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Published: June 11th 2011
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Burger and chips please mate
I will literally never use this Arrived at the airport knowing that my bag is too heavy, but I will try and talk to the person on the check in counter and explain the situation, hopefully avoiding the excess baggage charge.
Actually arrived early, check in wasn't due to start til 7.30, and it was 6.45 now. Still, I saw the line up for Air Transat, so joined it, thinking I can get ahead of the rush. After 10 minutes queuing, I thought that I might actually be lining up at the wrong check in desk. Who checks in to a flight 4.5 hours early? Why was I here so early!? There were at least 40 people ahead of me, and the same amount behind, I had gone too far to leave the line up. I didn't want to ask anyone which flight they were lining up for either, as if it was the wrong one, I'd have had to do a walk of shame away from there. Not today Ian, NOT TODAY.
So I carried on lining up, 10 more minutes passed. Then a load of prostitutes and 3 or 4 gays got pushed to the front of the queue, ahead of ME!? What
Badly Packed Boy
Suitcase of a mass murderer. was this all about?! Turns out they were flight attendants. Still wasn't very happy about it.
Then I was at the front, only 3 people ahead of me. Too many bags, too heavy, not the right check in desk...too many doubts in my head. Couldn't think straight. There were 6 staff checking in passengers. One looked like a young Randy Jackson. He had kind eyes. I wanted Young Randy Jackson to check me in. YRJ would let me off with the excess. He'd high five me and call me dude, and tell me to "walk right on, man". I didn't get YRJ, I got middle aged Micheal Stipe. He looked like he meant business. I walked up and handed him my passport. He asked for my flight details. I handed him my printed off flight details. He handed it back saying it wasn't correct. Ah, so the 25 minute I've been here, I was in the wrong line up....but then I looked at what he had handed me back and saw it was a voucher for a free burger and fries at a Yates Wine Lodge in Manchester. Shit! Why did I even print that off!? I'm not going to use it. And why was I carrying it in my front pocket with my passport!? Free burger and chips please Micheal. This wasn't the time or the place. He knew it and I knew it. Not today Ian, NOT TODAY.
I rummaged in my bag and got the correct flight details out. It was the right line up after all, YES! 1-0 Ian! I put my bag on the conveyor belt and it came up at 29kg. 9kg over. $108 excess. Will Randy intervene and help me out? Will he fuck, he didn't even look over. Twat. So Michael said I had to either move some into my hand luggage, or throw some away. At this point there was about 50 people in the line up. This meant I had 2 options. Either empty my bags, at the front of the line up, taking everything out, in front of the whole airport. I would keep my place, but lose my dignity. Or go into a quiet corner, and sort my bags out, then re-join the line.
My dignity was lost that day. As my suitcase mainly consisted of very small childrens clothing, and toys aimed at 3-10 year olds, I don't think I got many approving looks. I will forever be known as 'The Badly Packed Pedophile' in Pearson Airport.
I moved some stuff back and forward between my 3 bags, and then went back to Michael. He still hadn't saw my 2nd piece of hand luggage, so I kept it hidden. My main suitcase was down to 24kg, and he charged me $36, which was a bit cheaper than it should have been. But I wasn't bothered, I had done it, my bag had been checked in, and nothing else could go wrong!
Got to security and put through my hand luggage. They asked could they open my case and look in it, after it had gone through the scanner. I said sure and they opened it. It looked pathetic. Due to my hasty re-packing, my hand luggage was divided between my 2 bags. The one they opened contained
A deflated football
A pair of sunglasses
A travel towel
A toothbrush
A set of cards belonging to the board game "Urban Myths"
1 football boot
He asked to see my flight details. Obviously I gave him the free burger and fries voucher by mistake again. Things can only get better.
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Tash
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Africadabra! And so it begins!
Brilliant idea! I'll follow your blog so keep me updated with stories and pics! Umm, did you explain to Jon that your going for charity work at a school? He's questioning the load of pink baby clothes in your suitcase so you might wanna clear that little misunderstanding up with him! :D Time, Ian! We should've managed your time better. If I'd gotten the kid's artwork and donated clothes sooner we could've packed your ba better. And I knew we should've bought a scale to weigh your bags at home! I'm so glad you're all checked in and the baggage issue is over. To answer your question briefly, yes to Mexico at the end of this year followed by South America next spring. I can't wait! I'll plan Cancun and you plan SA, ok? I'm going to email you back tonight. Safe and happy travels. I love you, xx