Advertisement
Published: December 17th 2009
Waiting
Steve and I talking as I wait for the boys to go eat Turkey Day dinner. 'Tis getting close to the season for holiday celebrations, from Turkey Day to Christmas, Diwali to New Year's celebrations... such a fun time of year. Unless you're the depressive types, quite a few military get that way when they're away from home. The time mostly of gorging oneself with ridiculous amounts of food and alcohol, avarice through expectation of gifts, friends and family. It can be quite stressful or joyous. As a kid, I got used to my Dad being gone on boats for many holidays, birthdays too... I've known what I was getting myself into when I joined the Navy. Super duper long distances away from home, missing all those same holidays that I sometimes begrudged my Dad's career for. As I got older, I understood that my anger was selfish and really unproductive most of all.
As my two step-brothers joined the family, both were far away and overseas. I would help make cookies and care boxes to send to my two other family heroes besides my Dad, not totally realizing their value. I just wanted them to know I was thinking about them and missing them during the their absence. I would spend
Blaaahhh...
I want pancakes! hours in the kitchen, perfecting the sending of said cookies. Of course you want them to be perfect and moist when they arrive, so ziploc bags and containers were a must! I'd get stories from them later on how they had shared with their Shipmates and loved every morsel... it was a good feeling to know they appreciated it.
On my first deployment on the BONHOMME RICHARD to the Arabian Gulf, I guess I sort of expected the same thing to be done for me. My family loves me, I don't doubt that, and both sides were aware of the military lifestyle, having lived with it either through children, husband and/or self. The surprise came when the only packages I got were from my sister-in-law and mother-in-law. Jeremy's sister, Amanda, and I probably didn't get off on the best foot. I was going through a difficult time in my life when we first met, so my patience for people in general was pretty short. I mean, we're both strong-willed and stubbornly independent, alpha type gals. Our relationship was somewhat abrasive, I imagine it stemming from being too similar to one another. I mean, I feel the
Peace!
Where is my food? same way about my family... NO ONE is ever good enough for them, so there is always a little tension with a new partner's arrival. Same thing goes for my mother-in-law... again, fiercely independent and all of us are ridiculously opinionated. We are always right in our own mind, whether we truly are or not, and try to follow an open mind, just sometimes our own self importance gets in the way, as well as our good intentions. I'm guilty of that more times than I can admit. Eventually though, I think that brought us closer together.
I just couldn't believe that they sent me things... and very thoughtful items at that: hot sauce (those of you who know me know I can't live without the stuff), gum, a couple of letters, Halloween decorations (yes, I decorated the ship's store with them), a nice little bag that screamed Bohemian hippie (again, you'd have to know me). It really touched me, in a positive and negative way. Positive in that it made me feel accepted and loved, negative in that I wondered why my biological family didn't think to email me much, let alone send me a
care package. My Dad was my hero, coming to visit me on the Tiger cruise that ended that deployment, but prior to that I felt pretty lonely and distanced from my family back home. Silly me, I started getting mad, letting negative thoughts pervade, thinking how deployed women don't seem to get anything from back home, appreciation or even consideration. Yeah, kinda stupid I admit... but I was lonely and angry at the time, my sweet roomie on the ship was my only outlet. My husband was out at sea too, so contact between the two of us was difficult at best.
Now I'm not trying to turn this into a pity party, I believe in karma and that the universe uses every event to teach us something in this life. And teach me a valuable lesson it did (whoah, sounding like Yoda here). As my Auntie and I have discussed, with some of the teachings of our guru, I should not "expect" anything. Expectation of appreciation can mean that you're doing something for the wrong reason for one. For example, if I buy flowers for someone with the expectation of a thank you, it really
Me, Sarah and Mike
He bought us roses, didn't remember the next day... but it is the thought that counts, right? wasn't a true gift in the first place. There are more examples, but I don't want to get into a full-on spiritual conversation. Now, it's all in my own head, so when I expected to get the same care packages as I had given, I realized that it was selfish of me to expect them. Though I appreciated the ones I did receive more than anything, I really needed to analyze the intent of my thoughts. That was my lesson.
