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Published: January 21st 2010
Zombie Cucumber
It's actually a hallucinogenic drug...The vibe in Mozambique was completely different from the Africa we'd visited so far. The Portuguese influence was still so visible and even the capital, Maputo, felt like we were in South America somewhere. The countryside was more barren than Malawi but this just added to the diversity of this Nation.
Our first stop in Mozambique was Tete, the hottest place in the entire country. On arrival, finding a place to stay was an issue. It was outrageously expensive. After inquiring at a $99per night hotel, they listed us “cheap” places to stay. The first being one of the worst hotels (can I even call it a hotel?) I've ever ever truly ever seen....ever! At $30 per night we would have been blessed with a twin room with heavily sunken beds... as if an elephant had stayed. A bathroom that contained no water in the toilet and when I used the tap in the sink the plug hole in the bath filled up and what came oozing out was indescribable. Now initially we'd checked in knowing this was going to be the best deal. We both were tired, sweaty and very dusty again and at this stage anything should really
have sufficed. Sadly I turned to my 'not so well' girl and said, “Darling...? There is no way on Gods Earth that we're staying in this hole of *@?&!!! Gather your things, we're leaving!”.
We stormed down the stairs and I slammed the key down on the reception desk. In the Queens best English I informed the Manager, “I'm not staying in this place another moment. It's f'ing disgusting”.With that we turned on our heals and headed proudly, yet homeless, out of the door. I would assume the Manager was a little stunned.
We managed to find a place to stay just out of the centre of town called Sundowners. This was run by South Africans and was a god send. Although $40 per night and throwing our accommodation budget through the window, we had a hot shower, a TV and for the first time A/C. It really is tough traveling through Africa. It's not all beaches and sunshine and being clean and a hotel room with all the amenities... It's tough and takes it out of you but how else would you see this Earth of ours?
We washed up, put on our finest frocks and
A Chapas...
Maximum 18.... to 30 headed out into the bar/ restaurant. They had an extensive menu mostly large portions of meat cooked and prepared in various ways. I had the tastiest Scotch Beef and mash I'd ever had and Zuzana had Pork Ribs with Mash. A dinner that has yet to be equaled as it was just soooo damn good. The SAFs' really know what to do with their meat... can I say that?
We had such a lovely evening and had decided to leave the next morning for Vilanculos on the coast, about 1200kms away. In the morning we thanked the Manager and headed to get the bus. Sadly the bus that day had already left. All buses to Maputo leave at 3am. Not knowing this we were in a pickle as the cheapest accommodation we could find was this Sundowners at $40per night. However, the bus company said we could bring our luggage and sleep on the bus that night. This would save on accommodation so we decided to do that. On returning back to Sundowners, the owners who had seen us leave welcomed us back again, a little surprised. We told them of our predicament and then spent the day there
playing cards and watching the Cricket on Sky. At 5pm we decided to leave and get to the bus before it got dark at 5:30pm. We collected our bags from the bar and were just about to leave when the owner asked where we were heading. I told him of our bad fortune and the night on the bus and he literally ripped my rucksack from me and told me, “You're not staying on that bus tonight, you're staying here!”
I replied “That's kind of you but we can't really afford it.”
“Look, you stayed here last night, you've eaten dinner, breakfast and lunch here so we call that payment. You've paid for one night so you can get the second night free, I have a single room you can use. I'll make sure you're accompanied to the bus stop in the morning so don't worry about that. Just go and put your things in room 1, shower up and come to dinner”.
I was stunned. I told Zuzana who was surprised to see me without our backpacks and I swear I almost saw a tear. The amazing force that hits you like a train when someone selflessly offers an
Nuts
$2 for 1Kg arm of refuge is overwhelming. I almost kissed the guy. He could have been in his mid-fifties, mustache and a slightly balding head of hair but had a friendly face and a heart, well hidden, but the size of a boulder. So we showered and had another amazing feed. We sat with the owners and they bought us some drinks and we watched a Rugby match together. We went to bed about 9pm and thanked the owner full heartedly before retiring.
Sure enough, at 2:30am, someone was there to escort us to the bus station in town. We got on the bus and started a grueling 17hr trip to Vilanculos. The bus did break down but was fixed within half an hour by the driver and the conductor. That was something that was a real positive. They wouldn't just give up, they went through structured testing to see where this issue was and then with what tools they had they fixed it and the wonderful thing is that they all do it. They fix anything. On arrival in Vilanculos we took an open pickup truck, under an exquisitely starlit sky, to a place called Zombie Cucumber where we once
Bus Broke'd
There was smoke.... lots! again showered and freshened up. In the morning we were greeted with a beautiful coastline but the water was just too far away to get in so we organized a boat trip that would take us over to the reef, about 2miles offshore, to snorkel with the fishy wishies. The day before we played at pirates, we took a brisk walk into the very small but very quaint little town of Vilanculos. Having spoken to our fellow dormers who had been close to a mugging and chased by the oh so friendly locals, we were keen to explore. Well armed with a clip round the ear for anyone eager to rub me up the wrong way we set off to the “Tourist Information Centre”. Because we have discovered that I do now have a “not to be messed with side”. It just needed a little taming at this stage, like a child that has recently found its voice.
