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Published: November 23rd 2007
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What up, G?
Well, only two weeks to go for us here, so we thought we'd give you a bit of a summary of our time in Kilifi/Kenya:
Popular myths I’ve had to dispel this year
1. I am not dating my sister.
2. My sister is not my mother.
3. I am not the mother of a black man.
4. I am not the sister of a black man.
5. I do not have sweets.
6. I also do not have shillings (well, not that I’ll give you).
7. Yes, we eat rice in Australia.
8. No, I don’t want to go to a snake park.
The rules of Kenya (Katherine put hers in a very nice order…but I’m clearly too lazy for that, so you’ll have to deal with it)
1. If something is worth doing, it must be done by at least two people (preferably holding hands for increased dexterity and efficiency).
2. Pole pole (slowly slowly)… never hurry… especially when cooking dinner. A meal should never be ready in less than 90 minutes. The ideal time is three hours.
3. Speak in the plural (‘hellos,’ ‘welcomes’) when greeting more than one person,
Sleeptime
Dennis and Mungatia looking very comfy... as is done in Swahili.
4. When talking about yourself, say ‘Me, I….’ as is done in Swahili.
5. Welcome every mzungu you see, even if you’ve seen them 100 times before and you know they live here.
6. Drive on the wrong side of the road to avoid pot holes. Drive on the wrong side of the road coming back the other way too.
7. Taxis will not get to Nairobi Airport without being stopped at least twice to pay bribes to on-duty policemen.
8. Welcome people for dinner that you have never seen before. Welcome them to weddings too. Welcome them to come and visit you if they are ever in your town again.
9. Just welcome.
10. Hold hands with your friends when you walk down the street (but only if they are of the same gender to you).
11. If someone asks for a vodka and red bull, assume they mean they want a whole bottle of vodka.
12. Punch-ons are ok, as long as it’s a girl being punched. If a boy is the target, lock the puncher in the cell.
13. Having tinted windows in your car is punishable by a day in jail.
14. Sing while you are working. Or walking. Or just hanging. Sing all the time, regardless of your talents. God songs are good.
15. Always squeal when excited. Or even if you are not. Especially if you are a man.
16. Ask people who’ve been on holidays where they’ve been lost.
17. Drinks must be poured at least until they reach the rim of the glass, preferably overflowing (=Kenyan pour).
18. Always repeat back what someone has said to you, after every sentence.
19. Say the words ‘just’, ‘imagine’ and ‘even me’ often.
20. Drinks such as beer and sodas will be served warm unless cold is specifically asked for.
21. Nothing is ever really broken. Even things that look like they should have reached the tip years ago can, and will, be fixed.
22. The correct answer to ‘how are you?’ is ‘fine’ (or any variation of fine including ‘fine fine’, ‘very fine’ and ‘extremely fine’), not well or good and certainly not anything negative.
23. Public spitting is ok. Nose-picking is fine too.
Top Names of Kenya
1. Physics
2. Geography
3. Desire (for a man)
4. Boniface
5. Paradis (no e)
6. Berry
Gabriel
My new best friend...he's only been at Upendo for the last month or so 7. Boys’ names such as Justin, with an -e on the end (for reasons unknown).
8. Kiti (means ‘chair’ in Swahili)
9. Trogan (pronounced Trojan)
10. Shadrack
*Days of the week score an honourable mention too…
Top songs in Kilifi (guaranteed to be heard at least once a day)
1. Lady in red - Chris De Burgh
2. Nobody wanna see us together - Akon
3. Anything by Westlife
4. Anything by Celine Dion
5. Anything by Britney
6. Anything by Boyz II Men
7. Banjuka tu (trans. Shake your booty)
8. More than words - Extreme
9. Hips Don’t Lie - Shakira
10. I don’t want to dance (dance with you baby no more) - Eddy Grant
11. Shaky, shaky, shaky - Kids at Upendo
And i suppose i better leave the time we got arrested until we get home...
love,
b xoxo
P.S. Yes, finally got some photographic evidence of the Yeti
P.P.S. Sorry, the photos go over two pages again.
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