So back to my original subject line, can you celebrate a holiday without the ones the holidays are intended to include? Of course you can, but is it the same? Well, I suppose that is up to the individual. This is going to be a long blog, I can already feel it. Having spent many holidays away, it has been pretty fun to be honest. We find some random spot to go to and celebrate with one another. I figured that pancakes would be perfect in a strange way (just like observing the American holiday in the Philippines) for Turkey Day, so I invited all my guys who were still on the ship. Only two came,
but we had fun anyway, not making a huge affair of it and having some of the best pancakes EVER! Yes, you can celebrate and enjoy being away during a family holiday, you just have to have the right mindset and balance within yourself. I admit, it took me a while to get that, but what does being unhappy do for you? Nothing. Appreciate the time with yourself and think of the ones you'd like to be with, but avoid the sad, depressive thoughts. Celebrating in PI was a bit strange I'll admit, especially with pancakes, but the Thanksgiving party was, by far, much stranger.
Thanksgiving Ship Party
Barrio Barreto... I thought I had had enough the first time. Guess where our holiday party was? Yep, you guessed it. If you didn't read my previous blog on "The Barrio", I suggest you stop reading here, go check it out, and then continue reading this one.
... Okay, you should be done now. Remember, the Barrio is full of peddlers, alcohol and prostitutes mostly and due to the, let's say, distasteful nature of the place, the military detachment had to be back on the base
Yikes!
Please don't throw up on me. by 6:30pm everyday, an odd curfew for adults as you can imagine. For the party, I stretched the rules to allow all to enjoy the night party, as long as they didn't go anywhere else in the area. Do you sense the foreshadowing here? I didn't realize what I would be getting myself into, I'd had so many holiday parties before that I had my expectation of similarity already set. Even more foreshadowing. I was surprised to see that only a few of the MILDET actually came to the party: Master Chief, Sergeant, 1 Petty Officer and myself. It turned out to be a good thing, a blessing. I was appalled to walk into the party's venue, the "Midnight Rambler", to a double file line of girls ready to have their bar fine paid for. Awww $#!^, seriously? It's just the nature of the beast I suppose, but I was brought down a few levels when I saw some of my ship "friends" with a girl on each arm. Disappointed is probably the most appropriate word, but disgusted as well.
Should I have left? Maybe... but some kind of morbid curiosity held me there to watch
Andrew, Mike and the Captain
Nice face... that is priceless. the "mating rituals" of the bar girls, not to mention that I felt like I should maintain myself sober in the event that someone (especially in the MILDET) started acting inappropriately and needed a guiding hand (though they didn't, thank goodness). There was a nice food spread, so I took a seat next to some of the civilian officers and hung out, my eyes wide with disbelief as I examined my surroundings. I looked over at one of the gal officers and asked her in a whisper how she dealt with this kind of thing. She told me that it used to bother her, but being out there for so long, she eventually chose to ignore/deal with it. Okay, I can do this... though I decide at that moment that I would never walk through these bars EVER again. I don't think that's being a prude, it's just trying to avoid destroying or even disturbing my moral fibers.
As the night progressed, there was a decent turnout and a nice live band. I even enjoyed myself, yes I was surprised by that too, dancing with the Chief Steward and Captain a couple of times. I just
Pay My Bar FIne!
Wow, that's the coolest shirt ever. tried to distance myself from the girls... I just felt too awkward and I didn't want to come off as rude either, I'm trying to not be judgmental, I'm just trying to avoid what bothers me. Then, a young and attractive Mamasan came to our table with a girl "friend" of hers. They had obviously learned of all the Sailors at the party and wanted to see if she could get a bar fine out of her friend, Angelina. Little did I know that the target would be me and Moonbeam.
Yes, you read that right, they immediately begin talking to us and at first I think they're just trying to make conversation and be nice to us. The Mamasan eventually leans over and whispers to me... "Angelina REALLY likes you". Again, at first, I just don't get it. Yes, I'm a girl who has a multitude of homosexual friends back home, usually fantastic gaydar (gay radar), but it just goes over my head. My gaydar didn't even blip. Angelina nonchalantly starts to tell us about how an Australian once paid her bar fine for an entire week. I'm a little fascinated, like I said, I'm
Cutting a rug
Chief Steward and I grace the dance floor. trying not to judge anyone, just trying to understand the paths that have led to this kind of life, so I listen to her with rapt attention. Then she reiterates that the week long Aussie was a woman... finally my eyes widen a little in comprehension. It dawns on me that she wants me to pay her bar fine. What am I supposed to say to her? Obviously I'm not considering the thought, just trying to think of a way to tactfully say no. Yes, maybe I shouldn't be concerned about tact when there's a prostitute asking me to buy her services, but I don't feel the need to hurt her feelings. Again... "she really thinks you're beautiful and would like to hang out with you all night."
