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Published: July 22nd 2007
The Falls Greg
Well here we are in Toronto. The biggest city in Canada. We were going to go to the CN Tower and have dinner, but we thought we would get dogs and a house instead. I just know the food there would have been mediocre (how could it compare to Le Regalade?) and let's face it....a bird's eye view of Toronto? Oh yeah....wow.
We went to Niagara Falls yesterday. 150 K away. Three hour drive. Three hours. At times the traffic would come to a complete stop. An accident? An Asteroid hitting the highway? A crazed old man rapping on car windows asking for pennies? Nope. Nothing. Nada. It's seems that the actual curves in the road, in this massive highway system is enough to scare the drivers. That's all I can come up with. There was an accident outside of Niagara, however that couldn't have affected Toronto...could it?
Niagara Falls is an interesting place. An enormous amount of people. It was like a UN of different people's. We walked along the promenade after parking in the Brock hotel. An awesome sight. It is now obvious to me that the Americans have Water Fall envy. They have a very nice, practical, small waterfall. Whereas we here in Canada have the HUGE horseshoe falls. Not that size matters.
I think it is safe to say that Niagara Falls is a tourist town. We went on the Maid of the Mist boat ride. The amount of people waiting in line was staggering. What got me was the line went down 3 stories. Half way down a bunch of summer jobbed teenagers were ushering people to a spot for a photograph. Coming down the line they are yelling in a memorized scripted tone "Please get in line with your group." Now..to the right is....well....Niagara falls. To the left, where we must go, against a concrete wall, a Green Screen. I guess it is faster to add the falls later. We passed on the photos (besides, I just couldn't pay $25 + taxes for phony pictures).
The boat ride was awesome. Well worth it. AND they throw in a stylish blue rain coat.
After the boat ride it was wondering around and walking down the promenade. We stopped by a restaurant and Joey and Annie had a bite to eat. We took a few pictures, with no Green Screen thank you very much, and then it was back to the car for the long drive home.
At the corner of the hotel we looked up to our left.
Now I have been told that Niagara Falls was a tourist trap and I was expecting it. I thought it wasn't so bad, thus far. We had been crushed by people. Paid way to much for food and drink. Bought an ounce of ice cream drops (mini melts) for $5 and waited in lines. I was not prepared for what I saw. It took me totally by surprise. The signs, the lights, the people. All the way up the hill.
A white trash Disneyland.
I know, that is not fair, but it was the first thing that popped into my mind. It truly was overwhelming. It was like a surreal Bourbon Street...without the cool or music or beads. I had to stop by and get a slice of pizza, simply because it is what you do. We went into a place called Pizza Pizza. I ordered a slice. I was asked if I wanted a bag of chips or a salad with that, along with the Coke. I looked around and saw hundreds of people sitting and eating their grease dripping hunks of dough covered in some sort of red stuff and plastic and asked if people actually choose the salad. The ready to pop, pimple faced kid nodded to a huge man sitting on his hotel room balcony, not 50 feet away. I took the chips.
Joey and I went into Dracula's castle horror house. Joey wanted to be frightened. Obviously I am failing. I must double my efforts. Annie decided to pass. She went shopping. She knows how to scare me. After a scream or two (I swear from Joey, not me) and a gold bracelet and ankle thingy we went into Ripley's believe it or not.
By the time we left Ripley's it was dark and the "Real" people were out in full force. The drunk teenagers in their rented limos yelling out the window. Da Boyz from da 'hood...just hangin. I know I am a boring, boring man, with conservative tastes. I know I am not "with it". When I see a group of overweight middle aged men dressed in over sized clothes with their turned baseball hats and their bling with their "bitches" and they are all talking "gangsta" I just have to shake my head.
It was time to leave.
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Sarah
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Just one thing...I am sooooooo glad that you guys are back in Canada. At least we know you are on our home turf:) There is a safe feeling in that thought. The Falls look amazing, as do Annie and Joey in their blue rain coats. Have Fun!