Statistical Madness

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Reflections on Life Down Under

Now then. Stato that I am - I thought I'd summarise my trip to the Southern Hemisphere with some interesting (or not) statistics on my trip. I'll begin with an observation that I'm sure we've all seen (to our disgust) which is the rise in petrol prices. In November 2005, when I arrived in New Zealand, the forecourt price for a litre of regular unleaded was $139. Now it is $171 - that's a rise of 32cents (23%!)(MISSING). That's enough to make you throw-up for starters.

Hard Work? You decide - Stats on 6 Months in NZ

*16 Games of Futsal - won 15, drawn 1
*19 Games of 11-aside Soccer (won 15, lost 4)
*2 Man of the Match Awards (yeah 2, though the second one was a sympathy vote as I was leaving)
*7 Games of 9 aside Soccer on astroturf (won 7)
*3 Games of league squash (team lost 3 - personally I won 2, lost 1 )
*9 Holes of golf (42 shots, about 20c per shot)
*2 Games of touch-rugby (lost 2)
*2 Games of competitive cricket (won 1, lost 1)
*0 Games of badminton (won them all)
*3 cross-country runs (very slow)
*1 river surfing trips (disappointing)
*1 canyoning trip (great fun)
*2 games of live Super14 rugby (watched from the stands)
*1 game of live international cricket NZ V Aus (world record run-chase, since broken again by south Africa)
*8 games of basketball refereeed so far (never got called a w$$ker once)
*1 game of soccer refereed (called a bout 8 times)
*7 times I was called a blind w@%ker
*1 penalty awarded that shouldn't have been
* 7 tramps (that’s walks in the country, not homeless people who stench of urine)
*1 Soccer Refereeing Certificate (level 1 - woo hoo!)
*1 published research article (well, nearly)
*1 research report (well, nearly)
*5 presentations of my work
*5 Job applications (and 1 job)
*2 tele-conference calls to UK
*1 video conference to Wales
*10 Otago Utd soccer games filmed (10 occasions when I'd rather be eating my own nasal hair)
*30 (about) surf sessions, in 7 different beaches including 3 pretty heavy pin downs & 2 fairly serious rip situations resulting in a rocky retreat to the beach
*3 sea lion encounters in the water (rather unnerving)
*1 sea lion encounter out of the water (chased off the beach - funny)
*0 Great White encounters (sorry Kirbs, I know that’s all you wanted to hear about)
*1 shark tale (friend of friend, yeah that old line, had shark mount her board at Aramoana couple a weeks ago, nobody died)
*9 novels read (see below)
*1 strained thigh (soccer)
*1 groin strain (soccer)
*1 muscle strain in the lower back (surfing)
*1 hamstring strain (at which point my physio said “you’ve got a calf strain waiting to happen,”… then, the following week…
*1 calf strain (just about sorted now)
*14 physio appointments (all free, paid for by the govt.)
*1 acupuncture treatment
*3 back massages
*14,000 km of driving in Betty Bluebird
*3 km on the Ride-on mower
*+14 lbs gained in weight (that’s exactly a stone, and a very conservative estimate at that)
*1 Shed erection with wooden deck floor
*10 Felled trees
*1 road created to enable “ride-on” access to the woods
*1 paddock weed wacked (now the responsibility of Bitsy)
*3,000 hits on my blog (well should be when this is done)
*5 number of people who actually read any of my blog
*2 traffic violations (total=$240)
*1 towing fee ($75)
*1,100 Photos (about 120 published on blog)
*30 blogs (or thereabouts)
*0 bike rides
*0 bungee jumps (I can’t say I regret not doing this, but it is in fact a big disappointment to me that I haven’t. Having done a skydive in the states and not really getting the scare I was hoping for, I have long wanted to do a bungee, and still do, but given the health scares about bursting blood vessels in your eyes, not to mention the $180 tag on the Nevis Bungee {which is the biggest and for this reason to my mind ‘the only’} and a family history of eye problems I (for better or worse) decided not to take the risk.

BOOKS READ

• Tell No One - Harlan Coben
  
• My Sister’s Keeper - Jodi Picoult
  
• Deception Point - Dan Brown
  
• Man and Boy - Tony Parsons
  
• Being Freddie (Flintoff’s Autobiography) - Andrew Flintoff
  
• The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
  
• April Fools Day - Bryce Courtenay
  
• A Boy Named David - David Pfeltz
  …part of The Dice Man - Luke Rhinehart
  
• Notes from a Small Island - Bill Bryson
  

MOVIES SEEN AT THE

CINEMA

• King Kong (ok)
  
• Brokeback Mountain (good)
  
• March of the Penguins (good)
  
• I Walk the Line (Johnny Cash story - excellent)
  
• Da Vinci Code (very disappointing)
  

NZ & Sports

Sport in NZ is a bit like Blair's speach on Education - rugby, rugby , rugby. Talk Sports Radio, the local radio talk show would be more aptly named Talk Rugby Radio. If you don't like rugby I suggest you move to Belgium.

