Going Local : How Vietnamese are you?

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Sitting in a bar for dinner, reading through a magazine we came across an article that made us laugh.


Going Local: How Vietnamese are you?
By Amy Morrison

There comes a point when every foreigner living abroad realizes that they've truly gone local. Especially in scenarios when a person of 'Western' orgin goes 'East'. The differences between culture and lifestyle are significant. Not that the populations of the 'East' or 'West' are by any means homogeneous. But there are some shared cultural features within Asia that those who have been in the region long enough have definitely adopted. Such as removing you shores before entering a home. Or having the expert ability to use that hose and faucet next to the toilet (known colloquially as the "bum gun") without squirting water all over your clothes and floor. Or (this may cause a 'tsk tsk' from many a reader) when you drink your beer with ice. Actually it's the point when you can no longer drink a glass of beer without adding ice that you've properly tipped over the local threshold - homeland friends will possibly dismiss you altogether at this stage. But what traits are distincly Vietnamese? How do you know if you're turning Vietnamese-ah?

The ones that Tris and/or I do are ***

You know you've become Vietnamese:

- *** When you keep your motorcycle helmet on when entering a shop, office or bank***

- When all food tastes dull without fish sauce. In fact, you consume more fish sauce than your Vietnamese counterparts.

- When you wear your pajamas out of the house. Also, when you start to wonder why they were even considered pajamas back home:they look just like regular clothes.
(***We don't do this, but it made us laugh because if you walk the streets in Vietnam all the ladies wear pajama like clothing. It is called their house wear***)

- When you no longer flinch at total strangers asking your age, marital status and income in the first 30 seconds of conversation.

- When you spend more than 2 hours drinking the local coffee. At this point you can no longer drink coffee at all without condensed milk. You also prefer the taste of Vietnamese coffee to an Italian espresso.

- When you think it is normal to have more than two people on a motorbike. (**Laughed at this one***)

***- When you start making a left or right-hand turn 200 metres before the road ends. And then to avoid stopping altogether at the intersection, you ride against the ongoing traffic until the coast is clear to cross over. ***

- When you text or continue to receive calls while riding our motorbike, even during peak hour

- When your living room doubles as a parking lot.

- When you can comfortably sleep on your motorbike like a xe om driver in the middle of the day

***- When the red light doesn't mean stop under all circumstances ***

- When you throw your garbage casually on the floor at the restaurant
***Its normal to do this. If your done with your napkin, you throw it on the floor under your table. The waiter will sweep after you are finished***

- When cleaning out yur ears or picking your nose in a public place feels perfectly acceptable.

- When (applicable to males) you grow out your pinkie fingernail in order to clean out your ears more effectively.
**They do this and its disgusting***

***-When you no longer notice the horns of the motorbikes when you go to bed. Or the dogs barking***

***-When you ignore the horns of other vehicles wanting to pass you on the road.***

-When you have a casual conversation with another person on three whilst riding your bike on the road. You continue this conversation despite the incessant honking from the vehicle behind who wants to pass.

- When you start eating lunch at 11:30am and then have a nap from 12 to 1:30 pm
***When we were on our trek, Pheo always napped after lunch and we joined in.***

- When you can happily sleep on a sedge mat instead of a bed. And that you can also share that room with an entire Vietnamese family.

- When a person's calves look weird without a 'Saigon Kiss' (ie, the burn mark left from a motorcycle exhaust).

- When the market vendor thinks you've ripped them off

- When you roll your eyes at the tourist who having tipped the street vendor a 500 dong bill, acts like they've been extremely generous.

- When you start referring to waiters outside of Vietnam as "em oi".

- When you use the expression "troi oi" (which can be an expression of surprise, disgust, disappointment or irritation) many times throughout the day.

- Transport furniture, a refridgerator or a large flastscreen TV home by motorbike

- When you cannot go without eating rice and a decent bundle of local herbs at least once a day

- When a pho session becomes an essential end to a long night of drinking

- When you consider beer to be expensive at 20,000 dong $1).

***-When you start wearing a face mask while riding your bike.***

***- When you consider flip flops a suitable shoe for every occasion***

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Comments

[Tenneille]

Funny!
Yep....I may have turned Vietnamese-ah! With pride!