Published: April 8th 2012April 8th 2012 Below is a Note I had written on my FaceBook page without a lot of fanfare. I am certain that it got lost amongst all the many things I post, but I am just fine with that. I knew that whomever needed to see it, would. And just as that post was a self-indulgent type of release... I suppose this one is too. :) Let me preface this with saying that I am in a much better space with all of this right now. I just thought maybe those of you who are following this blog may want to know why I have been away. Matters of the heart just take precedence, you know? xx Sue Divine
This is the original location of the Isis Temple
"I posted briefly the other night when I broke off an engagement with a most beautiful man. I posted again a few days later about the intensity of the relationship I went through - about 1 week from start to finish! Who knew that the feelings could be so strong in such a short amount of time??? I suppose I did, on some level. ;)
Anyway, I posted those comments only briefly and then removed them. I guess
Row of Sphinxes
Me and My Sphinx Buddy
I felt a little awkward baring something so personal in such a public space.
But my heart is bruised and it is crying out for support and nurturing. And being 'secretive' or 'selective' or whatever the right word is about who knows is just too difficult.
I never thought I would be the kind of person who denied myself love. When I would watch all those silly love dramas where the person would say, "I love you but I can't be with you" I would shake my head and think that if they loved the person and wanted to be with them, they just SHOULD and let the experience unfold the way it was meant to.
And yet, here I am, denying myself a rich, deep love that has enormous past life weight. Why? The simple reason is that my heart is telling me that we came together for this brief time to help each other heal in some ways and then move on to our true loves.
I saw him today, for the first time since I broke it off. He walked up unexpectedly and my heart skipped a beat and I know my face lit up! I literally had to look away because I didn't want to look at him with too much love.
Isn't that strange? It felt strange. For someone who chooses to surround herself with people she can only be real around... well, it felt odd. And yet it fit too. Like an old pattern of self-denial.
Gawd, he is SOOOO beautiful!!! And I have such a deep, deep love for him! And it doesn't help that he is incredibly sad too and I can feel his energies wherever I am.
I feel so sad sometimes. And at the same time, my heart is happy because I know I made the right decision. Hmmm...
"Give it time" I am hearing. In two weeks I will supposedly know for certain, even though I am about 95% sure right now, for a multitude of reasons which are mostly logical. If it wasn't for the small, hidden, peaceful feeling in my heart, I might just doubt everything I think I know.
Okay. I don't know that I am looking for responses, although they are welcome. I just needed to write this.
Thanks to all who read and send love and blessings to those who have felt or are feeling something similar.
Love to you!