Courtesy Laughs in the Ivory Coast

OCTOBER 2007

Well hello there…just had one of the strangest..most beautiful weeks of my life..and im going to tell you all about it…



Last Tuesday..to be exact..i was extremely worried that I would not get a visa to ivory coast because I had been in that stupid embassy about 9 times…sometimes my fault…but mostly theirs…closed..then don't accept applications..something wrong with my passport..not enough pictures..so just understand nina huffing and puffing..most of the time ive been out the night before and 8 hours at work just is not appealing…but neither is sitting at an embassy waiting for it to open either..…and its really hot..i mean really hot..…oh well I got to get out of the office a bit…my office is airconditioned though which is not the case in the embassy….anyhoo…david and nils..my bodyguards decided to leave on Wednesday for the beach resort instead of Tuesday so they kindly waited until midday Wednesday for moi to get my visa…and then we were off..

packed the only clothes that were not that dirty…well okay the ones that I only had worn once already..and threw on a bikini….and off we go to catch the bus…ofcourse since everything takes time (small small) here we wait an hour and a half..to catch a bus to takoradi..5 hours..LORD HELP ME..we were adviced not to take cameras or ipods because everyone steals ivory coast…(not true but we don't know because we didn't have anything to steal) to go this beach resort (in Ghana) called the green turtle which is famous for spotting sea turtles so after squeezing into already overcrowded cars and driving on bumpy, sandy, muddy roads..through small villages we arrive..and its night…and we have just missed dinner..and happy hour…and there are no rooms…what does this mean…oh yes..small tents on the beach…so we decide to skip dinner..well didn't really have a choice..and start on the beers..

Soon after we began we were attacked by mosquitos…thankfully (or so it seems) a man comes out of no where and tells us he has spotted a turtle..ofcourse we had no idea that the turtle was about a 30 minute walk away…but I cant complain because we were on a beach with the moonlight…and I had two guys (wink) (joke if this is my parents reading) but the ocean was warm...so we finally arrive only to have the man kicking and turning the turtle on its back trying desperately to crawl back to the sea…then wanting us to PAY to see this abuse..wow…what a shock to the system…so we stomp back and go to bed…

then waking up we had an English breakfast…beans..toast…and eggs..actually I got musli so I just tried to steal some of their food…then beach..sun..books…waves all day…excellent lunch followed by ping pong…which I almost beat everyone but I just let them win because I know how guys get sensitive about that…and I had a week left…………….so the next day same procedure…but these days we didn't forget the happy hour…met a couple who were driving all around Africa…just cuz they could…dutch ofcourse..but it sounded amazing apart from the fact that 4 of the countries are going through a civil war…then on Saturday morning..because we are the laziest people on earth we left at eleven for ivory coast…with tom…the owner of the beach resort that is from England and decided to open up a resort in the bush and raise a baby…in the back of his jeep..obviously it needed to start raining…but we were on our way…

we got to the border fine..in a tro tro (20 people squeezed into a family van thing) ofcourse it smells…ofcourse we are so stupid to travel during the hottest part of the day…meaning sunburn on one arm..HOT..…we all have mustaches of sweat..mmmmmmm..im not going to talk about the rest of the body but you can just imagine…then we get a taxi…but apparently a 4th MAN decides to sit in the back…I don't know how they do it..but cars in Africa can take 9 people…yes actually I do know…no concept of space…so we reach the border…and voila..purrrrrfect no problems with Ghana…walk across this creeeepy bridge where I felt like I was in heart of darkness or something…just jungle and brown water…walking on a bridge in sweltering heat.,…no mans land…then we get to the other side..and we arrive in the clinic..
(WHY CLINIC YOU ASK)
I completely forgot that we had to show yellow fever vaccination…because I have never been asked for that before…so in this shabby clinic they wanted us vaccinated or we had to go back…back was not an option…so we try a little.."how about a little treat for you and your family" with a five dollar bill slipped into the passport..ummm sadly rejected…I don't think ill ever be good at bribing… my classic lies of the embassy stealing my vaccination card…didn't work either..so I promptly plopped myself down on the chair…where I made sure that the needles were clean…they just laughed at my inspection techniques..which I must admit were rubbish…but they insisted on showing me everything..so I got two vaccinations…one for yellow fever and the other for menigalkfjaklda whatever that's called..all I know it's the one that cramps the arm muscles for 2 days….so we took turns punching each other and screaming in pain…

when we got out of the border..and I stopped flirting with the border police (just incase we got some trouble I took some phone numbers) we took another tro tro..which are deadly for multiple reasons but im not going to go into that..right now…high speeds…overtaking…parts falling off…ummm enough said…which were stopped 10 times in an hour by police checking for id and asking for money….POLICE everywhere..thankgod we decided to not run away from them this time…so then after finding a phone card we hop on a bus..which I beg to stop because im in desperate need for a toilet…run through the jungle to pee..only to see lots of creatures I didn't want anywhere near me…luckily the bus hadn't left..or I would be selling bananas by the road for the rest of my life…then after 6 hours we ARRIVE in abidjan..to meet a Lebanese guy called ali..whom found us a hotel..expensive but since we only paid 15 dollars for our 12 hour trip total from accra we thought we could splurge..especially considering its notoriety for violence and stealing …well there is a war going on up north..but we saw no danger..the only annoyance was the police checks..which finally caught up with us…leaving ali shouting at the police..for about half an hour until he named dropped one of the leaders as an acquaintance…but it was not a good situation…guns..night…sitting on a bench..yepp a mood killer…lets just say it was straight to bed that night…



abidjan is a city…tall buildings…markets…lots and lots of cool masks and fabric…so I bought lots of things..great French food…great local food..and liter large beers…hilarrrrious..it felt like we were in a mini America…well minus the police stops and the evil stares from people that thought we were french..and sitting on wooden benches and female urinals…women pee standing up here…don't ask me how..but both hands are involved..and its talent…so my senegalese French accent paid off…OH YOUR FROM SENEGALLLLLLLLLLLLL..yes people…yes…I am African..haha..then break out a lil wolof with some police men and im on FIRE….(fire fire is what reggae men scream when reggae is playing..MORE FIRAHHHHHHH)so after a LONG trip in the tro tro…which ended up with us getting a taxi for the last 3 hours..mucho cheapo…twisting and entangled in the back seat…with our extremely sweaty bodies from the whole week…I now have only smelly clothes..so I had to borrow work clothes from a new workmate..and camel toe is not my scene so today I have to go yell at my drycleaner..because I can…but it feels good to be back in accra in my overheated room… this week my two body guards are leaving…so god only knows what kind of problems lil nini will get herself into..when the police come knocking..hey I do have some of their numbers so maybe I could work it out….



This is long..and if you read it…well that would be a miracle…so ill stop now..



MISS YOU ALL…



And to check out some pictures go to davids website and click on the link for pictures from ivory coast



http://www.davidberntsen.com

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