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Published: July 19th 2013
When I stayed at the refugio next to the monestary at Rabanl I had spoken with one of the monks after Vespers that evening. He had asked me if I was there for confession or to talk. I told him I was Lutherand and that I just wanted to talk. Regardless your faith I would hope there is a level of respect for a person who devotes their life to God on this level. I have a deep respect for these men and women of the cloth that dedicate themselvves to serving God in such a totally commited way.
In our discussion the monk indicated that I need to accept my sin and those things I have done that I am deeply ashamed of and be glad in them as they have brought me to the place where I am now. I have grappled with this quite a bit. In my mind better that these things never had happened. Since then I have read a couple nightly devotions that have helped me come to a deeper understanding of the monk's words. I have a Kindle app on my phone and had downloaded Henri Nowen's Food for the Journey toit so I would have a devotion to read every day. So the title Brokeness and Self-rejection come from Nowen. His words helped shed light on the monk's advise. Nowen says we often take the road toward darkness and self-deprecation believing self-deprecation to be a virtue called humility. I know I am guilty of this. However humility is the opposite of self-deprecation Humility is the grateful recognition thatwe are precious in God's eyes and we are a pure gift. We have to trust God and fly knowing that He will always catch us. Rather than getting attached to our negative idienties - leave them behind, rejoice in them and travel on! Being always grateful for the good things God has given us and knwing those dark things led us to the path we now fiind ourselves on! I found it interesting that I read Nowen's word so soon after talking with the monk. I am still saddened by some things in my passts,t but I realize that not letting them go and rejoicing in the place they have brought me to is to always live in darkness. I choose the light!
I hope you do too!
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Karen
non-member comment
What a journey
Have so loved reading your daily blogs. Your faith has grown so very much and appreciate your sharing this with us. Our hearts and prayers have been with you the whole way, my friend. May God continue to work in your heart as your Camino journey comes to an end. Rejoice my friend.