The Kiwi Bloke

They love their sport (rugby that is, of course), drinking their pi*s (that’s what they call it dad, their words not mine) and their camaraderie. Within a week I’d met a bloke called Shane (I resisted the temptation to scream “bowling Shane,” though in hindsight I don’t have unlimited gags in me, so probably should’ve thrown it out there) and 2 guys called Marti (which has to be pronounced Maaarrrrdi, like you're trying to remove a piece of food that's lodged in the back of your throat) and it was usually yelled at the top of my lungs as they both played behind me in different soccer teams, and I invariably was stood still expecting the ball to be delivered to my feet. I have yet to meet a Kyle, despite looking pretty hard. I did not eat a vegemite sandwich, I did not meet a strange lady who made me nervous, nor a bloke who was 6ft 4 and fulla muscles. This is deifinitely the land where beer (crap beer, but beer nonetheless) does flow and men chunder...

Sunny Dunny

To give you an idea of the feel of Dunedin. I turned up to watch the Otago Nuggets play their first home basketball game of the season and in the 1,000 or so crowd (which was pretty impressive for a game where the standout best players were division 2 and division 3 college ballers from the US) I bumped into not only players I had refereed and some basketball co-officials but two players from my soccer team, my physio and his family and a few guys from work. I kinda like the small town feel, despite it being the 2nd biggest city in the South Island (after Christchurch).

Welcome to 1975

If you have any interest in time-travel, then may I suggest rather than attempting to build a time machine you first jump on a plane to New Zealand. You'll see drainpipe trousers, clapped out cars (some which should have died with Sid James see photos), cars with furry dice, furry steering wheels, and furry seat covers. Who in this world ever thought they'd witness first hand an Austin Maxi again. I guess these things are part of why I fit in so well here. I have no real fashion sense, my car’s a piece of shit (sorry Betty, but you know it's true) and Austin Powers is my hero.

TV in NZ

I’m not really an expert on TV as I rarely watch anything other than sports. However, I know enough to say in New Zealand it licks balls. In fact it’s not even that good. They import most of their stuff, the only series of any merit is called “Bones” about a criminal anthropologist, and a comedy series I've just discovered called Two and a Half Men, staring Charlie Sheen who is a born comedic actor. Other than that it’s full of the usual US soaps such as “Desperate Housewives,” CSI & other stuff. Piha Rescue is about the only NZ show that I know - where they attempt to make intersting a bunch of lifeguards patrolling a beach on the north island.

Would I live here?

The short answer is yes. The long answer is... Well, the community feel in Dunedin is great. The lifestyle is not dominated by work (weird huh, you all thought that I was a workaholic), but largely by the outdoors, for the obvious reasons, so that's cool. The climate is much like the UK, though when that sun comes through it really burns. There’s surf all over the place, some great beaches and obviously some outstanding scenery. But I honestly dunno how long I’d last here. I've been spoilt by being here just across the warmer summer months I guess.

It’s pretty isolated from everywhere in the world really, and although according to all the ex-pats here, you’d get prolonged visits from friends & family from the UK for weeks at a time, which would mean you’d spend a lot of quality time with them, doing things in the countryside that you both enjoy. Also, it wouldn’t be easy trying to get home even every couple of years cos of the cost and and increasing fuel prices etc.

What would I miss? To be honest aside from my friends and family (which of course would be pretty significant) not a whole pile. There’s plenty of sporting opportunities, chance to develop my refereeing (basketball and soccer), plenty of good friends, plenty of local events and national events not too far away. The food shopping is not as wide-ranging, for example I have not found it easy to find fresh basil & coriander, good lettuce, and some vegetables for example are only available seasonally - yeah, no sprouts for Christmas Dinner - that's just wrong.

I wouldn’t miss the UK traffic, overcrowding, petty crime, having to lock my car and hide anything of value thats inside, and the trip here has been perfectly timed, and refreshing. It's been great meeting new people, trying new things, getting to learn a bit about Maori and kiwi culture though it is great to be back home. I guess I could last a couple of years out here, but ultimately I'd rather be back home with the guys.

So What Have I Learnt

Well - it'd be nice to give you some wise words from down under. Without wanting to appear like a wise old owl (of course that's exactly how I want to appear) - I've learned that people are the same wherever you go - there is good and bad in everyone. Learn to live, learn to give each other... (ok, now some words of my own...)


* I've learned that great friendships are around every corner.
* I've learned that life's not about the trophies on your shelf (though, did I tell you I won man-of-the-match twice!!)
* I've learned that the world is not as big as we think it is.
* I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score (good thing that or I'd be losing, pretty badly).
* I've learned that at 36 my surfing is probably about as good as its going to be, but that won't stop me pretending I can get better.
* I've learned that great white shark stories rarely involve someone you've actually met.
* I've learned that having no sense of style whatsoever is a great way to be.
* I've learned that it's really easy to put on 14lbs when you never eat at home.
* I've learned that blog writing is great fun, at least for the guy writing it.

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Photos

Austin Maxi
Who in the world ever expected to see one of these gracing our streets in the 21st century....?

Ethnic's Party
Niven explained that his friend was having a party to increase her groups of friends, so she's inviting.... "ethnics" I said. I think she meant internationals but you get the idea

Carrying the wool of 10 sheep
My first real Kiwi - Southern Man - experience. Hearding the falcous farmstead sheep, and watching them lose their wool.

Comments

[paddy]

top blog
enjoyed a winter of the blogs mate but good to have you back in blighty!

[Katy]

Missing you : (
Hey Tanekana - we're missing you already . . .

[CB]

Blog drinks lime milkshake
Mate - if you could only recreate your literary brilliance for our research report, we'd be laughing. ps: Ange misses you, I miss watching your football madness. pps: now that you've gone, did you actually shag anyone (girls) in NZ?