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The Monstrosity
A little safer than a motorbike! So I decided to take another look at Patong, in the day. I had heard that the beach was rather like Kuta (Bali) so I headed out to another look during my drive around the Island -- a drive that was seriously interrupted by Paradise Beach (see next article).
Anyway, the first thing to know about my island tour and revisit of Patong was that I did it in The Monstrosity -- my day-glow green "American Style Jeep" that was apparently made by Honda (or at least the steering wheel was).
The Monstrosity and I headed out to see the island and Patong was our first stop. The main area of Patong is made up of three main roads that run parallel with each other and with the beach. Those roads are then interconnected with smaller side roads and alleys that are packed full with shops and kiosks selling everything from suits -- made by a gentlemen with names like R. Mani and B. Versace -- to the very latest DVD's. And by "latest" I mean The Latest. Poseidon Adventure was released in the cinemas shortly before I arrived here and is still playing in the cinemas now yet
you can openly buy a DVD copy of the movie on the street (for a fraction of the real cost, of course).
Another interesting thing about walking through the markets is meeting Chaz. Chaz is a generic name I have given to the local guys who try to guess where you are from and then speak to you in the appropriate accent. It is the strangest thing to have this guy shout, in a stong cockney accent, "All right mate?", then seconds later switch to Ausie (by far the most common, and then just as easly to German and Italian....
Trouble is, if you stop and talk to Chaz there is a good chance you will buy something of questionable quality that you did not even want.
Now, I have had a few comments from people wanting to know more about the food situation -- in short, it is good. Damn good.
First of all, I HAVE to mention my new favourite sushi place in the world: Zen. Zen is on the beachfront in Patong (look for the picture in this posting) and serves some mean sushi. What made it special though was that I tried
Insane Parasailing!
The 'guest' goes up strapped in and a local guy just grabs on rides with the guest (totally unattached) and then helps with the beach landing... saw a few nasty landings! TORO (Nick, is that right?) for the first time. I had seen a special about TORO (fatty tuna) on the TV some time ago -- the markets in Japan, the high prices etc. I could not understand how ANY fish could be that expensive ($10 a roll when the rest are less than $1) but having tried it, I understand. Look, I have eaten fish from most of the seas and oceans and a great many lakes and while I have some favourites (pickerel and mahi mahi for example) none of them vaguely compare with Toro. Funny thing is that for the cost of eating at ZEN (which is cheaper than NOBU in London) I could eat for two weeks at the little side-of-the-road vendors.
The other option is the huge assortment of seafood places all over Patong which are a fun choice because they display all the fresh seafood out on ice at the front -- fish, the biggest prawns I have ever seen, lobster and some strange half-crab half-lobster beasts. You point out what you want, they put it on a plate and make it happen. Nice.
Now, back to the roadside vendors (I will try
Jetski at Patong
God I hate these things. Noisy, peace disturbing, dangerous -- unless of course I am on one. ;-) to upload a picture), they have excellent food at outstanding prices. The food is a bit strange at times and trying to order without language is interesting, but road-side food vendors are a must in Thailand!
Except for one: The Bug Lady. She -- okay, they -- walks around with a tray with five little plates the contents of which are: crickets, locusts, larvae, dried frogs and something else that I just could not identify AT ALL. So, there I was, faced with my life as an explorer and realised that I had to try one. I picked out a good juicy cricket looking thing and negotiated a price ( I am sure I paid for one what a local plays for an entire 'serving') and promptly ate it. And guess what, it wasn't bad!! Those of you who know me well are either in shock right now or total disbelief - either way, look at the pictures, I really did this.
Shortly after my culinary cricket I headed to Paradise Beach (next article) and then came back to Patong on my way home (for more sushi) and caught a really stunning sunset.
As the sunset Patong
changes character completely… countless bars - big and small - begin to fill up with an odd assortment of backpackers, middle-aged men with their thai “girlfriends” and hundreds of thai women. One strip of bars made me smile with names like GET LUCKY TONIGHT, WE SAY YES, FUN FUN FUN, TAKE ME HOME and the rest...
In one of these bars I met a property developer from London. He had married a thai woman and moved to Phuket. He explained the situation to me. The women in the bars are NOT prostitutes as I had though they were -- at least not in the sense that we normally think of prostitution. These girls try to meet tourists so as to become their ‘thai girlfriends’ with one of two goals in mind: 1) The ‘possibility’ of a financial gift in the morning or 2) Marriage (or the holly grail, to be made pregnant by a “felang” (foreigner).
And then there was the disturbing part. As I sat having a drink with a really nice Canadian couple we noticed two English guys being chatted up by two women. And although the women appeared to be attractive enough, they unfortunately had
Food Cart
This is a basic cart -- fresh fruit. Others are little modified motorbikes and sell anything from soup to BBQ chicken. adam’s apples! You see, in Thailand, some of the most attractive women around ARE NOT WOMEN AT ALL. EEEk. We (the couple I was with) were unsure of the two English guys knew what they were getting into (so to speak) and decided that we should warn them to as to prevent any “Crying Game” moments. It turned out they knew already and were just having fun speaking to the two “Lady-boys” (as they are called).
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Nick
non-member comment
Toro...
Toro... that's right. It's not quite so affordable here in Vancouver....