Okay, I put up the first wall. "You both are so beautiful, but I have a husband back home and I can't do that sort of thing. I hope you understand?" Angelina gets a little petulant look to her lower lip, but almost immediately shifts attention over to Moonbeam. Without skipping a beat, Moonbeam is just the coolest chick ever, she looks in Angelina's eyes and tells
Brothel
Uh, yeah... the hookers. I'm serious too. I wish I had gotten a picture of Angelina and her Mamasan though. her how beautiful she is, but that she only has interests in men. She puts it a little blunter than that, but I'll keep this blog as un-embarrassing as possible. She looks at me, with the knowing eye connection, that we are going to have to work together on this one. Okay! Let's go to the bathroom together... don't want the chance of them trying to sneak in there with just one of us. Avoid being alone with them, just like you would with a guy you aren't interested in who is annoyingly persistent. They still try to press the issue, but sticking together, it's easier to avoid the discomfort.
After all this transpired, I stopped for a moment to think about the situation we had just experienced. Homosexuality is not readily accepted in a society based on the machismo of the male and subordinate position of women, it was at one point, highly influenced by the Spanish and the influence is there more than they'll admit. If you know anything about South/Central American/Spanish culture, the opinions on sexual preference are similar, it is shunned, unlike my fa'afafine friends in the South Pacific. How then, could a lesbian prostitute prosper? I came to a simple conclusion, as the simplest answer is usually the correct one. Put yourself in the shoes of Angelina for just a moment (Not for real! Just imagine!).
She's not a lesbian. Consider this. If you were a prostitute, what gender would offer the safest outcomes to you? Think about it. You can't get pregnant with a woman, without divine intervention anyway, and that would be weird. There's a smaller chance of contracting STDs, at least on the woman on woman side of homosexuality. And, though I don't know how often violence becomes a part of the transaction in Philippines, I do know that physical abuse/violence is often a part of the equation in the United States, inflicted on many "Women of the Night" because of their perceived worth (or lack thereof) in the world. A woman on woman scenario is of significantly lower risk in terms of violence I would imagine. If I were in Angelina's shoes, I'd try to get a woman to take me home first too. I imagine she changed her story as soon as Moonbeam and I left to make her money. I wish her well and hope she realizes, along with the other women there, that there is always another way. It may not have as much money in it, but self value and respect are worth the drop in pay. I'll never have to truly walk in their shoes, so I can't say I know that for certain, but I hope so... for their sakes and the futures of their daughters and sisters.
I know that I really discussed a lot here outside of the Thanksgiving holiday, but for me, they all tied together. So, a long story short... can you celebrate away from home? Sure you can, with good company and a positive attitude, you can do just about anything. Was this the strangest holiday I've ever had? A resounding yes as well. In the Thanksgiving spirit, I should also add the things I was thankful for this particular Thanksgiving. I'm thankful that I'm no longer hurt by the prospect of not receiving letters/boxes/correspondence from my family, especially around the holidays, as I still don't get too much communication from them (I don't think it's meant to be a slight though, and honestly I'm happy enough with myself not to care if it is intended). I am thankful for those friends and my morals that got me through the night in the Barrio, as well as the prospect of never going to that area again. I am thankful that I don't have to sell myself to get through life as Angelina does and thankful to her for reminding me that through the sacrifices of those who formed and defended my country, I am able to choose who I am and what I will continue to grow to be. I'm thankful that I can be a self sufficient and sustaining woman, not an option in so many places. Invaluable experience, and story. As I say, it's all for good, I just haven't figured out how yet. Maybe I just did though.
Advertisement
Tot: 0.093s; Tpl: 0.017s; cc: 15; qc: 58; dbt: 0.0595s; 1; m:domysql w:travelblog (10.17.0.13); sld: 1;
; mem: 1.2mb
Capt Ray
non-member comment
Wonderful!
Krysten, what a story, and you tell it so well. Now of course I am sorry we didn't send you anything for Christmas or Thanksgiving although we talked about you during Thanksgiving Dinner because you always came when you were here and we missed you! You are a strong woman though, very talented and georgeous and that's still a threat to most of the world for sure, and some of the Western World. You seem to understand that and work through it without accepting it because its truly goofy! Anyway, we love you and miss you and love these travel blogs and your ability to tell it like it is. One of your great talents! Love Capt Ray