It sounded pretty sketchy, and when we showed up it was even more so. Four men were standing outside, the two tourist police I had been dealing with earlier in the day and two older guys wearing regular clothes with gold jewelry and tattoos...mafia maybe? Everyone was angry and Chheath told me that the American Embassy had called the Tourist police and made accusations that they were charging too much for the process and were unnecessarily delaying the cremation. They also said that Leslie didn't need the civil certificate of death (even though they had previously told us that this was necessary).
I started groveling, telling them I had no idea what the embassy was talking about, they were the ones who told us we needed the certificate!! I promised to call the Embassy and straighten it all out, apologizing profusely for their obvious ignorance. Then the other two gentlemen started to speak and I could tell by Chheath's face it wasn't good. They wanted me to tell them what happened on the mountain so I did (in English) and asked who they were. Apparently this was a doctor from the Provincial hospital and he wanted to examine the body. Doctor? This guy looked more like a gangster than a doctor!
He examined the body and when he was done I begged him to sign the certificate. He said he couldn't, the Criminal police had to write the document. He also wanted to speak to Leslie. I felt like an over protective mama bear! I made the guy promise that he would sign the certificate by tomorrow so Leslie could go home! He gave a nod and we all went to the hotel. When we sat down, he started asking weird questions, like if Star had hit his head or had any head problems. We found out the written statement was incorrect and added things Leslie didn't say. We were all scared this guy was going to insist on doing an autopsy which would delay her even longer. They kept asking questions and finally Leslie said the right thing: “My husband didn't always tell me everything, he didn't tell me how much pain he was in.” This made all the men look at each other, and only a few more questions were asked. Apparently that held more credence than all of our testimonies. We pressed again to have the certificate signed by the morning and went back to her room. Leslie sent us to get dinner and then home - everyone was exhausted.
Nico and I arrived at the hotel around 8AM the next day and we all went to get a bite to eat. Someone came and got Leslie and I - the police were here with the death certificate!
Closure Once the death certificate was signed we went to the International hospital to collect and transport the body to the temple (Wat Damnak) for cremation. It wasn't what you would imagine. Although the International hospital is nice, they didn't use a stretcher, they slid him out of the cold box (a human sized metal freezer), draped a white cloth on him that didn't quite cover his head or feet, and put him onto a backboard. Six men carried him up the ramp and into the dilapidated ambulance which was supplied by the provincial hospital.
When we arrived at the crematorium (in front of Wat Damnak) Star's body was already laying in front of a small table. Men were wrapping him in white cloth. Four monks came and were seated to the side and Leslie was led to the small table and given incense. A sweet young woman came to see what was happening and sat next to her, lighting her own incense and praying. The ceremony was beautiful and brief: men and monks chanting in low monotone sounds - one calling, the others answering. When it was completed the monks left and the men picked up Star's body and placed it in the furnace... he was lit by incense and they closed the door. We were asked to come back in 2 hours to collect the ashes.
Once back at the hotel, Nico and the hotel staff worked furiously to find Leslie the shortest flight home that was leaving that night. Nico found a perfect itinerary: she could leave at 7:30 pm and be home in 32 hours with no overnight stops...they booked it. Another question we were throwing around this whole time is what should be used to transport Star's remains back to the US? The hotel had graciously purchased a locally made silver ornamental pumpkin to serve as an urn, but Leslie didn't want to draw attention by having a large metal object to carry through security. Stars ashes were nicely wrapped in white cloth that fit into her backpack.
The management and hotel staff that had helped gave their last condolences and a limo was waiting to take her to the airport. Nico and I accompanied her, this was project completion - hand off - sending her home with her husband to her own family and support structure. We all cried. There are so many emotions Nico and I felt at that time; remorse that a life was taken so early, sadness that two had become one, scared that it could have been one of our family members, thankful that we have each other, and grateful that we were able to help.
I've wondered so many times what it would be like if you didn't have the assistance of a wealthy hotel, an accountable interpreter, or someone to act on your behalf... what would we do if it was one of us? A good friend of mine challenged me before we left to think of tough situations we may encounter... but this one never occurred to either of us. One of the many things Nico and I have in common is our deep sense of gratitude for everything we have... this experience definitely deepened that feeling.
Before boarding the plane, Leslie gave us a long emotional hug and and asked us to live every moment to the fullest. After all, you never know what's going to happen. Amen to that.
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Chris A
non-member comment
Deepest respect
Touched by your entry and I have the deepest respects for your charity. Live life to the fullest.