The tide is turning

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A warning to the reader: At times the content of my enteries may contain more than 'check-the-box' travel stories. To your dismay, it is entirely possible that you will be exposed to the thoughts and emotions (and general streams of consciousness) I experience on my little journey. Whilst, I hope that you will often find it to be entertaining, uplifting, inspiring, witting, funny, heart warming or just a little sad, I very much intend to use this as a resource to look back upon, and see just how far I manage to go physically and personally.
So please just do as most people often do, and close your minds when you feel uncomfortable about getting to know the way I sometimes work......
With that little caveat out of the way, it's time to see where I am at. Well, I am not quite on the road yet, but I am getting ever so close to that time. About 5 weeks ago the British High Commission deemed me to be a fit person to enter the UK on a Working Holiday Visa. Since then the cogs have been turning over, at first slowly, and now ramping up to what seems like a break-neck pace.
A day after I received notification that my visa was accepted, I did the almost unthinkable (well in my structured little world anyway), I found the courage to hand in my notice. It's funny, you think about these things - how terrifically cool it will be, how bohemian to throw in the structure to follow your own heart's desire. But in all truthfulness, it was perhaps one of the most difficult things I have done to date. Did I stand on the desk and scream it from my lungs - no it was more like this: wracked with a head cold, fear and trepidation (and being stuck in traffic for TWO hours for good measure), I made my way into my boss' office and closed the door.
Trying to keep an even an professional manner, and avoiding the temptation to either a) hyperventilate b) oddly succumb to the temptation of crying or c)simply pass out, I proceeded to spew forth my decision, wary of the response I would be greeted with. Finally taking a deep breath, I found my boss and co-workers to be utterly surprised, but also completely supportive. A great relief, as any grief would have been a very unwelcome spanner to my plans!
Since then, my heart and mind often find themselves in unison, then in conflict. In all honesty, I think it is a good thing to allow a touch of trepidation to temper the excitement, as it keeps me on my toes, but never too much that I want to jump off this rollercoaster of emotions. Now all that stands between me and voluntary unemployment is a mere 13 working days!
It has not failed to surprise me the number of friends, family and co-workers who have spoken of the envy, admiration, and own regrets for never pursuing the same opportunities. In the same breath, many ask why I am taking this journey at all? It's a question that I have thought about myself over and over and over again (overthinking EVERYTHING is one of my particularly less charming traits). For a long while, it was not the right decision for me, and just an empty desire or threat dependant on my mood. But then I began to grow up, mature as a person, and understand that there is so much more to being a great person than monetary accomplishments.
 As I mentioned in my first log, my life is terribly easy, and rightfully those who observe it from the outside perhaps will never quite understand why I am doing this. But when you take a good look on the inside, I have not 'lost' my direction in life, I like to think that it is more, well 'temporarily misplaced'! I need to take this journey to step outside of my life, my pedestrian little cocoon that I have woven and shake it all up and give myself a great big push. To have the courage of my own convictions and do the travelling and working holiday I so longed for.
It's as much a personal thing as it is a professional choice, and I have finally reached what I think is the right time in my life to explore both of these aspects o/s. I know, and have for quite some time now, that it is something I desperately want to do. I can not bear the thought of looking back at <insert any relevant age where you may question your life> and feel regret for not having the courage and passion to pursue something I always wanted. Too many people often do this, and I don't want to be one of those people. I want to be all and everything at once.
I routinely write these little inspirational sayings such as "Never reach for anything less than the stars", "Make your life spectacular", "Bring courage and conviction". They are all there as a reminder to myself why I am doing this, and who I hope to become. Will this journey take me all the way? Who knows, but it will be the time to live the words. I suppose we shall together what lies in the wake of this adventure........
Now that you may question or ponder my thoughts and actions, I leave you with some very sage words to consider "Life ‘s but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour on the stage, And then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing" - Macbeth, Shakespeare.

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Comments

[Matty]

Your resignation reminds me of someone - ME!
Hi Lauren, gee it was great reading your email on resigning. It took me back to last year in May when i went through the same emotions. I\'m so glad you\'ve done it, you will come out of this a grown and better person for it. Nothing like following your passions and shaking your own routine world - congrats.