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Published: March 9th 2015
Time to leave once again for jahansi, and yet again another crazy ride to the train station. Sue once again sat in the front but thankfully this time there was a working seatbelt. As it was by now 8pm and dark, we made a new discovery-that everyone not only drives like madmen, but they do so with full beams on. We stopped at a little shop on the way and I was in dispair when the driver did what looked to be a U turn, and instead of going back on himself on the opposite side of the road, chose to reverse that part instead to pull up outside of the shop-all with oncoming traffic beeping us out of the way. By now I actually didn't feel worried, it's almost like I've accepted the driving and nothing else can surprise me.
At the station we piled into the waiting room for an hour or so, our train was due to arrive at 22.30, although again we had been warned delays were quite common. We were lucky, the train was only 5 minutes late, other wise it would have meant a long stay in that waiting room. The train
station was as hectic as everywhere else with people sleeping everywhere, begging everywhere, manged dogs scratching everywhere, rats everywhere, and the thing I found the most bizarre: men just came and stood next to you and stared. Then another would join the another and another until there were about 6-7 men or boys just stood staring. Raghu said they were intrigued by us, but it was very odd. To grow up in a society that says it's rude to stare, is again another polar opposite from this place. I said to Lesley one of the Aussie women, I wonder if you had a stare off, who'd look away first?! I tried it and couldn't last longer than 3 seconds, it was so uncomfortable. I'd definitely feel quite threatened if I wasn't travelling in a group such as this, they were almost crowding around us. It's not often I feel this uncomfortable when travelling and even though I knew we'd be safe because we had Raghu with us, it was all still a little bit freaky.
Another thing that is a bit hard to get used to is the spitting. Men just spit anywhere and everywhere, mainly to
get rid of the chewing tobacco so commonly used here, and you'll find bright orange splats all over the pavements. Quite disgusting.
On the train we found our bunks, now if you can imagine walking down the carriage, to the left were 6 bunks but facing each other in 3 tiers. To the right were 2 bunks an upper and a lower facing the aisle. I was in bunk 2 on the left being the middle bunk. Chris from Belgium was in the top bunk and Mrs Wong from Canada was below me. Opposite her on the bottom was Mr Wong and the two above them were two older Indian men.
We made up our beds and the blankets and sheets, looked and smelled clean, but I used my sleeping bag liner just in case. I wasn't anticipating a good nights sleep as we were right by the door and Varanasi was the 26th and last stop on this 12 hour journey. Another thing that I wasn't expecting was the lack of curtains. I thought we'd have something to draw across for privacy but there was nothing except a sweaty man less than a meter away
from me occasionally glancing over. It was going to be a long night.
Raghu had told us not to leave our bags unattended at all on the train, as so many people were coming and going. We all put our big bags under Mr and Mrs Wongs lower bunks and I joked with them they could stag on first but they hadn't a clue what I was on about so told them they were bag sentries instead. They laughed and then rolled over to sleep. I put my rucksack as a bit of a pillow. This meant that my head was a bit further down the bed and I couldn't extend my feet without the door catching on them when someone walked through, so I tucked them in and tried to get comfortable.
Raghu came to check we were all ok and turned the light out, only 5 minutes later it was turned on again. Raghu came back down again a bit later on and turned it off again. Like my mum turning on the big light in the bedroom to get me up for school-boom it was back on. The ticket inspector sat
on the right hand side lower bunk going through his paperwork, and I didn't really want to say anything, So got out my iPad and started typing some of the blog.
I put my iPod on to drown out the ticket inspector chatting with his mate that had joined him and manic street preachers came on. I instantly thought of Wales and wondered what Daryl was doing right now. I felt a bit sad so shuffled the music on. The next song was one that reminded me of Army Rugby and what the boys used to blare out whilst getting ready for the game. I thought of Daryls pep talks in the changing room where he'd make everyone close their eyes and visualise the game, (and probably the only time I've heard him use the f word when it comes to rugby and winning) I wished I could smell deep heat now instead of the dank heavy waft I get getting on the train (it must be bad if I wished I was smelling a men's rugby changing room) and then I got to thinking how I used sneak a peak at Daryl when I was supposed
to be visualising (and never knew why I did this as I wasn't playing rugby) giving it his whole 9 yards speech, and I'd think 'I quite fancy him.' I never thought 3 and a half years later I'd be on a train in the middle of India missing him so much. I knew india wasn't really his thing and after being here a few days, it reinforced my thinking that it wasn't the place for him. This made it easier in a way, as I wasn't constantly thinking 'Daryl would love this' or 'I'm so gutted Daryl is missing this' apart from the Taj Mahal visit, I don't think he'd care for the place, and one of the reasons I didn't feel so bad about coming alone as it was never a place we'd enthused about together. I looked forward to our upcoming holiday in April. Together we've been to some amazing places, America, Mexico, New Zealand, Hawaii, Tenby.... thinking of him, I'm not ashamed to say I actually had a little cry. I like to say this was more at the thought that he was laid at home diagonally in our memory foam bed with a V pillow
and a slanket with a cup of tea, and I was laid looking up at someone's hairy feet, but I'd be lying, (I really am missing you DSJ) but he wasn't the only person I was missing right now.