We arrived at the Information centre. Finally, someone who actually has knowledge of the area, bus times, phone numbers it was something we considered so special at the time. We walked in, keen for any information.
“Welcome, welcome come in come
Washing Needed
We got so so dirty on these long bus rides in”, this eager voice requested. We walked in, pamphlets and tour brochures everywhere. An information desk and he even had a computer.. that could be turned on at the switch of button.
“So what can you tell us about Vilanculos?”,
“Well, are you going on a boat trip to the Archipelagos?”
“Yes we are.”
“Good, Good. Well you could also”, he started flipping through his pamphlets but wasn't being too specific, “ and you could probably.... and then maybe you go.... and there's also...... (sigh). Nope, there really is nothing too do here except the boat trip.”
Brilliant. The first and only tourist information centre in the whole of East Africa and the gentleman, though pleasant, knew pretty much the square root of a banana. Shame.
So the next day we went on the boat trip with a Spanish couple and indeed it was a lovely trip. We were collected as promised at 8am by a gent in a lovely 1960 VW Beetle who drove us the whole 17ft to the beach on which we boarded the vessel/ dhow. We had fantastic weather and the snorkeling on the reef was beautiful. Some incredible fish with such a mix of colour.
We were completely absorbed for an hour or so. The current gently took us back to the boat where we enjoyed some pirate cuisine, which was cooked on the boat above a massive fire that should have really sunk the ship! Later we took an after dinner swim and then an afternoon stroll on the beach. Imagine seeing the perfect beach in a Holiday Brochure and then put me in my “James Bond'esque” bathers with harpoon gun and add an exotic Slovak love interest......BOSH! There's your image!
We spent 2nights in Vilanculos before heading south to Tofu.... yep... Tofu as in the vegetarian meat substitute. We arrived in town and got ourselves a place at Fatimas Nest, some basic beach huts by the sea. Well what a lovely beach Tofu was. Not as paradisaical as the Archipelagos were but one could take lovely walks with ones other one and the water was a lot closer than in Vilanculous. Here, we met a really unexpectedly cool guy called Henry and on the first night we, all three, went to dinner at a very local place called Black and White. It had been recommended by an old friend of ours we
Jules
We have a friend called Jules. She is depicted in boat form here. met in Malawi (as you do) and was a tenth of the price compared to all the other restaurants Tofu had to offer. The food was really good and surprisingly none of us were put off by the rats that ran out of the kitchen and along the bamboo constructed walls. The three of us ate well and we got to know Henry. He was a very dry nonchalant, unassuming kind of guy but just had us in stitches with some of the things he'd say. We enjoyed spending time with him. After dinner Z and I took a nice romantic walk along the beach in the moonlight, we were really enjoying our time in Mozambique together.
Tofu is famous for its dive sites and there was a very comprehensive dive school near Fatima's that were offering Whale Shark dives/ snorkeling. We went in to inquire about the snorkeling and sadly they'd not seen a shark for 5days. It would cost us about $60 and we thought the risk, of not seeing one wouldn't be worth it. However, one of the divers said that we're even more likely not to see one from the shore but there is always
a chance. Sod it. We payed up and went the same day.
Oh my lord what a buzz. Z and I got all wet-suited up and headed down to the beach. The boat was a Jet-Dingy that seats about 30people. Firstly, it was beached so we needed to turn it around and walk it into the ocean but it was so heavy. At least 20 of us worked so hard to launch it. Zuzana and the girls were at the back and the boys were at the front. Meter by meter we hauled the boat, reluctantly, into the ocean. The waves smashed and crashed us all over the place. Z and the girls were first to leap on board graciously. A few more meters and we're about 4ft deep so the boys jumped up, flailing with no style, face first onto the deck. The pilot launched us at full power into the oncoming 10-13ft swell and we crashed through it, motoring on, until we were in the calm of the open ocean. The hunt had begun. Within 5minutes cries of “GET IN AND LOOK DOWN!!” reverberated through the rubber exterior of the vessel and we all, in no-style at
all, fall off the boat donning our snorkels and flippers and “look down!” It was a pod of 6dolphins and a manta ray about 4m across. A monster of a fish. After getting back onto the boat we were off very swiftly in search of Clarence the Whale shark and his brood. We had 2more dives and saw more dolphins but sadly no whale shark and after all the adrenaline had worn off we both inconveniently remembered how bad we had become on boat trips. We drifted and dawdled on the water for what seemed to be an eternity. Me with my head in my hands and Zuzana gradually getting worse as the ride went on. But we made to the re-beaching of Sputnik which was also a massive rush. Both 250cc Boat engines roared into action 100ft from the sand and we plough at full speed onto the beach using the sand as a brake! “Truly awesome dude”, would be a statement worthy of the event. It was unreal!
