Getting nervous....

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OK, so i am not in Thailand yet, but this is the pre-trip entry:

So I have less than 2 weeks before I leave....YIKES! Today I really started to feel nervous about going. I don't know if its the fact that I have only 1 week of work left, the fact that I pulled out my luggage from storage, or the fact that really started thinking about all the people I will miss. I have never traveled alone before, until this trip. When I went to Australia, my friend Ashley came with and while I was there, I realized how amazing it was to have someone from home with me....someone I can relate to and someone I can always fall back on for support if I get a little homesick. This time, I wont have anyone. I mean, I know someone who lives in Bangkok, but I probably won't be seeing him for a while after I get there. It's not like I didn't think about any of this when I signed up. I was fully aware that I would be alone...for a little bit anyways. I know I will meet people there, but just traveling there and spending the first night there alone really makes me nervous. But what am I nervous about? The main thing is getting some serious illness......I'm a mild hypochondriac, so I tend to worry about those types of things a lot. One thing I am not necessarily nervous about, but just sad about, is leaving my friends back home. Also, what if Thailand isn't everything I imagine it to be? I am very nervous about being disappointed, which is why I am trying hard not to form expectations that may not be met. And what if I hate teaching?? That would be the worst. No, what would be the worst is if I absolutely suck at teaching....what if all the children hate me and find me boring? If this happened, I would feel like I let everyone down. I have wanted to do this for so long, I just don't want it to be a failure....I don't want me to be a failure. I am trying hard not to let anyone know how nervous I am. I know its normal to be nervous., especially about something this big...but am I freaking out more than I should be? I wish I could talk to other people who are going on this trip, that would make me feel better. I am knowingly putting myself out of my comfort zone for just over 6 months..is that normal!? I have always thought of myself as someone who can do crazy things many others wouldn't dare to do, someone who can stand or enjoys being off the grid and living a minimalistic lifestyle for a short period of time.......what if I am wrong? What if it turns out I am truly a high maintenance diva who can't live without a hair straightener or makeup or even showering with hot water every day? I hope through this experience I can prove to myself, and others, that I truly can live comfortably and peacefully in a third world country....that I don't need all these materialistic, unnecessary commodities that everyone in Westernized nations feel they can't live without. Anyway, I am hoping this strong sense of nervousness fades as time draws nearer and is replaced with excitement. Don't get me wrong, I am suuuper excited already, but my nervousness seems to be taking over these days. I just want everything to run smoothly, but that is wishful thinking...and hopefully by realizing this, I'll be a little more prepared for the unexpected. Just to make me a little more at ease, here is what I am most excited about:
Being in warm/hot weather
Living on a beach in one of the most beautiful parts of Thailand for 3 weeks
Being exposed to a COMPLETELY different culture (and food!)
Learning about Thai culture and especially Buddhism
THE ELEPHANTS AND MONKEYS!
Teaching young kids
Meeting new people and making new friends
Being able to share my experience with others when I return
Hopefully encouraging others to travel and step out of their comfort zone
Showing people that when you put your mind to it, you can do/accomplish anything and live out your dreams
Proving to myself that I can actually do this
What the future holds after I return

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Comments

[PY]

miss and love you
an amazing wonderful and strong person like you will make it no problem!!! I will try to come visit if I dont go to denmark for exchange next semester XX

[Ashley Gabrus]

YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Well Hello There Ms. Genna. First things first, I didn't think your blog was boring or repetitive at all. It was genuine and thought-provoking. You should be very proud of yourself for a) Deciding to make such a big decision/trip; and b) For creating this blog. This blog is for you first and foremost. Obviously, it's great for all of us back home to keep abreast of what you are up to, but really hun when you write these blogs I think it's great that you are writing whatever comes to mind and writing just as how you would talk. I really respect that!! I know I do the exact same thing and I think it helps the readers relate to what you're writing. Just wanted to tell you that in regards to our phone coversation last night. Oh and excuse my very formal tone, I just wrote one hell of a professional cover letter, so I am still typing in such a linguistic manner. HAHAHAHAH....anyways hunnie....I can completely understand where you are coming from with your fears and it's 150% normal my dear. I think it's great that in the end you tried to focus on what the positives of the trip are or will be. Things are not always easy, but how we react to each and every situation determines how we live and how happy we are with our lives. So good for you...Keep thinking positive!! Also, there is no way you will be a bad teacher. Like I told you before, put yourself in their shoes as best as you can and think about the fun ways you would like to learn with, such as flash cards, pictures, educational games, and the like. Also, know, that like all things, practice makes perfect. When I was teaching I taught some lessons that bombed and I taught some lessons that were incredible. Also, there will be times where you will expect something to go wonderfully and smoothly and it will fail. It is disheartening, but all you can do is learn from it and go over that same material just in a new way. Anyways, remember if you ever have any questions in the education field, I am more than happy to help. Let's put my college years to some kind of use...lol. Anyways, I'm jealous of you. You are showing everyone just how brave and adventurous you are. I know everything will be more than fine and know that your family and friends back home will always be here for you throughout your journey. I know that I felt a bit isolated from my family and friends while living in Aussie, becuase I could rarely contact them, but now with all these stellar technologies we can talk at any time, so we're hear for you Genna girl. Well, hunnie...I am very much looking forward to seeing you this Saturday...It's going to be a blast!! Love you so much!! xoxox

[Joe]

If I can do it so can you!
I've been travelling alone for the last year and a half to places that are crazy and fun. You'll do great! You'll have plenty of support from people back home.

[Uncle Bill]

Do it
Great read. Don't stop writing your blogs. Ole Uncle Bill