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Published: August 29th 2009
WALTZING THROUGH CLOUDS
My expectant heart
Crossed boundaries and oceans
Found hope, found passion
In a land once destroyed
Once emptied of life
A nation stripped naked
Painfully dissolved…dissipated without answers
Tears infiltrated a blood-stained air
This place I reside in was once called the Pearl of Southeast Asia
But as minds collided and hearts grew sour
Humanity was left gripping for justice
Immersed in a genocide kept silenced from the world
…Until it was too late
Until millions had crushed like autumn leaves
Treaded by the foot of one man
A man so sure of his destiny
But a destiny that emasculated the masses
A generation later
I walk in my mother's shoes
Discovering the remains of her once reality
My feet tread on the very grounds she was once exiled from
The same red soil which stained her pale face
As she watched thousands in her surrounding brutally led to the grave
And eventually the very body and womb she emerged from
Without a kiss goodbye, was taken away- forever
This place has become more than just a place heard in my bedtime stories
More than just a foreign land my mother fled
But a
place that has captivated my heart with what it could become
With what it endured and is about to blossom
Still a pearl in many ways
But a struggling renaissance continues
A generation fighting its pain and inferiority
Victimized by corruption and gentrification
All in the name of development and urbanization
“Scam-bodia” is sadly a true reflection
As the world entered yet another recession
This land never recovered from its last
An ignorant youth stand before me
Hailing from a line of peasants and uneducated nobodies
From all that survived the purging of an “impure” people
Intoxicated with lies and the untold tragedy
With no forefathers to emulate
No reason to believe in a better tomorrow
Just settling for a mediocre fate and uninspired reality
But ironically in this place I’ve realized it’s the dream
Different from what I imagined
But better than what I thought
Like casting bread upon water whilst waltzing through clouds
All my inner most cravings
My passions, my aspirations
I’ve found, I live, I am
In its purest and most perfect form
So I’ve grown to accept a lifestyle less soothing than the last
Appreciating simplicity, living minimalistic-ally
I smile at
My kids
Repping TTa steady flow of clean water dispensing from my faucet
My ears glee at the sound of a toilet able to flush
Eating chicken is considered luxury
Any day without power cuts is a good day
And while I attempt to dream on a flimsy sunken mattress each night
I am thankful to be somewhat cocooned by a mosquito net
Because some- can’t even afford this…
Oh Pearl, will I ever be able to leave you now?
Will this just be another closing chapter?
As I contemplate surrendering back to the western world?
Though my heart clings to you with compassion
Where is the fairy tale ending?
When endless possibilities stare me in the face
Am I insane not to remain?
Once again I stand at the crossroad
Seeking, trusting, praising
Not leaning on my own understanding
Not forgetting the one that always reveals in time
Afraid to be bold but boldness I chose to claim
To unleash these giftings and believe the unbelievable
It is faith that got me here, and faith once more I’ll follow
I’ll waltz with and enjoy this serenade, until the song is sung
And the one above leads me on-
To yet another magical dance.
~29th August 2009
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Lorna
non-member comment
MAGICAL!
Liza i love this blog, every line touches me! When i read this, it feels like i'm there with you in Scam-bodia! Wherever your spiritual pathway leads you, dont forget me and remember to keep writing these blogs so i can follow you! I love you and really miss you sis!!!!!!!!!!