We left Tofu and both agreed it had been lovely lovely. Our next stop was in the capital, Maputo.
This city really did have that Portuguese vibe. The only
way I can describe it having not been to Brazil would be exactly as I see Rio only without Christ on a hill. We spent 2nights here and really enjoyed it. We had some nice meals and it was clear that the further south we were heading the more developed the world was becoming. We took a really long walk to see the town proper like. There was a very colonial feel to it. Some beautiful buildings and architecture and there had just been an “arts” festival the previous weekend so there were many posters and some exhibitions taking place.
We had breakfast in a wee cafe that served some amazing chicken rolls and some fantastic coffee and watched the world go buy. It's really an enjoyable past-time of ours and there's so much extra you can see if you just take a few hours to sit and watch. The streets of Maputo were always busy with goods being bought and sold all over the place. At one point I had a chance to buy a real Rolex watch for $50.. I know $50!!! I can be such a patronizing tool times and this was one of those moments.
He didn't spend much time with me after that and I think he was quite ashamed of his, what must have been Daewoo, mock time piece. On our little tour we navigated our way through the windy streets, through open parks over looking the bay and past the Presidents enclosure that was heavily guarded. We managed to take some time to visit the Natural History Museum. It was quite a sad little place but had such great exhibits. We spent about 3hrs there as the displays were real stuffed animals that you could, security being completely unaware, touch, walk around and even take some rather comical pictures with the various beasties. It was one of the only museums in the world to contain all the stages, month by month, of preserved elephant fetuses.
We also did just a little bit of shopping in Maputo as some of the craftsmanship was just superb and we got hooked on the scent of sandalwood. We wanted to get a few mementos from our trip but we went nuts. We purchased about $300 worth of glorious artifacts and masks. The most precious being a buffalo hide wooden drum.
We were dining in
a Thai restaurant, contemplating and reviewing the items we had just purchased with pride and admiration, as they are all smashing, when we saw something bouncing by behind the hedge just outside our restaurant. We were spotted by the carrier of said drum and he calls over. “You want to buy?”, he cries.
“No no, but we will take a look”, we reply. Looking is free as every African will tell you.
He brought round this enormous chunk of wood, we're talking 100cmx50cmx50cm and places is it proudly at our feet. Wow! He'd carved the drum from one single piece of wood. Intricate designs covered this spider web of art and at the heart was a map of Africa, each country delicately labeled. The feet were of elephant and lion design and even the elephants had tusks. It was beautiful.
“Tell me kind fellow, this musical masterpiece that you have so lovingly created, spent time on and put your heart and soul into, what would be the damage to ones wallet?”
“Eh?”
“How much is your drum mate?”
It turned out that he wanted 8000MTC, about £180 for it. We took a serious look and fell in love with it.
Fisherman
Fishing on the Flats After ten minutes we dismissed (very cutting) the craftsman but said we'd meet again the next day with a decision. This drum debate went on into the early hours with various people at our dorms getting involved. The following day we decided to buy it.
We met them at the same place and managed to purchase said musical instrument for 4500MTC (£100) and that included another smaller drum. We were absolutely overjoyed and so was the artist. He'd taken a month of his life to make this along with all the other wooden trinkets and sculptures and he was really pleased to have sold it. We took his details down and vowed to stay in touch. If getting the drum home was easy, we may be in touch again. We bought him a drink and he was able to help us find a massive box to pack it in to send it from South Africa.
The next morning we traveled with two Canadians, who we've grown very close to having spent so much time with them, Kevin and Emily, to Nelspruit in South Africa. We had packed our drum and surrounded it with a soiled mattress that our
accommodation had allowed us to tear into pieces. We placed it delicately in the cargo hold on the coach and were told by many people that we wouldn't be able to get it across the border. The border control never looked and before we knew it we were in South Africa, drum in tow...
“Now, how to get the bloody thing home...?”
NB. We're still in India and only have 8days left until we fly to Singapore then Thailand.
Love to all
Columbus & Scott
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SammieJ
non-member comment
Regarding the Drums
Hey guys, Just thought that i would let you know that you should send the drum and any other wooden artifacts that you pick up on your travels home BEFORE you hit Australian customs as very often they are confiscated. I have attached a link http://www.daff.gov.au/aqis/travel/entering-australia/cant-take Read the bit on Plant Materials. Also anything that resembles a weapon my be taken from you. You may be able to have customs hold the items for you until you depart Austrlia, but as you will be flying out of a diff state that wont work. I would hate to think that you would loose your special momentos