The Skeleton City

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We lived in a small mining town and our closest city with all the usual amenities was Rustenburg. Again, we have an abundance of memories from our time here, not the least of which was attending a local church. It was housed in a beautiful old house with a dungeon beneath. I can still remember the smell of that dungeon and I was always scared that I would accidentally be forgotten down there one day. The children's program was often held there, perhaps because it was so quiet. It was amazingly cold which was a welcome relief on hot days. The house was surrounded by trees including a mulberry bush where we would pick leaves for silk worms. The tree also provided a great climbing structure for us all. There was also an avocado tree and I always looked forward to the fruiting season because my mother would make avocado sandwiches.

Today, we visit Rustenburg for the first time in 31 years and aside from the old house and some other churches, the only evidence of our memories are the skeletons of the buildings and businesses we once knew. The streets are littered, there are massive piles of rubbish and the crowds are alarming. Just breathe... I close my eyes for a moment. Too many memories... I wonder if someone without my history would feel like this. My anxiety builds when we are trying to drive through traffic and are completely surrounded by people. They are so close they rub up against the car. Most ignore us but some look very unhappy that we are here. We have to just push our way through the crowds and I ask what would happen if we hurt someone. The answer isn't 100% certain but in some areas the suggestion is to not stop. That night I have a nightmare about accidentally running over a small black child and leaving it's mother screaming for help. Not a nice way to wake up and the feeling of angst stays with me. I don't want to drive through areas like that again.

We drive past our old church. The building is one of the few that has been well maintained but it is on a much smaller parcel of land and those familier trees are no longer there. I recall some of my memories that were made here and there are many. The one that comes to mind is from when I was about 3 or 4 years old. I spoke very late as a child and language had always confounded me. My mother had asked me to hand around a plate of biscuits. Most people took a biscuit, smiled and said "thank you". I then came to an older woman sitting by herself and her response was "no, thank you". My literal mind interpreted this as "no yes" because everyone who had taken a biscuit had said "thank you" which I had assigned to the meaning of "yes". So I stood in front of her in a state of complete confusion trying to work out whether she would take a biscuit or not. After a while she became quite distressed at this young child staring at her and kept repeating "no think you". Eventually one of my sisters had to pull me away saying "she doesn't want one!" And so I learnt that "no think you" means no!

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