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Published: March 9th 2006
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And so it came to pass that the three man unit that is The Busters© was to be torn asunder. Tez was flying home to the loving bosom of his family that very morning. We breakfasted long and well and wished our fellow G1 bon voyage with a standard Buster Triple Shake©. Tez climbed into the back of 1990's carriage and with a wave, a braff and a smile he was gone.
"A good man", I said to Joe.
"A
great man", Joe said to me.
For the first time this trip I waved away all forms of transport and went for a walk. I soaked up the atmos of this wonderful little town and vowed that someday I will return, I will return to Siem Reap.
1990 picked up the two remaining Busters at 11.00am and whisked us away to the airport. We bid a fond farewell to the Two Dragons, Siem Reap and Cambodia. Tipped 1990 30 bucks and he was well pleased. We then swore not to tell Tez.
We boarded the Vietnam Air plane to Ho Chi Minh City and 40 minutes later we arrived. Phase Three of the Buster trip was about to commence.
Phase
Three
Through immigration and customs quickly and the world's oldest taxi took us to the picturesquely named Hotel 64. Got a double room for $12 and we were happy to be Busting on a budget. Saw the room and we're suddenly not so happy. It was literally the smallest hotel room in the world. Joe will be sleeping mere centimetres from me and I'm not sure if I can put up with all that throat clearing and rolling to and fro. The room was also decorated with a unique motif of tartan, roses and puppy dogs. There was only one thing to do.
The bar was right across the road and served an interesting little brew by the name of BGI. Obviously word had gotten out about our arrival, why else a beer called
Buster
G 1. We sampled and sampled and was very pleased to discover the local Vietnamese custom of providing a free bowl of nuts with each beer.
We then caught a taxi to The Rex Hotel where we took in the city from its fifth floor garden bar. As we enjoyed our Pina Coladas Joe decided that, seeing as how this was our first
night in Vietnam and that we only had a few days here, we had to go eat somewhere special. For reasons best known to himself Joe was all hot and bothered for The Hard Rock Cafe. As we search we pass six seperate weddings in progress and get tempted to enter a very seedy bar by a bunch of noisy prossies! Can't find The Hard Rock anywhere - Thank God! - and I drag a complaining Joe into a little noodle shop. What a find! Jam packed with dark wood and a strange array of objects they seat us in a banquet room for 12 and Joe and I spread out and tell them to bring us what ever they want. Was it good? It was very ken-good!
Day Two
The staff at Hotel 64 were a bit over zealous and our 7.45am wake up call came at 6.45am. After an exceptionally long breakfast we caught a bus out to the Cu Chi tunnels. It is here that I was finally able to fire a really serious gun. I chose the AK-47, bought some ammo, and one of the staff loaded it up for me.
"What are you going
to fire, Joe", I asked.
"Oh, I think I'll just watch", Joe answered with a white face and fear like a rabid rat behind his eyes.
And so I started blasting away. By the time I had emptied my clip I am not ashamed to say I had a half mongrel in my pants. For the first time I truly felt like a man, and all I had was Joe Wilson. So just remember all you chardonnay sipping, latte drinking, pinko, leftie luvvies - Guns don't kill people, Arseholes with guns kill people!.
Then it was time to crawl a couple of hundred metres underground through the old Vietcong tunnels. They are small, uncomfortable and claustrophobic. Joe and I headed down.
"Okay, Joe, follow me", I shouted but there was no answer behind me.
When I finally emerged at the other end Joe was waiting for me wearing a bra and panties. Yes, he had chickened out and this final display of cowardice had completed his sex change. Can I just say, in the nicest possible way, that if Tez had been with us I don't think I would have been Busting on my own.
We headed back
to town and did a lot of eating and drinking and bar hopping that you ungrateful bloody readers don't seem to be that interested in and then retired back to the hotel. Fortunately they had found another room for Joe and I was finally able to sleep the sleep of a true-blue, trouble busting G1. How Joe slept I can not say.
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gun club
Just goes to show F, that you need your real friends to play with not those pussys you pretend are your buster pals. Guns! let me at'em. apologies for my premature farewell v happy to see more installments on the way. Specially looking forward to the sex change photos. ATB V. ps:Bring back the food and drink reviews (we were wrong)