4 years ago whilst backpacking Thailand I shared my first night train with one of my best friends Sam (who I always call Delia as its her middle name) we had such a blast. We ate a KFC at the station before boarding even though it was only day 3 and we'd sworn to go the whole holiday without doing fast food. We were so hungover though I think we'd of eaten our feet if we could, we were so hungry. That train was only 2 tiers tho and a lot more space than this. It even had a karaoke carriage and even with its naff paper doilies and tinsel decoration, we had a great night on that train, drinking bear and dancing, and even top and tailed like we were kids choosing instead to use one bunk for our bags and one for us two giggling idiots. We had one of those long giggling fits where you
can't stop and in the end forget what you're even laughing at. It was a great memory and I so wished she was here with me. I pulled out the photos of us two that were slipped behind my iPad in the holder, and looked at our smiley faces from the top of a sunny Bavarian mountain. I missed Delia. We've had some cracking times together, and a foreign night train without her was just no fun. I was glad she was coming to South America in May, and imagined the next set of travel memories we'd make.
So without my man (or my delia ) to cwtch up with I turned to face the wall and tried to sleep. I had my headphone in and eye mask on but could still hear the chatting and the light was so bright it kept sneaking in somehow. I heard something over my earphones like a bleeping and this went on for the next half an hour. I was sure it was the mans alarm clock opposite me, but couldn't be sure. By now there were 5 men chatting with the ticket inspector and one was even sitting on the end
of poor Mr Wongs bed. I looked down at them and in turn they just glared up at me and continued their conversation.
I text Daryl earlier and so I switched my phone on to see if I had a reply. I don't know what I pressed but up came a history of multi media messages we'd sent (no wonder my phone was always saying full) I scrolled right back to the beginning and watched a video of Isabelle snorting at peppa pig when she was little, and playing on the swing in the back garden. Reuben cradling his new baby brother Caleb and me and isabelle cuddling up to Charlie for the first time. Various pictures of food envy we send each other including a big pot of my Mams stew and dumplings, and pictures of Jans Royal wedding party up the caravan. Pictures of me sweating to prove to Daryl I had actually done phys, pictures of me sleeping after I'd done phys. Pictures of Reuben sleeping over, and ones of me on my promotion course. Pictures of us dressed as bat man and robin and pictures of nights out, laughing smiling, living. I felt
like I didn't recognise that person in those pictures, it seemed like a lifetime ago we were laughing. When did it stop? It was around December 2012 when the big question mark was put over my head regarding my job, and until redundancy was confirmed in June 2014 that question mark only served to get heavier and heavier. I'd had 3 different jobs in this time including the one I loved in Aldershot, but had to leave as it got cut. I'd moved to Wales and never really settled, I felt like I'd lost touch with friends being so out in the sticks, and somewhere in these 2 and a bit years I think I've lost lot of myself along the way.
In the last 10 years I've travelled a bit and wanted to seek out adventure, sun, and culture. I'd wanted to take a career break at one point but it wasn't really feasible so just settled for making the most of leave periods instead. India and South America were the 2 big ones on my list that remained unticked, so with the leave I had left to take before my time in the RAF was
over, I'd always planned to take these trips. Now I was doing it, and actually here, it seemed easier to look at that person I'd left back home. The one who'd stopped getting dressed up and going out, the one who'd become teary and irritable at everything and everyone, and the one who had buckled under the weight of that question mark as it had gotten heavier over these two years. The one I no longer wanted to be but as it had become a normality, one I didn't know how get back.
I don't want it to sound dramatic or like I had an epiphany or anything like that, but sometimes being forced into just sitting and being and doing nothing forces you to think of things you wouldn't otherwise have been thinking. It didn't come as news to me that I'd been feeling this way for so long, but by taking this trip and being away and doing the thing I'd had in my head for so long, marked the end of something. With that it also marked the start of something, and as the song goes, every new beginning comes from some other beginnings
end. I resolved to find that person who was still there somewhere, and bring a little part of her home for starters. I looked at the fat man snoring about a meter away from me, and physically felt this one of the less nicer places I'd been. Mentally though it was a good place to be in, and I think it was a long time coming. I think I needed this stinking train time to remind me of the things that had somehow gotten buried and lost. I didn't think I'd find them all on the route to Varanasi. it was however a good start, and in a way I felt glad I wasn't tucked up in a comfy bed somewhere, as I'd have had to wait a bit longer for something else to remind me of the next new and exciting chapter of my life that would be beginning in a matter of weeks.
Eventually the man woke up and turned his alarm off, but by now I was bursting for a pee. I deliberated weather or not to hold on or risk leaving my bags and chance what would probably be a honking smelly toilet. The man opposite got out of bed and was gone for a few minutes before collecting his belongings and getting off at the next stop.
I put my bags under my blanket and made a dash for the loo-by now it was 3am. We'd been on the train 4 and a half hours and I knew my bladder couldn't last another 7 hours. The toilet actually wasn't too bad although I wiped the seat and hovered rather than sit. I held onto a sink for a bit of support and my bum was treated by a blast of air. I looked down to see the tracks passing beneath me, but at least it was a good way not to make the toilet cubicles smell so much.
I made my way back to my bunk and thought enough was enough. I looked at the ticket inspector and his buddies, pointed at the light and made a cutting action across my throat. He nodded and flicked the switch. I don't know how long I'd been dozing for but the chat got even louder and the light was back on and without thinking I swung around and whipped my eye mask off. My haggard tired face must have scared the hell out of them as before I even spoke one of them said 'sorry ma'am' and turned the light off again.
Only about 11 more stops to go.....
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Dolly
non-member comment
T shirt
Eye masks r crap u need a t-shirt in your head it blocks out all the light haha. Sent u a couple of Facebook messages not sure if u've had them. Don't think I'd like India I wouldn't be able to wash my greasy hair every day!! We're in Fuengirola for a long weekend, going to a chocolate factory today if the sat nav will will find it..... U know vsiley and his chocolate addiction he is v excited x x