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Americans V Brits Banter
I’m tracking back a bit here (to my time in Auckland) but I hope you can forgive me, as it’s one of my favourite subjects. In the company of my buddy Ken - I should say, ‘my
mate Ken,’ before anyone confuses my country of allegiance, who is a perfectly well rounded New Yorker - you can imagine, the banter rolled.
For those of you who hold strong political affiliations I suggest you log off now, and perhaps read my blogs on The Catlins or Milford Sound, which are nice and friendly, as my random jibber jabber here might raise your blood pressure. So, I guess that’s my PG certificate warning.
So, killing time in the subtropical jungle on the north island with Ken, the conversation drifted, (more like dragged with a tugboat, driven by me) towards USA versus UK chat. I had to chuckle and concede to his opening line, which was something like, “well the Brits have got their teeth.”
“Yep fair do’s, our teeth are about as crooked as your police force” I replied, a cheap shot with little substance (though Rodney King might have something to say on that) but a
nice quick-n-dirty retort I thought. Equally I could come back and say “you’ve got 20 million teenagers all with retainers,” but that kind of falls flat on it’s face when you do the maths (yes with maths with an "s") and realise the consequences of not doing that (re Ken's first point).
Anyway, the following list, is by no means the definitive guide to US V Brit banter, however, it will probably get a few people a little hot under the collar (you Brits) and a few reaching for their guns (you Americans).
Without even touching on the English pompous reserve versus the American’s brazen ways, this may leave a few American’s feeling nauseous, whereas there will be English who simply feel sick. If it reaches the places I hope it will reach then there will be a few English who would describe it as "funny" and a few Americans who would feel exactly the same way but describe it as "hysterical". Again, recognizing that we both speak the same language, but that we really don't.
Here’s pretty much the way our banter rolled:
* Musky: Obese people - as hard as we try we’re always gonna
be playing catch-up
* Ken: You’re like this little cold island in the middle of nowhere
* Musk: Fair point, but a question recently posed in the 20yr edition of Trivial Pursuit asked “Which country would 10% of Americans not recognise on a map?” The answer…. America! Nice one. It’s not enough that American’s have no grasp on the rest of the world (I’ll come back to that), they don’t even know their own country.
* Ken: Coronation street - that sends a chill through my spine. And who’s that guy “Benny Hill?”
* Musk: Oh yeah, and the Jerry Springer Show was a product worth exporting?
* Ken: Do you guys have toothbrushes, or just wooden dentures.
* Ken: British cuisine - bland, boring, disgusting...
* Ken: It’s no wonder the Brits colonised NZ it’s rainy and foggy.
* Musk: That’s a tough one to retort. Our weather does lick-balls, much like NZ weather, but you chose to live here Kenny boy.
* Ken: The palace is protected by the cue-tip heads. We have marines.
* Musk: Good point but do your really want to bring your military into the equation?
* Ken: Ok. The language. We Americans speak
“English”… you speak “Pompous”, at least that’s what it should be called.
* Musk: Look we gave you language and you bastardised it into - wassup, respect, word to your mother. And, whilst I'm on that - we gave you Ali G.
* Ken: What about the queens wave. A slow rotation of the wrist attached to an open palm.
* Musk: You’re grasp on the rest of the world.
* Musk: The baseball
World Series
* Ken: Ahh but the World Series was so named after a newspaper called the World.
* Musk: oh, I see Ken, right, and they decided to keep the name to honour the newspaper right (ah, I forgot to mention the English sarcasm, and the American’s complete inability to understand it). In fact I have recently discovered that this STORY about a newspaper called the world is complete 'hocus pocus'.
* Ken: Back to your food - Example - Chinese food - When you are in china, is simply called “food,” whereas the English muffin in England is not just “a muffin,” but in fact “a crumpet.” Now that’s weird. And
what about Prince Charles and the fact that he married his mom - Camila. Imagine having to go from Princess Diana to Camila - that’s like leaving Elle MacPherson for Rosanne Bar (that’s if Rosanne Bar is your mother I guess).
* Musk: Good point, well made. Here's an easy one - George Bush.
* Ken: Tony Blair
* Musk: Your grasp on “the-rest-of-the-world”
* Ken: Fair point, but on that - The Brits are the only people in the world who would spend considerable time and money to get closer to the French by building the Channel Tunnel. The rest of the world would be building baracades.
* Musk: What's with all the hand swapping when you're eating with a knife and fork -= that's weird. And "a fanny pack" - that means something woooah a whole lot different in the UK.
* Musk: Your ability to remain completely oblivious to crap television, oh and did I mention George Bush...
* Musk: Your loud driving & in fact loud conversation, and George Bush.
I think the debate will go on, but at the end of the day - I'll be dancing like this guy...
Musky's New Dance Moves Until next time...
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Helen Riches
non-member comment
more banter?
What about the americans calling football 'soccer' and a game where hardly anyone kicks the ball 'football'? And what about those whooping studio audiences? Guatanamo bay? Beatles Rolling Stones etc I can slo come with anti- british stuff but with jingoism at its pre-world cup zenith I daren't!! looking forwad to seeing you soon you loving coz H